iamchupacabra's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait! http://tfl.nu/9r4q
  Replies (10) Good night (2190) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard. http://tfl.nu/xtbf
  Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina (513): Post that event on your timeline http://tfl.nu/4t95
  Replies (31) Good night (1518) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies. http://tfl.nu/geoh
  Replies (13) Good night (1151) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion? http://tfl.nu/7a2v
  Replies (21) Good night (1506) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success. http://tfl.nu/320u
  Replies (6) Good night (1342) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (358): View more from

  I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (358): I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack. http://tfl.nu/ybt1
  Replies (8) Good night (453) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards http://tfl.nu/vn30
  Replies (2) Good night (1165) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work. http://tfl.nu/wxxj
  Replies (13) Good night (2779) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI. (1-410): Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return. http://tfl.nu/zi1i
  Replies (10) Good night (745) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night. http://tfl.nu/3r48
  Replies (5) Good night (327) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/lra7
  Replies (10) Good night (1404) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole. http://tfl.nu/xl47
  Replies (11) Good night (458) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at. http://tfl.nu/pwf4
  Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored. http://tfl.nu/hxpc
  Replies (2) Good night (1213) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid... http://tfl.nu/m79e
  Replies (11) Good night (673) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker" (1-413): I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family http://tfl.nu/b85j
  Replies (7) Good night (1983) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard. http://tfl.nu/86r6
  Replies (19) Good night (1318) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster. http://tfl.nu/ckt2
  Replies (8) Good night (1535) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (627): View more from California

  The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever. http://tfl.nu/zns8
  Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/g46j
  Replies (6) Good night (1587) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.

  (818): View more from California

  Because it is cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use. (818): Because it is cat. http://tfl.nu/tbfo
  Replies (9) Good night (1415) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me? http://tfl.nu/mi92
  Replies (9) Good night (608) Bad night (4224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1318) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale. http://tfl.nu/145n
  Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You made out with two different species that night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb
  Replies (8) Good night (416) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): whoa! who said he's my boyfriend? (1-306): Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/k1yy
  Replies (7) Good night (2648) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug. http://tfl.nu/ikjc
  Replies (2) Good night (1088) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/7cee
  Replies (2) Good night (3276) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door http://tfl.nu/vv4w
  Replies (13) Good night (450) Bad night (1709)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting. http://tfl.nu/51mm
  Replies (10) Good night (503) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it... http://tfl.nu/at35
  Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is why Helen Keller didn't drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): This is why Helen Keller didn't drink http://tfl.nu/wpjw
  Replies (8) Good night (743) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am? http://tfl.nu/htrk
  Replies (12) Good night (1098) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor." http://tfl.nu/95x9
  Replies (4) Good night (3015) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged? http://tfl.nu/5wyb
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face. http://tfl.nu/h6c3
  Replies (13) Good night (920) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me". http://tfl.nu/8pyn
  Replies (10) Good night (3885) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson. http://tfl.nu/3wwn
  Replies (6) Good night (1090) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother. (1-570): Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off. http://tfl.nu/5ewz
  Replies (6) Good night (1707) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it http://tfl.nu/avbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1515) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs. http://tfl.nu/x449
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one. http://tfl.nu/be90
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion. http://tfl.nu/z4as
  Replies (5) Good night (880) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5
  Replies (5) Good night (998) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm romantic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones. (306): I'm romantic. http://tfl.nu/dair
  Replies (4) Good night (1382) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Wait does semen show up on blood tests?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Wait does semen show up on blood tests? http://tfl.nu/pugn
  Replies (25) Good night (395) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/df8w
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant http://tfl.nu/t0nu
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1792) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings http://tfl.nu/tlmy
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder. http://tfl.nu/j76c
  Replies (9) Good night (2178) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens http://tfl.nu/mv4i
  Replies (13) Good night (1959) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did. http://tfl.nu/2kuf
  Replies (4) Good night (2043) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later". http://tfl.nu/gid9
  Replies (12) Good night (776) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise. http://tfl.nu/7qvp
  Replies (8) Good night (2024) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
  Replies (11) Good night (2675) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you. http://tfl.nu/kkcg
  Replies (4) Good night (556) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts.... http://tfl.nu/shwj
  Replies (11) Good night (636) Bad night (2271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
  Replies (8) Good night (1803) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all. http://tfl.nu/rs17
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird. http://tfl.nu/5cem
  Replies (3) Good night (785) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  This is John, I met you downtown last night.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh, ok.

