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  • Submitted by Problywasme on Jul 27, 12 at 9:29am

    Instead of meeting me at the pet store, meet me at the top of the stairs.

    • 55 40
      Submitted by ck24 on Jul 27, 12 at 3:19pm

      Make it two flights just to be safe...

  • Submitted by cluelesspy on Jul 27, 12 at 10:20am

    Yeah, but no one gets all bent outta shape when you leave the puppy in a small cage and go out for a few hours...

  • 69 38
    Submitted by nitro420 on Jul 27, 12 at 6:35pm

    I have wanted a puppy forever and ever since my dog died when I was 8. Bitch, a baby is not an acceptable substitute.

  • 68 43
    Submitted by EatmeTwice on Jul 27, 12 at 10:06am

    I bet I can chug this everclear faster than you. Every day for the next couple of weeks.

  • 58 43
    Submitted by daisydukeluke on Jul 27, 12 at 3:58pm

    Congrats on the pregnancy! Btw, I'm gonna need a paternity test before you get a penny outta me.

    • 51 36
      Submitted by ck24 on Jul 27, 12 at 9:39pm

      Hell yea, bitch isn't getting any money until I get that paternity test saying the little bastard is mine!

  • 54 44
    Submitted by rimmion on Jul 27, 12 at 9:48pm

    Frankly, at this point, I would not trust you with a puppy.

  • 56 50
    Submitted by jbwarner86 on Jul 27, 12 at 12:06pm

    Isn't this how Calvin was born?

    • 58 58
      Submitted by rimmion on Jul 27, 12 at 9:46pm

      Great Calvin and Hobbes reference!

  • 51 44
    Submitted by thisisfromjosh on Jul 28, 12 at 12:59am

    Messed up ha

  • 66 85
    Submitted by dmoney1234 on Jul 27, 12 at 9:52am

    Ill get the coat hanger and cigarettes.

  • 7 5
    Submitted by itsjustme16 on Apr 27, 14 at 4:31am

    This text managed to turn something beautiful to something that sounds like it was an awful surprise to the recipient lol

  • 3 5
    Submitted by itsjustme16 on Apr 27, 14 at 4:33am

    And cluelesspy, you sir won the Internet July 27, 2012 lol