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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
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