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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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