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Last Night in Illinois (773)

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Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

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You spelled "worthless" wrong.

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(773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note. (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong. http://tfl.nu/nbo3

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I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

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Too tired to pretend that I care : (

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(847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc

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yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

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(773): yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL. http://tfl.nu/d3ky

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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

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Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

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(773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w

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I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

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(773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier. http://tfl.nu/mu3y

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legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup

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(773): legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup http://tfl.nu/hm49

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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

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(773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr

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omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...

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(773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this... http://tfl.nu/ilg0

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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

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(773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f

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let's bang

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You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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(216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i

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I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

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Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

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(773): I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant. (847): Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you. http://tfl.nu/48mv

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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

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(773): At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer? http://tfl.nu/g4aq

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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.

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(773): When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change. http://tfl.nu/eo5m

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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.

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(773): I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys. http://tfl.nu/3mjd

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How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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(773): How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom? http://tfl.nu/o0zg

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Last Night in Illinois (773)

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