  (727): View more from Florida

  This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): This is John, I met you downtown last night. (407): Oh, ok. (727): This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night http://tfl.nu/3jh8
  Replies (9) Good night (2446) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome. http://tfl.nu/288f
  Replies (2) Good night (1200) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high. http://tfl.nu/l06x
  Replies (12) Good night (3549) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal" http://tfl.nu/879f
  Replies (6) Good night (1537) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am. http://tfl.nu/giyu
  Replies (5) Good night (1672) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine. http://tfl.nu/guf4
  Replies (7) Good night (501) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed. http://tfl.nu/mzmz
  Replies (3) Good night (1034) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/zd6h
  Replies (5) Good night (528) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  PS: I just woke up from my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): PS: I just woke up from my shower http://tfl.nu/57k9
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire http://tfl.nu/ff4y
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool. http://tfl.nu/h5uz
  Replies (5) Good night (1682) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift" http://tfl.nu/0adm
  Replies (8) Good night (2907) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just feel like you're using me for sex.

  (383): View more from

  I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I just feel like you're using me for sex. (383): I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship http://tfl.nu/typ8
  Replies (16) Good night (2029) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye http://tfl.nu/wt8g
  Replies (5) Good night (384) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again. http://tfl.nu/6m3f
  Replies (4) Good night (467) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you. http://tfl.nu/bm50
  Replies (6) Good night (1830) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night http://tfl.nu/8b8u
  Replies (6) Good night (366) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor. http://tfl.nu/e8dt
  Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better http://tfl.nu/zbhj
  Replies (3) Good night (1331) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom. http://tfl.nu/sl0t
  Replies (6) Good night (1365) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  You must be good in bed dude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family. (1-517): You must be good in bed dude http://tfl.nu/2upq
  Replies (4) Good night (928) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  what type of emt are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off. (1-860): what type of emt are you http://tfl.nu/8o94
  Replies (4) Good night (1292) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine... http://tfl.nu/hixx
  Replies (12) Good night (3671) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face http://tfl.nu/7v6p
  Replies (9) Good night (1592) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS http://tfl.nu/bchm
  Replies (11) Good night (1368) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward http://tfl.nu/i7kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1347) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him. http://tfl.nu/nzef
  Replies (5) Good night (1019) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is. http://tfl.nu/4j3n
  Replies (5) Good night (2085) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend." http://tfl.nu/7i0l
  Replies (9) Good night (506) Bad night (2496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners. http://tfl.nu/ba89
  Replies (11) Good night (2132) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

  (406): View more from Montana

  Midwestern nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!" (406): Midwestern nice. http://tfl.nu/grmw
  Replies (10) Good night (2815) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1662) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited. http://tfl.nu/hhhk
  Replies (7) Good night (2009) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number.. http://tfl.nu/y7re
  Replies (8) Good night (1055) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (947): View more from Michigan

