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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
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