Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (305)

Last Night in Florida (305)

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I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

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(305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe

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She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.

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(305): She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back. http://tfl.nu/82hh

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Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

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(305): Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS. http://tfl.nu/tzd0

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considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?

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(305): considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it? http://tfl.nu/ijgp

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It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

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(305): It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me. http://tfl.nu/n11o

Replies (46) Good night (2215) Bad night (7923)
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

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(305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere. http://tfl.nu/rhba

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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news

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(305): Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news http://tfl.nu/t3j8

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why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?

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(305): why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do? http://tfl.nu/hnao

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We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.

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(305): We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction. http://tfl.nu/e3vr

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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

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(305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d

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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

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(305): MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like. http://tfl.nu/d99s

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God, you're like boner-b-gone

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(305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8

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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.

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(305): She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself. http://tfl.nu/c54w

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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed

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Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.

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(305): I don't even know why I got my vag waxed (786): Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed. http://tfl.nu/dtgr

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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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(305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet? http://tfl.nu/k73j

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Last Night in Florida (305)

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