  He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (947): He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me http://tfl.nu/9cbm
  Replies (19) Good night (776) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies. http://tfl.nu/zmgn
  Replies (2) Good night (1269) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us http://tfl.nu/1h6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1843) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right! http://tfl.nu/l472
  Replies (4) Good night (1437) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost. http://tfl.nu/dynq
  Replies (3) Good night (1664) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks. http://tfl.nu/88uh
  Replies (20) Good night (1781) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that http://tfl.nu/isr6
  Replies (13) Good night (532) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1179) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you. http://tfl.nu/bzso
  Replies (11) Good night (3178) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him. http://tfl.nu/rlpz
  Replies (6) Good night (1238) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby. http://tfl.nu/swwk
  Replies (12) Good night (459) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole. http://tfl.nu/s7os
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits." http://tfl.nu/x9en
  Replies (6) Good night (2323) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka http://tfl.nu/jrp7
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work. (1-814): Either he has bad timing or he wants to join. http://tfl.nu/sgyz
  Replies (5) Good night (2156) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT" http://tfl.nu/0wpw
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining http://tfl.nu/nogg
  Replies (7) Good night (323) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other. http://tfl.nu/no1k
  Replies (9) Good night (1604) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling http://tfl.nu/mo9w
  Replies (8) Good night (1232) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever. http://tfl.nu/31ik
  Replies (16) Good night (468) Bad night (2130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5 http://tfl.nu/y1kc
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals. http://tfl.nu/d4lh
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1377) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by" http://tfl.nu/24bz
  Replies (14) Good night (307) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF http://tfl.nu/zk16
  Replies (6) Good night (1883) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa. http://tfl.nu/cslo
  Replies (19) Good night (1595) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Is it possibile to sprain your taint?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  She was that bad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Is it possibile to sprain your taint? (1-208): She was that bad? http://tfl.nu/0me7
  Replies (5) Good night (319) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it http://tfl.nu/a0r3
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat. http://tfl.nu/nbay
  Replies (8) Good night (471) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox http://tfl.nu/ge10
  Replies (4) Good night (1080) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death http://tfl.nu/dz9y
  Replies (3) Good night (1382) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick. http://tfl.nu/4v25
  Replies (8) Good night (1744) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN http://tfl.nu/hvye
  Replies (12) Good night (1292) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table. http://tfl.nu/81fa
  Replies (12) Good night (2085) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched. http://tfl.nu/3b2v
  Replies (13) Good night (1042) Bad night (1316)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to. http://tfl.nu/nnoc
  Replies (20) Good night (3437) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch. http://tfl.nu/5xkl
  Replies (11) Good night (919) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
  Replies (6) Good night (1340) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window. http://tfl.nu/rmmm
  Replies (4) Good night (1028) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!" http://tfl.nu/95zk
  Replies (10) Good night (2602) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I'm sorry I peed on your everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I'm sorry I peed on your everything. http://tfl.nu/ktzg
  Replies (5) Good night (617) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club. http://tfl.nu/0u25
  Replies (6) Good night (364) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night. http://tfl.nu/q0n9
  Replies (7) Good night (1025) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch. http://tfl.nu/isdv
  Replies (4) Good night (3202) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations. http://tfl.nu/tgs7
  Replies (9) Good night (1876) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship. http://tfl.nu/wvbn
  Replies (15) Good night (376) Bad night (1277)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable. http://tfl.nu/ga3p
  Replies (5) Good night (1340) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (378) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good http://tfl.nu/2hdv
  Replies (8) Good night (1831) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today. http://tfl.nu/c0a7
  Replies (7) Good night (529) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
  Replies (14) Good night (2584) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night? http://tfl.nu/sddm
  Replies (17) Good night (497) Bad night (1495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time. http://tfl.nu/xcon
  Replies (11) Good night (1669) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL http://tfl.nu/gpbu
  Replies (6) Good night (1768) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1601) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end? http://tfl.nu/mjc4
  Replies (3) Good night (1665) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh' http://tfl.nu/gd1h
  Replies (4) Good night (454) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested http://tfl.nu/5edf
  Replies (4) Good night (1645) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead. http://tfl.nu/efrd
  Replies (11) Good night (2446) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin. http://tfl.nu/p64y
  Replies (5) Good night (1208) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Almost there.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Almost there. (1-402): define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway. http://tfl.nu/xjed
  Replies (1) Good night (1575) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm http://tfl.nu/zhmu
  Replies (9) Good night (847) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever http://tfl.nu/r55b
  Replies (9) Good night (1197) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt
  Replies (4) Good night (1573) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny http://tfl.nu/4qb9
  Replies (9) Good night (3782) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate. http://tfl.nu/d8ay
  Replies (4) Good night (1281) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/qu2m
  Replies (48) Good night (1227) Bad night (2763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (2964) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to! http://tfl.nu/8lua
  Replies (14) Good night (1650) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious http://tfl.nu/bk41
  Replies (2) Good night (997) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  No I didn't. Whiskey did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): You wore a man's plastic top hat last night. (574): No I didn't. Whiskey did. http://tfl.nu/63th
  Replies (5) Good night (1665) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher. http://tfl.nu/fy1c
  Replies (6) Good night (431) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands. http://tfl.nu/2kp5
  Replies (20) Good night (675) Bad night (2529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ." http://tfl.nu/nnzb
  Replies (4) Good night (2312) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/0of8
  Replies (13) Good night (2933) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours http://tfl.nu/8ktt
  Replies (9) Good night (1644) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok http://tfl.nu/vgre
  Replies (7) Good night (1960) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first. http://tfl.nu/jx84
  Replies (5) Good night (900) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar http://tfl.nu/p9qp
  Replies (6) Good night (2941) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick... (320): He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis. http://tfl.nu/fuv3
  Replies (25) Good night (2025) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero (618): I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/8x23
  Replies (16) Good night (2697) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent. http://tfl.nu/pby1
  Replies (6) Good night (1076) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots? http://tfl.nu/z5fp
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement. http://tfl.nu/2735
  Replies (8) Good night (1384) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md
  Replies (19) Good night (2010) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
  Replies (26) Good night (4633) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together. http://tfl.nu/5v90
  Replies (9) Good night (1713) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate? http://tfl.nu/oozq
  Replies (8) Good night (1387) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s
  Replies (2) Good night (2280) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/zxsm
  Replies (6) Good night (1670) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos. http://tfl.nu/iyzz
  Replies (4) Good night (1559) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right? http://tfl.nu/0t3q
  Replies (20) Good night (3311) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire http://tfl.nu/lsgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2054) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs. http://tfl.nu/ixry
  Replies (3) Good night (1403) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat (1-631): I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness http://tfl.nu/blnl
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing" http://tfl.nu/qhff
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls http://tfl.nu/ukym
  Replies (1) Good night (1680) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make http://tfl.nu/3d29
  Replies (5) Good night (1968) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm stealing this baby.

