Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (617)

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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  (617): Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger http://tfl.nu/kw9o
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  DC is easy, you will figure it out.

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  I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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  (617): DC is easy, you will figure it out. (508): I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this. http://tfl.nu/ltz6
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  I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat

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  (617): I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat http://tfl.nu/ph0q
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  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

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  i think i might be a female sloth

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  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1346) Bad night (96)
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  The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me

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  (617): The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me http://tfl.nu/mmd5
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  So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"

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  (617): So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?" http://tfl.nu/5su3
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  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
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  I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.

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  (617): I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final. http://tfl.nu/105u
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  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
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  Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them

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  (617): Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them http://tfl.nu/p251
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  Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."

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  (617): Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now." http://tfl.nu/y913
  Replies (7) Good night (894) Bad night (188)
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  I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.

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  (617): I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/2ow7
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  I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol

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  (617): I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol http://tfl.nu/guix
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  A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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  (617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86
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  Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole

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  (617): Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole http://tfl.nu/3dil
  Replies (7) Good night (2248) Bad night (202)