Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wisconsin (262)

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Happy you have kids and I don't day!

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  (262): Happy you have kids and I don't day! http://tfl.nu/yzfq
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips

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  (262): ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips http://tfl.nu/avor
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  Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset

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  (262): Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset http://tfl.nu/8p8i
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  My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.

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  (262): My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels. http://tfl.nu/4t4s
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  Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?

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  Heroically.

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  (262): Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night? (505): Heroically. http://tfl.nu/ycud
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (139)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?

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  50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.

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  (262): You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend? (224): 50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward. http://tfl.nu/qmja
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (147)
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  It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.

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  (262): It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly. http://tfl.nu/kimb
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all

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  (262): Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all http://tfl.nu/zpgp
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!

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  (262): You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?! http://tfl.nu/rmx8
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  You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.

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  (262): You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days. http://tfl.nu/ufco
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  And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry

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  (262): And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry http://tfl.nu/q1qo
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth

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  (262): Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth http://tfl.nu/ck6h
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  one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!

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  (262): one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday! http://tfl.nu/b0h1
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  I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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  (262): I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry. http://tfl.nu/6bad
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?

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  (262): I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!? http://tfl.nu/rfa8
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