Texts From Last Night

jonathan171's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP http://tfl.nu/mtep
  Replies (6) Good night (714) Bad night (167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited. http://tfl.nu/4qpj
  Replies (13) Good night (1574) Bad night (163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Feel free to use me as a reference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack. (778): Feel free to use me as a reference. http://tfl.nu/6uxg
  Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (144)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech. http://tfl.nu/hajp
  Replies (7) Good night (1438) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success. http://tfl.nu/f7f6
  Replies (12) Good night (2584) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS. http://tfl.nu/gbcc
  Replies (15) Good night (1284) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
  Replies (8) Good night (2146) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic. http://tfl.nu/aejw
  Replies (8) Good night (794) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
  Replies (7) Good night (218) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (1922) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail. http://tfl.nu/b2ml
  Replies (11) Good night (161) Bad night (3456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  How bad is the voicemail?

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): How bad is the voicemail? (1-864): You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/kbpy
  Replies (29) Good night (577) Bad night (2038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night. http://tfl.nu/mfpz
  Replies (4) Good night (2044) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou
  Replies (20) Good night (3183) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms! http://tfl.nu/ase3
  Replies (4) Good night (1072) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (10) Good night (670) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die". http://tfl.nu/gpa4
  Replies (3) Good night (944) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail? http://tfl.nu/0cec
  Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now. http://tfl.nu/j4tm
  Replies (8) Good night (369) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka. http://tfl.nu/wfce
  Replies (5) Good night (797) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he's gonorrhea incarnate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he's gonorrhea incarnate http://tfl.nu/krir
  Replies (2) Good night (188) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle http://tfl.nu/8rh4
  Replies (4) Good night (1312) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Brilliant thought; pill pong.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What could go wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Brilliant thought; pill pong. (651): What could go wrong? http://tfl.nu/lofi
  Replies (12) Good night (610) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (12) Good night (603) Bad night (2767)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me http://tfl.nu/qsky
  Replies (9) Good night (1722) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (5) Good night (1819) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life. http://tfl.nu/f41e
  Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (189) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7
  Replies (7) Good night (1317) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..

  (630): View more from Illinois

  how did he take it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  not as well as i would have thought

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex.. (630): how did he take it? (847): not as well as i would have thought http://tfl.nu/nj94
  Replies (6) Good night (1128) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, that was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick? (215): Yeah, that was you http://tfl.nu/rydz
  Replies (7) Good night (2418) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month. http://tfl.nu/irqs
  Replies (11) Good night (1673) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover http://tfl.nu/rxwn
  Replies (6) Good night (667) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2373) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out. http://tfl.nu/4jcj
  Replies (5) Good night (805) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake http://tfl.nu/hoqc
  Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Lube is flammable

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who is this??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Lube is flammable (404): Who is this?? http://tfl.nu/y4u7
  Replies (17) Good night (3195) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face" http://tfl.nu/ajht
  Replies (6) Good night (1816) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too http://tfl.nu/3dvb
  Replies (20) Good night (1245) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom. http://tfl.nu/lin9
  Replies (4) Good night (251) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/8fby
  Replies (7) Good night (431) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/4yf1
  Replies (17) Good night (1239) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE." http://tfl.nu/k46u
  Replies (8) Good night (427) Bad night (1410)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use. http://tfl.nu/kozs
  Replies (7) Good night (922) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm
  Replies (5) Good night (1324) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad. http://tfl.nu/4hs3
  Replies (13) Good night (371) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop. http://tfl.nu/b326
  Replies (16) Good night (409) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during http://tfl.nu/5f1x
  Replies (18) Good night (2281) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot. http://tfl.nu/3yos
  Replies (18) Good night (1493) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts. 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.  http://tfl.nu/0ezy
  Replies (6) Good night (1173) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff. http://tfl.nu/wfam
  Replies (3) Good night (264) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver? http://tfl.nu/hdgc
  Replies (6) Good night (289) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/8xfg
  Replies (8) Good night (1744) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock. http://tfl.nu/6tse
  Replies (15) Good night (1339) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night... http://tfl.nu/707e
  Replies (14) Good night (2860) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that. http://tfl.nu/drll
  Replies (12) Good night (1779) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real. http://tfl.nu/66oa
  Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck. http://tfl.nu/6fxi
  Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times. http://tfl.nu/buvd
  Replies (5) Good night (238) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed http://tfl.nu/1r9l
  Replies (25) Good night (1524) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on (267): It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID... http://tfl.nu/2nuu
  Replies (9) Good night (2725) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control. http://tfl.nu/cnqj
  Replies (17) Good night (1947) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes. http://tfl.nu/aq7l
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Her idea of kinky involved a tazer

