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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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