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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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