  (850): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going back tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Her idea of kinky involved a tazer (850): wtf? (270): I'm going back tonight http://tfl.nu/a9kb
  Replies (14) Good night (2304) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American. http://tfl.nu/gnds
  Replies (14) Good night (2986) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is. http://tfl.nu/1m0s
  Replies (11) Good night (1883) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal http://tfl.nu/u38b
  Replies (6) Good night (1645) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now? http://tfl.nu/mo61
  Replies (16) Good night (2289) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  walking out with herpes. that would be worse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information (1-701): walking out with herpes. that would be worse http://tfl.nu/edgz
  Replies (11) Good night (2231) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester? http://tfl.nu/lq06
  Replies (20) Good night (3995) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time. http://tfl.nu/ap64
  Replies (4) Good night (408) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here http://tfl.nu/yv0c
  Replies (4) Good night (911) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs? http://tfl.nu/7n3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1343) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday http://tfl.nu/8jtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1390) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL. http://tfl.nu/sk5h
  Replies (21) Good night (1408) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened. http://tfl.nu/llik
  Replies (19) Good night (1200) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (2817) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide. http://tfl.nu/8iit
  Replies (4) Good night (415) Bad night (1623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now? http://tfl.nu/ch6a
  Replies (10) Good night (495) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
  Replies (21) Good night (4704) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer. http://tfl.nu/iju5
  Replies (12) Good night (1316) Bad night (949)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda. http://tfl.nu/j95t
  Replies (20) Good night (1866) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person http://tfl.nu/p4il
  Replies (11) Good night (2026) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right http://tfl.nu/dqke
  Replies (35) Good night (2867) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband. http://tfl.nu/lfj6
  Replies (10) Good night (1810) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick http://tfl.nu/2v5j
  Replies (15) Good night (682) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851
  Replies (3) Good night (1544) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
  Replies (17) Good night (476) Bad night (2648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle. http://tfl.nu/3imx
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4097) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off. http://tfl.nu/7uo8
  Replies (12) Good night (1531) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex." http://tfl.nu/1pf1
  Replies (20) Good night (2466) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday. http://tfl.nu/juga
  Replies (5) Good night (1345) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county. http://tfl.nu/h5dk
  Replies (12) Good night (1164) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt. http://tfl.nu/lbvc
  Replies (11) Good night (643) Bad night (1916)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me. http://tfl.nu/liob
  Replies (4) Good night (1435) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right? http://tfl.nu/yok0
  Replies (10) Good night (1211) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up. http://tfl.nu/gycw
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her. http://tfl.nu/z51y
  Replies (19) Good night (2287) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy. (1-775): I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/3byv
  Replies (6) Good night (1964) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly. http://tfl.nu/f0vi
  Replies (10) Good night (2119) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away. http://tfl.nu/e1yg
  Replies (9) Good night (2017) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina. (978): Thats a chance were just gonna have to take http://tfl.nu/hpgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1462) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head http://tfl.nu/u456
  Replies (3) Good night (1047) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often http://tfl.nu/ivea
  Replies (7) Good night (1940) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash? http://tfl.nu/uuv0
  Replies (8) Good night (2140) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/jdnb
  Replies (23) Good night (4956) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN http://tfl.nu/2m0y
  Replies (17) Good night (1715) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts. http://tfl.nu/zklc
  Replies (6) Good night (1107) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (39) Good night (7535) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference http://tfl.nu/iojb
  Replies (7) Good night (2130) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me. http://tfl.nu/lmi5
  Replies (5) Good night (1371) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me. http://tfl.nu/pfoh
  Replies (7) Good night (2884) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab. http://tfl.nu/4t90
  Replies (7) Good night (1257) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name. http://tfl.nu/h5ua
  Replies (7) Good night (427) Bad night (2316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates. http://tfl.nu/w536
  Replies (8) Good night (2470) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think http://tfl.nu/90ww
  Replies (8) Good night (2091) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it. http://tfl.nu/n6h2
  Replies (18) Good night (3201) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound. http://tfl.nu/4n17
  Replies (4) Good night (953) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts http://tfl.nu/5nex
  Replies (6) Good night (1304) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's got a legit dose of dude going on