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm stealing this baby. (1-719): Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it? http://tfl.nu/p4hu
  Replies (5) Good night (1192) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.

  (1-310): View more from California

  You're sick. Take pictures if you can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had. (1-310): You're sick. Take pictures if you can. http://tfl.nu/uy3u
  Replies (4) Good night (1694) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it. http://tfl.nu/2ax3
  Replies (12) Good night (2753) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it. http://tfl.nu/1bu2
  Replies (12) Good night (1487) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/pgrs
  Replies (7) Good night (1724) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer. http://tfl.nu/iriu
  Replies (10) Good night (2164) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm
  Replies (26) Good night (4557) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements. http://tfl.nu/p1je
  Replies (8) Good night (1296) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck. http://tfl.nu/zkmt
  Replies (5) Good night (1158) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (9) Good night (1387) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5
  Replies (7) Good night (1422) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again? http://tfl.nu/dyj9
  Replies (3) Good night (1261) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
  Replies (31) Good night (2751) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control. http://tfl.nu/b8uq
  Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  What if our hands were octopus tentacles?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): What if our hands were octopus tentacles? (1-662): You're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/2n3l
  Replies (16) Good night (2162) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year http://tfl.nu/93v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up. http://tfl.nu/gzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (1186) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here http://tfl.nu/nyi7
  Replies (8) Good night (974) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test http://tfl.nu/ucs5
  Replies (4) Good night (1791) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2
  Replies (5) Good night (1630) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction. http://tfl.nu/iqla
  Replies (4) Good night (681) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (10) Good night (2676) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it http://tfl.nu/r81k
  Replies (14) Good night (3130) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance. http://tfl.nu/bud1
  Replies (4) Good night (1164) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck. http://tfl.nu/rwsp
  Replies (5) Good night (939) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece http://tfl.nu/wzfc
  Replies (15) Good night (1424) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I want to break his glasses with my pelvis. http://tfl.nu/5x22
  Replies (10) Good night (1810) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time. http://tfl.nu/ddkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1930) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair http://tfl.nu/vjbt
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/iewi
  Replies (6) Good night (1669) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  How bad is the voicemail?

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): How bad is the voicemail? (1-864): You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/kbpy
  Replies (30) Good night (842) Bad night (2368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors http://tfl.nu/1c0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1834) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt. http://tfl.nu/2b1c
  Replies (7) Good night (628) Bad night (1771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible

  (310): View more from California

  well did you say yes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible (310): well did you say yes? http://tfl.nu/94vg
  Replies (9) Good night (2160) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/i5nq
  Replies (9) Good night (1313) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign http://tfl.nu/pss1
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people. http://tfl.nu/19v1
  Replies (12) Good night (1686) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2786) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (4415) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.

