Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.

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  (609): Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum. http://tfl.nu/2wyb
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?

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  (609): So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face? http://tfl.nu/y6a3
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Welcome to Philly.

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  (609): I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever. (215): Welcome to Philly. http://tfl.nu/1k71
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

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  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face

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  (609): jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face http://tfl.nu/r9ws
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Helmets.

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  (616): We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids? (609): Helmets. http://tfl.nu/n1xg
  Replies (6) Good night (869) Bad night (106)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  YOU ARE MY HERO

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  (609): I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet... (856): YOU ARE MY HERO http://tfl.nu/qvso
  Replies (8) Good night (528) Bad night (200)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.

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  (609): So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/54rj
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS

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  (609): Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS http://tfl.nu/rllj
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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  (609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (227)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.

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  (609): I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room. http://tfl.nu/he9i
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help

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  (609): TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help http://tfl.nu/xrr6
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.

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  (609): Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order. http://tfl.nu/89fj
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah. It's not just the beard either.

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  (412): she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe? (609): Yeah. It's not just the beard either. http://tfl.nu/x9o7
  Replies (8) Good night (832) Bad night (433)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I thought you wanted to talk?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?

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  (609): I thought you wanted to talk? (908): What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk? http://tfl.nu/h1nx
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