Texts From Last Night · Last Night in United Kingdom

Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!

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(+44): We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA! http://tfl.nu/862o

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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

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Which pub are you in?

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(+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0

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So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?

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(+44): So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff? http://tfl.nu/24fo

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Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.

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(+44): Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off. http://tfl.nu/1dmr

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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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(+44): If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned. http://tfl.nu/qyit

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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?

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(+44): are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper? http://tfl.nu/40vp

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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place

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(+44): Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place http://tfl.nu/6f1z

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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.

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(+44): It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution. http://tfl.nu/zvzs

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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club

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(+44): Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club http://tfl.nu/ri4h

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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material

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(+44): I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material http://tfl.nu/6zdu

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The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven

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(+44): The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven http://tfl.nu/nqqz

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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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(+44): By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder. http://tfl.nu/khml

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He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.

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(+44): He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever. http://tfl.nu/51gj

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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket

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(+44): you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket http://tfl.nu/sq21

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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

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(+44): She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn. http://tfl.nu/qwtm

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Last Night in United Kingdom (+44)

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