  (1-365): View more from

  I was judging you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over. (1-365): I was judging you. http://tfl.nu/3tin
  Replies (3) Good night (3002) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/r05o
  Replies (7) Good night (1640) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it. http://tfl.nu/knuw
  Replies (7) Good night (1212) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office. http://tfl.nu/3hhh
  Replies (4) Good night (1379) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear http://tfl.nu/gomj
  Replies (6) Good night (1220) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (525): View more from

  It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (525): It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am? http://tfl.nu/0yre
  Replies (14) Good night (3411) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

  (925): View more from California

  Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over? (925): Quite the smooth talker. There in 5. http://tfl.nu/ccg0
  Replies (7) Good night (3017) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman. http://tfl.nu/mmis
  Replies (5) Good night (1587) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips. http://tfl.nu/61sy
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/g5uf
  Replies (26) Good night (851) Bad night (2397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb
  Replies (8) Good night (1639) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4703) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn. http://tfl.nu/jae6
  Replies (11) Good night (1737) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work. http://tfl.nu/815e
  Replies (13) Good night (932) Bad night (2688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
  Replies (7) Good night (2700) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now http://tfl.nu/n0um
  Replies (7) Good night (2433) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house http://tfl.nu/z7wf
  Replies (5) Good night (1571) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off http://tfl.nu/fxgn
  Replies (8) Good night (1169) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation. (1-806): It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that. http://tfl.nu/9jn5
  Replies (13) Good night (1811) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/tdde
  Replies (11) Good night (2710) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): "Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much. http://tfl.nu/4lhq
  Replies (15) Good night (729) Bad night (2294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness http://tfl.nu/gzkv
  Replies (6) Good night (1364) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy http://tfl.nu/gpr6
  Replies (6) Good night (431) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (17) Good night (2112) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave http://tfl.nu/h612
  Replies (16) Good night (1489) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis http://tfl.nu/ldcq
  Replies (2) Good night (1579) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle" http://tfl.nu/r7nr
  Replies (6) Good night (3599) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out. http://tfl.nu/2o8m
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face http://tfl.nu/xoka
  Replies (7) Good night (597) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone" http://tfl.nu/bfbc
  Replies (5) Good night (2478) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (14) Good night (844) Bad night (3110)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die http://tfl.nu/o1vm
  Replies (4) Good night (1302) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree? (1-303): Agreed. http://tfl.nu/l0rd
  Replies (7) Good night (1250) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  im still drunk. birthday week begins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat. (1-704): im still drunk. birthday week begins. http://tfl.nu/iqvd
  Replies (2) Good night (1219) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack. http://tfl.nu/15rr
  Replies (6) Good night (1492) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple. http://tfl.nu/9nil
  Replies (5) Good night (669) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1593) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was once again the drunkest girl at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he was once again the drunkest girl at the party http://tfl.nu/18ag
  Replies (4) Good night (1950) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it. http://tfl.nu/3la0
  Replies (10) Good night (1430) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down. http://tfl.nu/7v0j
  Replies (7) Good night (1742) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/hrea
  Replies (3) Good night (2379) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered" http://tfl.nu/7vwf
  Replies (3) Good night (1877) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation http://tfl.nu/adcz
  Replies (7) Good night (1978) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything. http://tfl.nu/veiz
  Replies (9) Good night (1556) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical  http://tfl.nu/e1go
  Replies (8) Good night (1393) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now. http://tfl.nu/uhhh
  Replies (7) Good night (836) Bad night (2802)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  What goes on in that head of yours?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Gay sex, for the most part. Why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): What goes on in that head of yours? (206): Gay sex, for the most part. Why? http://tfl.nu/64li
  Replies (7) Good night (2118) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up. http://tfl.nu/oo6k
  Replies (4) Good night (506) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/yivs
  Replies (12) Good night (1684) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day http://tfl.nu/u4vh
  Replies (9) Good night (1536) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth (1-870): I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come http://tfl.nu/shj4
  Replies (5) Good night (1671) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are. http://tfl.nu/lq46
  Replies (4) Good night (2033) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently. http://tfl.nu/jfkc
  Replies (11) Good night (2160) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal? http://tfl.nu/2gme
  Replies (6) Good night (887) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3375) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark. http://tfl.nu/ixe0
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison. http://tfl.nu/qs9j
  Replies (22) Good night (1390) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (3743) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms. http://tfl.nu/7exr
  Replies (9) Good night (1580) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on. http://tfl.nu/knov
  Replies (3) Good night (1195) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  Stop giving me tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do. (1-318): Stop giving me tequila. http://tfl.nu/y3ru
  Replies (6) Good night (2075) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic? http://tfl.nu/rudq
  Replies (14) Good night (377) Bad night (2674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
  Replies (8) Good night (2624) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right. http://tfl.nu/6rqx
  Replies (7) Good night (478) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2596) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Elaborate

