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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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