  (240): View more from Maryland

  No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro. http://tfl.nu/3s7e
  Replies (9) Good night (2715) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%

  (1-914): View more from New York

  He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85% (1-914): He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal http://tfl.nu/wtvm
  Replies (15) Good night (1917) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not. http://tfl.nu/n7ii
  Replies (12) Good night (2769) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Blow your rape whistle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar (1-336): Blow your rape whistle http://tfl.nu/5qj3
  Replies (21) Good night (2631) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2429) Bad night (1989)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (871) Bad night (4319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina http://tfl.nu/fhci
  Replies (11) Good night (2550) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v
  Replies (4) Good night (1595) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/nvwn
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (1595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/humv
  Replies (10) Good night (3724) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward. http://tfl.nu/g0hu
  Replies (7) Good night (836) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment. http://tfl.nu/6ofo
  Replies (7) Good night (1753) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7
  Replies (11) Good night (4076) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult. http://tfl.nu/japr
  Replies (9) Good night (1740) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders. http://tfl.nu/u1xt
  Replies (19) Good night (2673) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up http://tfl.nu/mf69
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever. http://tfl.nu/5f06
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (1512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night. http://tfl.nu/5hoo
  Replies (7) Good night (2018) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream," http://tfl.nu/rf9x
  Replies (8) Good night (3170) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex. http://tfl.nu/9fy5
  Replies (14) Good night (3990) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad. http://tfl.nu/fabc
  Replies (7) Good night (1129) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do. http://tfl.nu/rr6r
  Replies (20) Good night (877) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage. http://tfl.nu/zk4v
  Replies (8) Good night (766) Bad night (2236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7 http://tfl.nu/thj7
  Replies (14) Good night (5809) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year. http://tfl.nu/vpjz
  Replies (3) Good night (1590) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6
  Replies (23) Good night (4260) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out http://tfl.nu/67gz
  Replies (2) Good night (2915) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
  Replies (9) Good night (3202) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it http://tfl.nu/wltj
  Replies (6) Good night (2460) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/8d6y
  Replies (8) Good night (3178) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch http://tfl.nu/wbxj
  Replies (13) Good night (3784) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here. http://tfl.nu/r3kt
  Replies (14) Good night (3283) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one. http://tfl.nu/csjr
  Replies (10) Good night (881) Bad night (4463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole http://tfl.nu/t9xv
  Replies (15) Good night (2580) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass http://tfl.nu/s4so
  Replies (11) Good night (1449) Bad night (4717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love. http://tfl.nu/nlvg
  Replies (13) Good night (5072) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ddwi
  Replies (9) Good night (3213) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face http://tfl.nu/kk03
  Replies (27) Good night (3804) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper http://tfl.nu/xgjg
  Replies (16) Good night (3138) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things. http://tfl.nu/vads
  Replies (8) Good night (3354) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday http://tfl.nu/dtfw
  Replies (8) Good night (3254) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory". http://tfl.nu/k9y0
  Replies (12) Good night (2191) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop. http://tfl.nu/r5qk
  Replies (7) Good night (1426) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing http://tfl.nu/lzer
  Replies (15) Good night (3060) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket. http://tfl.nu/y613
  Replies (23) Good night (4278) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though. http://tfl.nu/qm3u
  Replies (18) Good night (5351) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged. http://tfl.nu/etq6
  Replies (6) Good night (2462) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes http://tfl.nu/n4pv
  Replies (11) Good night (3371) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry. http://tfl.nu/3vhb
  Replies (6) Good night (2480) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed http://tfl.nu/b65f
  Replies (5) Good night (2352) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (995) Bad night (2343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (3606) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time. http://tfl.nu/fcdx
  Replies (13) Good night (3912) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment http://tfl.nu/5u6p
  Replies (11) Good night (4522) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried? http://tfl.nu/xci2
  Replies (14) Good night (3568) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just found a bag of teeth...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just found a bag of teeth... http://tfl.nu/rg4d
  Replies (18) Good night (1016) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  and now there are teeth marks on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): and now there are teeth marks on my dick. http://tfl.nu/97y3
  Replies (17) Good night (948) Bad night (5279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (4931) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her. http://tfl.nu/dxlc
