Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (609)

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

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(609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8

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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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(609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8

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Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.

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(609): Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet. http://tfl.nu/2pvo

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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m

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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq

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I'd give my left nut to see you

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don't do that. I like the set

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(724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb

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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

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This explains a lot.

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(609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0

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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj

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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

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like hot dogs and buns.

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(609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi

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i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

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(609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn

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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

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We better fuck soon then

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(609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr

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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

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(609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou

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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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(609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r

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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

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(609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir

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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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(609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez

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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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