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- (641): Went to the career fair. handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree. Top that.
- #TextsIHate (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
- http://tfl.nu/book (970): Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
- (519): I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible. http://tfl.nu/book
- (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you
- (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/book
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