  Replies (12) Good night (3388) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
  Replies (16) Good night (4570) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed. http://tfl.nu/gl5z
  Replies (12) Good night (3990) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4271) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else http://tfl.nu/imin
  Replies (8) Good night (2413) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here. http://tfl.nu/e0yb
  Replies (6) Good night (2971) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP http://tfl.nu/p7o6
  Replies (22) Good night (3867) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo
  Replies (34) Good night (8729) Bad night (1966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job? http://tfl.nu/emh8
  Replies (10) Good night (2456) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning. http://tfl.nu/6rsw
  Replies (17) Good night (3525) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever. http://tfl.nu/klad
  Replies (20) Good night (6851) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge. http://tfl.nu/qm3g
  Replies (21) Good night (3124) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper. http://tfl.nu/3wm1
  Replies (13) Good night (1878) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders? http://tfl.nu/9s8f
  Replies (14) Good night (4375) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up. http://tfl.nu/dd2l
  Replies (10) Good night (4261) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh god was she eating orange peels again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): oh god was she eating orange peels again http://tfl.nu/g701
  Replies (7) Good night (905) Bad night (2133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  thats the international knock for joint time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell (901): thats the international knock for joint time http://tfl.nu/xbry
  Replies (7) Good night (3849) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6254) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ http://tfl.nu/txmt
  Replies (16) Good night (4544) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me. http://tfl.nu/hmc1
  Replies (11) Good night (3677) Bad night (1564)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time? http://tfl.nu/50jt
  Replies (14) Good night (3543) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick?? http://tfl.nu/vxvq
  Replies (12) Good night (2920) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny. http://tfl.nu/fz99
  Replies (23) Good night (1094) Bad night (2560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye http://tfl.nu/fu4x
  Replies (24) Good night (3286) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome. http://tfl.nu/6uzt
  Replies (18) Good night (3547) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5220) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (815) Bad night (5336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service http://tfl.nu/s56z
  Replies (17) Good night (5647) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared. http://tfl.nu/cseo
  Replies (9) Good night (2820) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off. http://tfl.nu/r6m3
  Replies (12) Good night (4027) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8942) Bad night (1932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5033) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (7764) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1
  Replies (12) Good night (871) Bad night (3238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up. http://tfl.nu/s8n4
  Replies (14) Good night (2428) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask http://tfl.nu/g6ag
  Replies (10) Good night (1257) Bad night (2614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt
  Replies (24) Good night (1048) Bad night (6881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (11816) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery. http://tfl.nu/hbuh
  Replies (7) Good night (1014) Bad night (4066)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/hmmb
  Replies (8) Good night (578) Bad night (3716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake. http://tfl.nu/amef
  Replies (18) Good night (4974) Bad night (1406)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert? http://tfl.nu/7qpe
  Replies (7) Good night (813) Bad night (2281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack http://tfl.nu/ipzj
  Replies (15) Good night (2864) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house. http://tfl.nu/r4z4
  Replies (5) Good night (1881) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower. http://tfl.nu/w3u9
  Replies (11) Good night (2669) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of http://tfl.nu/1krw
  Replies (10) Good night (3312) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?" http://tfl.nu/3mlg
  Replies (8) Good night (660) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0b4p
  Replies (28) Good night (5426) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her. http://tfl.nu/yn7x
  Replies (15) Good night (4724) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4137) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could". http://tfl.nu/pxbj
  Replies (21) Good night (7643) Bad night (1564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise. http://tfl.nu/lz74
  Replies (9) Good night (3667) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl. http://tfl.nu/auau
  Replies (18) Good night (1467) Bad night (3977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth http://tfl.nu/es05
  Replies (24) Good night (1441) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5403) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs? http://tfl.nu/r8li
  Replies (15) Good night (1054) Bad night (4970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner. http://tfl.nu/f3ww
  Replies (14) Good night (5188) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cjv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2947) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5006) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger. http://tfl.nu/s2b5
  Replies (4) Good night (2407) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate http://tfl.nu/8imj
  Replies (16) Good night (1616) Bad night (4449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

