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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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