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Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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