Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (773)

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.

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  (773): I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move. http://tfl.nu/qg2k
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  He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work

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  (773): He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work http://tfl.nu/kpsp
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  The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.

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  I should have never moved out...

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  (773): The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese. (206): I should have never moved out... http://tfl.nu/kyqk
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (354)
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  Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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  (773): Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT? http://tfl.nu/k7sq
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  okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

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  (773): okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis. http://tfl.nu/pm2x
  Replies (2) Good night (196) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Can you see in?

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  (773): Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter. (1-773): Can you see in? http://tfl.nu/hc5g
  Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar

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  (773): If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar http://tfl.nu/xi33
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (116) Order T-Shirt
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  I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.

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  (773): I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever. http://tfl.nu/ci2r
  Replies (3) Good night (235) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.

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  (773): Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment. http://tfl.nu/iyng
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  And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.

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  That's my new pick up line call me a polish name

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  (773): And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad. (1-773): That's my new pick up line call me a polish name http://tfl.nu/jbx5
  Replies (5) Good night (736) Bad night (191)
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  All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.

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  (773): All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now. http://tfl.nu/dqh8
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  blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.

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  (773): blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck. http://tfl.nu/370v
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  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
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  my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.

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  (773): my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka. http://tfl.nu/3a5u
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  He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.

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  (773): He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex. http://tfl.nu/oxcx
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