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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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