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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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