Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (515)

Last Night in Iowa (515)

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(515): View more from Iowa

Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.

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When was that?

(515): View more from Iowa

Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.

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(515): Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy. (605): When was that? (515): Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy. http://tfl.nu/qcf9

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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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(515): I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone" http://tfl.nu/9mhp

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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place

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I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck

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(515): We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place (1-515): I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/93u8

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(515): View more from Iowa

Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day

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(515): Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day http://tfl.nu/z36i

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(515): View more from Iowa

When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?

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(515): When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education? http://tfl.nu/w56v

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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.

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(515): I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom. http://tfl.nu/zme8

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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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(515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4

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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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(515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin

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(515): View more from Iowa

Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.

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(515): Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen. http://tfl.nu/hels

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He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.

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(515): He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real. http://tfl.nu/6hyc

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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over

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(515): Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over http://tfl.nu/s97w

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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.

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(515): Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away. http://tfl.nu/jux9

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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

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(515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2

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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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(515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci

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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.

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(515): He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/kc12

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Last Night in Iowa (515)

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