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Strip Mario-Kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36
  Replies (11) Good night (2487) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :( http://tfl.nu/ztju
  Replies (25) Good night (3295) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes. http://tfl.nu/2pgh
  Replies (13) Good night (3272) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (455): View more from

  As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (455): As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time." http://tfl.nu/cmn4
  Replies (10) Good night (493) Bad night (2053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever http://tfl.nu/s7ex
  Replies (10) Good night (562) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/f6q8
  Replies (7) Good night (1410) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1120) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/pnkf
  Replies (4) Good night (1896) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother http://tfl.nu/1rmv
  Replies (7) Good night (1254) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace. http://tfl.nu/5hw2
  Replies (12) Good night (919) Bad night (1852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal http://tfl.nu/z8hr
  Replies (6) Good night (1638) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship? http://tfl.nu/tepw
  Replies (11) Good night (2184) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail. http://tfl.nu/7539
  Replies (6) Good night (1659) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room. http://tfl.nu/r3lr
  Replies (11) Good night (376) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again http://tfl.nu/uboi
  Replies (5) Good night (1103) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy. http://tfl.nu/ujmz
  Replies (15) Good night (3243) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging http://tfl.nu/urdf
  Replies (27) Good night (749) Bad night (2456)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Things like this can't be explained over text man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh
  Replies (22) Good night (4244) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He should have died. Natural selection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass (240): He should have died. Natural selection. http://tfl.nu/8itz
  Replies (13) Good night (2538) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  ...the American dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit. (1-812): ...the American dream. http://tfl.nu/qt7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2982) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead. http://tfl.nu/na4w
  Replies (6) Good night (3186) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b
  Replies (20) Good night (2262) Bad night (1892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me http://tfl.nu/lmhn
  Replies (7) Good night (1686) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk? http://tfl.nu/ayp8
  Replies (2) Good night (448) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
  Replies (24) Good night (4033) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You almost set me on fire last night.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  You probably deserved it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You almost set me on fire last night. (1-732): You probably deserved it. http://tfl.nu/ggaf
  Replies (9) Good night (3101) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire. http://tfl.nu/2u40
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back. http://tfl.nu/nr6f
  Replies (3) Good night (3040) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn". http://tfl.nu/2c8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2102) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful http://tfl.nu/kqdo
  Replies (11) Good night (2962) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (7194) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals. http://tfl.nu/t5jb
  Replies (19) Good night (3704) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet http://tfl.nu/9wvg
  Replies (3) Good night (3861) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (468) Bad night (3539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq
  Replies (3) Good night (1977) Bad night (1396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me. http://tfl.nu/3sv8
  Replies (16) Good night (3274) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/608m
  Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (2747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car. http://tfl.nu/iiqv
  Replies (4) Good night (638) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (1923) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea. http://tfl.nu/ggoy
  Replies (7) Good night (1783) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced. http://tfl.nu/voth
  Replies (28) Good night (1099) Bad night (5070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said. http://tfl.nu/j7o9
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (1833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world. http://tfl.nu/kbv9
  Replies (18) Good night (2316) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here. http://tfl.nu/6x4c
  Replies (3) Good night (2472) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom. (484): I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hypz
  Replies (7) Good night (4442) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her. http://tfl.nu/w26o
  Replies (10) Good night (1984) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2358) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (4045) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland. http://tfl.nu/5y5k
  Replies (11) Good night (3759) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool" http://tfl.nu/agbu
  Replies (4) Good night (2068) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...) http://tfl.nu/p4po
  Replies (13) Good night (836) Bad night (1607)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume. http://tfl.nu/bk4q
  Replies (8) Good night (2614) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (13) Good night (8180) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  pants will make it better? really?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand. (1-804): pants will make it better? really? http://tfl.nu/cx1r
  Replies (7) Good night (2195) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (3011) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog. http://tfl.nu/3nqo
  Replies (4) Good night (2045) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies http://tfl.nu/2ary
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1798) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually. http://tfl.nu/qiv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2506) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on... http://tfl.nu/jpo3
  Replies (6) Good night (923) Bad night (2430)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" http://tfl.nu/fs29
  Replies (11) Good night (3709) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober http://tfl.nu/fk8a
  Replies (4) Good night (3708) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead. http://tfl.nu/inh1
  Replies (17) Good night (1073) Bad night (3041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point. http://tfl.nu/mbzv
  Replies (10) Good night (1992) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night http://tfl.nu/80v5
  Replies (7) Good night (760) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music... http://tfl.nu/dqnk
  Replies (7) Good night (2582) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center http://tfl.nu/rfee
  Replies (9) Good night (2466) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/70u9
  Replies (3) Good night (1908) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx
  Replies (26) Good night (7280) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you http://tfl.nu/d6cu
  Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (2768)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6
  Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird. http://tfl.nu/t4fk
  Replies (2) Good night (1233) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
  Replies (20) Good night (3328) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning http://tfl.nu/rh9g
  Replies (12) Good night (2164) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type... http://tfl.nu/bma2
  Replies (12) Good night (4294) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe. http://tfl.nu/7qkp
  Replies (5) Good night (1710) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment. http://tfl.nu/rfmt
  Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job. http://tfl.nu/q4uy
  Replies (8) Good night (2241) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool. http://tfl.nu/xgys
  Replies (3) Good night (2212) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail. http://tfl.nu/vicx
  Replies (6) Good night (2449) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3082) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing. http://tfl.nu/78qs
  Replies (6) Good night (1799) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (3872) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites. http://tfl.nu/mbgc
  Replies (13) Good night (2444) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying http://tfl.nu/r0td
  Replies (15) Good night (584) Bad night (2011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no" http://tfl.nu/13gy
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life. http://tfl.nu/34re
  Replies (12) Good night (3505) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked. http://tfl.nu/mtva
  Replies (4) Good night (2157) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes http://tfl.nu/ok45
  Replies (5) Good night (2710) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Drunk you is pretty stunner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me" (612): Drunk you is pretty stunner. http://tfl.nu/hyj5
  Replies (9) Good night (4031) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out http://tfl.nu/wj5z
  Replies (31) Good night (1589) Bad night (5734)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there. http://tfl.nu/vwmy
  Replies (3) Good night (1627) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e
  Replies (6) Good night (5535) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice. http://tfl.nu/je3x
  Replies (5) Good night (2906) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/opf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1450) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle http://tfl.nu/jmfk
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned. http://tfl.nu/e449
  Replies (6) Good night (2363) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44
  Replies (7) Good night (3148) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2yad
  Replies (12) Good night (4083) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick http://tfl.nu/ww0j
  Replies (11) Good night (3770) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face http://tfl.nu/ozvq
  Replies (11) Good night (702) Bad night (1765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
  Replies (12) Good night (3081) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I am going to be fat forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer. (970): I am going to be fat forever. http://tfl.nu/3hpn
  Replies (15) Good night (1328) Bad night (3048)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (3718) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand. http://tfl.nu/5zt4
  Replies (2) Good night (839) Bad night (1772)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (1965) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing

