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his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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