Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (818)

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  (818): View more from California

  Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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  (818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70
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  (818): View more from California

  Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you

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  (818): Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you http://tfl.nu/ksv2
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  (818): View more from California

  I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.

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  (818): I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful. http://tfl.nu/482k
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (107) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not

  (818): View more from California

  Stop it right now

  (323): View more from California

  This time face forward

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  (323): Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not (818): Stop it right now (323): This time face forward http://tfl.nu/ev7s
  Replies (2) Good night (390) Bad night (147)
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  (818): View more from California

  You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers

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  (818): You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers http://tfl.nu/8klr
  Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (207)
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  (818): View more from California

  The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.

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  (818): The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink. http://tfl.nu/7x1a
  Replies (2) Good night (209) Bad night (573)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one

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  (818): I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one http://tfl.nu/v2xa
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  (818): View more from California

  You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.

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  (818): You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer. http://tfl.nu/8foa
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat

  (818): View more from California

  You had me at first table

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  (210): First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat (818): You had me at first table http://tfl.nu/zwwm
  Replies (0) Good night (693) Bad night (163)
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  (818): View more from California

  You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.

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  (818): You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it. http://tfl.nu/2dbt
  Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.

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  (818): I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome. http://tfl.nu/6w7h
  Replies (0) Good night (481) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway

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  (818): So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway http://tfl.nu/rhtw
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.

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  (818): You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain. http://tfl.nu/pico
  Replies (0) Good night (688) Bad night (218)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving

  (1-818): View more from California

  At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.

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  (818): I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving (1-818): At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it. http://tfl.nu/g80b
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (202)
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  (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

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  (818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk
  Replies (16) Good night (2219) Bad night (380)