  (206): View more from Washington

  and semen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing (206): and semen http://tfl.nu/0fmk
  Replies (14) Good night (4195) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw. http://tfl.nu/4g8m
  Replies (7) Good night (1615) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl
  Replies (5) Good night (3901) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo. http://tfl.nu/5daz
  Replies (6) Good night (3455) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw
  Replies (7) Good night (1898) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  death...100% death...what r u planning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip? (313): death...100% death...what r u planning. http://tfl.nu/azwl
  Replies (9) Good night (1166) Bad night (1614)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference? http://tfl.nu/d4sd
  Replies (7) Good night (1792) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5011) Bad night (1835)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2636) Bad night (2202)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who is this?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Who is this? (1-603): You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo (603): Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this? http://tfl.nu/iabt
  Replies (5) Good night (2469) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue http://tfl.nu/ia6b
  Replies (18) Good night (4079) Bad night (1874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN. http://tfl.nu/5n63
  Replies (12) Good night (2479) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Why is there bacon braided in my hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Why is there bacon braided in my hair http://tfl.nu/324s
  Replies (15) Good night (3216) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward. http://tfl.nu/xwna
  Replies (3) Good night (763) Bad night (1635)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at http://tfl.nu/66cb
  Replies (5) Good night (2414) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz
  Replies (5) Good night (2330) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer (919): Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can http://tfl.nu/61hu
  Replies (4) Good night (1476) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails http://tfl.nu/p7in
  Replies (12) Good night (3281) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
•