Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Hawaii (808)

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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  (808): I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils. http://tfl.nu/b8ey
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  for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing

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  (808): for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing http://tfl.nu/0vur
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  Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

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  (808): Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps http://tfl.nu/jjp1
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  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

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  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
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  Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"

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  (808): Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy" http://tfl.nu/zdbd
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  Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

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  (808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7
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  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

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  Or, you could have used a condom

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  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
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  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
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  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

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  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

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  nevermind....I'm on the way

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  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
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  Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?

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  (808): Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet? http://tfl.nu/bi9l
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  I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.

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  (808): I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends. http://tfl.nu/mxrh
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  guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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  (808): guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina http://tfl.nu/joff
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  You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.

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  (808): You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/k63s
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  Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?

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  (808): Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way? http://tfl.nu/yy6b
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  drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night

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  (808): drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night http://tfl.nu/q31t
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