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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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