Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (862)

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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.

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  (862): Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued. http://tfl.nu/kpbb
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...

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  This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.

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  (973): How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow... (862): This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am. http://tfl.nu/nxs7
  Replies (0) Good night (1060) Bad night (278)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.

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  (862): The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different. http://tfl.nu/flvh
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"

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  (862): You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe" http://tfl.nu/u8zn
  Replies (3) Good night (917) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.

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  (862): I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud. http://tfl.nu/zssg
  Replies (7) Good night (1033) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic

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  (862): woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic http://tfl.nu/zfxf
  Replies (5) Good night (2085) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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  (862): Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons http://tfl.nu/m8s3
  Replies (11) Good night (1967) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

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  (862): Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good. http://tfl.nu/j3wb
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.

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  (862): Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons. http://tfl.nu/bh45
  Replies (16) Good night (2434) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.

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  (862): I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated. http://tfl.nu/6ujy
  Replies (21) Good night (3272) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.

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  (862): Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving. http://tfl.nu/a5h0
  Replies (8) Good night (532) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking

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  (862): He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking http://tfl.nu/6gnv
  Replies (15) Good night (2375) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.

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  (862): Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her. http://tfl.nu/mnen
  Replies (9) Good night (2597) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So many issues. You honestly need help.

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  (862): I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in. (917): So many issues. You honestly need help. http://tfl.nu/cv7o
  Replies (10) Good night (2375) Bad night (891)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

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  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6181) Bad night (1116)