Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (651)

Last Night in Minnesota (651)

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I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"

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(651): I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated" http://tfl.nu/zfhg

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Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

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(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward. http://tfl.nu/djmy

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sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure

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you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends

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(651): sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure (1-651): you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends http://tfl.nu/j2wt

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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.

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(651): You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping. http://tfl.nu/k03m

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I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.

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(651): I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again. http://tfl.nu/g370

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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

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(651): He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient. http://tfl.nu/9tdu

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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

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(651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv

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if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

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(651): if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call. http://tfl.nu/9x5y

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i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend

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(651): i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/co7p

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My Vagina smells like Nemo again.

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(651): My Vagina smells like Nemo again. http://tfl.nu/j13v

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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

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(651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h

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make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.

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I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.

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(651): make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS. (1-651): I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much. http://tfl.nu/xzl0

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I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......

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(651): I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me...... http://tfl.nu/ywt3

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I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

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again?

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(612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g

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The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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(651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj

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Last Night in Minnesota (651)

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