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Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...

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(405): I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point... http://tfl.nu/xse9

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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.

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(405): Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center. http://tfl.nu/aec1

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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List

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(405): Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List http://tfl.nu/9eia

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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.

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(405): There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home. http://tfl.nu/1q6j

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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.

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That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.

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(405): I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety. (806): That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you. http://tfl.nu/ztvc

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Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on

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(405): Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on http://tfl.nu/n0jv

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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?

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(405): Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50? http://tfl.nu/w6wp

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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.

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I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.

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(405): In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day. (405): I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me. http://tfl.nu/iy6i

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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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(405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4

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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.

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I'm about to be a big disappointment.

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(405): Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake. (405): I'm about to be a big disappointment. http://tfl.nu/y7r2

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Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.

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(405): Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again. http://tfl.nu/vkin

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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

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(405): Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month. http://tfl.nu/0lcc

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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer

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(405): And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer http://tfl.nu/voyh

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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.

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(405): Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man. http://tfl.nu/rjwi

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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.

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(405): Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want. http://tfl.nu/hc2w

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Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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