Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Mexico (505)

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.

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  (505): Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible. http://tfl.nu/eufu
  Replies (1) Good night (190) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.

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  (505): I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single. http://tfl.nu/1f65
  Replies (10) Good night (1110) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.

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  (505): A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk. http://tfl.nu/nmzj
  Replies (1) Good night (326) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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  (505): He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable. http://tfl.nu/iadb
  Replies (4) Good night (154) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.

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  (505): Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis. http://tfl.nu/t3p3
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (113) Order T-Shirt
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  Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Heroically.

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  (262): Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night? (505): Heroically. http://tfl.nu/ycud
  Replies (3) Good night (788) Bad night (137)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.

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  (505): Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle. http://tfl.nu/hoqs
  Replies (3) Good night (267) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face

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  (505): People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face http://tfl.nu/xc5y
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it

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  (505): Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it http://tfl.nu/hkkt
  Replies (1) Good night (381) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.

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  (505): It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row. http://tfl.nu/22so
  Replies (6) Good night (185) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys

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  (505): I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys http://tfl.nu/88rh
  Replies (10) Good night (1284) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.

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  (505): You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch. http://tfl.nu/nw9o
  Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.

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  (505): Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot. http://tfl.nu/8yik
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.

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  (505): Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/uf9c
  Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

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  (505): Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels. http://tfl.nu/3182
  Replies (3) Good night (179) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt