Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (559)

Last Night in California (559)

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I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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(559): I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face" http://tfl.nu/zv08

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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

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That depends on who this is.

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(559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm

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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

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(559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore

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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

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...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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(559): i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers... (559): ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win! http://tfl.nu/147d

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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n

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sry, psychiatrist trumps professor

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(707): I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n (559): sry, psychiatrist trumps professor http://tfl.nu/qnkf

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today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

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(559): today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus. http://tfl.nu/murq

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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

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(559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt

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You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.

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(559): You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community. http://tfl.nu/nzga

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With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

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(559): With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake. http://tfl.nu/no1z

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We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.

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(559): We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley. http://tfl.nu/4bq4

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So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

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and??

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Cake is only good when you eat it

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(559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq

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Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

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(559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf

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i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.

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(559): i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat. http://tfl.nu/jbsx

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if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean

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(559): if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean http://tfl.nu/a5l2

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the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.

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(559): the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more. http://tfl.nu/a0ch

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Last Night in California (559)

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