  (1-631): View more from New York

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon (1-631): wow. http://tfl.nu/6n98
  Replies (20) Good night (4378) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
  Replies (20) Good night (2159) Bad night (4156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life http://tfl.nu/9zyl
  Replies (10) Good night (5927) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb
  Replies (17) Good night (3684) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
  Replies (31) Good night (2430) Bad night (5098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6032) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
  Replies (38) Good night (8707) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
  Replies (20) Good night (1365) Bad night (3655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7487)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS! http://tfl.nu/o380
  Replies (49) Good night (2870) Bad night (4835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her? http://tfl.nu/v1vy
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7428) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1
  Replies (71) Good night (5254) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again. http://tfl.nu/k4e9
  Replies (88) Good night (1144) Bad night (9698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home? http://tfl.nu/2ss6
  Replies (29) Good night (5225) Bad night (1940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out http://tfl.nu/5zdd
  Replies (44) Good night (1126) Bad night (4644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them. http://tfl.nu/y8vc
  Replies (10) Good night (3359) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (4982) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg
  Replies (9) Good night (3879) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25089) Bad night (1924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it. http://tfl.nu/2i57
  Replies (42) Good night (3863) Bad night (4147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy. http://tfl.nu/kmxm
  Replies (34) Good night (1483) Bad night (4572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (3917) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4541) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10389) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me. http://tfl.nu/w40e
  Replies (34) Good night (1235) Bad night (4157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/6j12
  Replies (19) Good night (4322) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7115) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (2850) Bad night (8119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3911) Bad night (9298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen. http://tfl.nu/9jnz
  Replies (18) Good night (4930) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin http://tfl.nu/3pnd
  Replies (30) Good night (947) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6617) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4673) Bad night (2405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices http://tfl.nu/clic
  Replies (34) Good night (7025) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch. http://tfl.nu/cail
  Replies (51) Good night (813) Bad night (5300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1397) Bad night (8315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough. http://tfl.nu/js6s
  Replies (19) Good night (5488) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (8794) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized. http://tfl.nu/p6rg
  Replies (11) Good night (724) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/kyk3
  Replies (24) Good night (1978) Bad night (3368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student... http://tfl.nu/ab9h
  Replies (25) Good night (5638) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v
  Replies (29) Good night (7934) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj
  Replies (18) Good night (4369) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y
  Replies (16) Good night (4684) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (34) Good night (6399) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4294) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (35) Good night (6734) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
  Replies (27) Good night (933) Bad night (6766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced. http://tfl.nu/90fx
  Replies (25) Good night (5123) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too. http://tfl.nu/itca
  Replies (14) Good night (3929) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (81) Good night (8885) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/11rw
  Replies (15) Good night (3390) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade. http://tfl.nu/j0qu
  Replies (65) Good night (3087) Bad night (6194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (4713) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4 http://tfl.nu/9o7z
  Replies (45) Good night (1853) Bad night (6490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (17) Good night (4930) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7680) Bad night (7940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5919) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2277) Bad night (6381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before http://tfl.nu/c77w
  Replies (37) Good night (1688) Bad night (5574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9546) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation http://tfl.nu/s4ly
  Replies (15) Good night (982) Bad night (3101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty http://tfl.nu/6xch
  Replies (14) Good night (4190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (1802) Bad night (6403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1440) Bad night (5038)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8409) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof. http://tfl.nu/2421
  Replies (20) Good night (7218) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (4975) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Dignity is for republicans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Dignity is for republicans. http://tfl.nu/vkse
  Replies (39) Good night (4578) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj
  Replies (21) Good night (4812) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea http://tfl.nu/v7d1
  Replies (20) Good night (1178) Bad night (4891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8203) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game. http://tfl.nu/593t
  Replies (27) Good night (528) Bad night (5085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up. http://tfl.nu/q8q2
  Replies (10) Good night (3442) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (1768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14
  Replies (26) Good night (2758) Bad night (5959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7598) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12204) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (1765) Bad night (7965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (11) Good night (4446) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11253) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano http://tfl.nu/qhs9
  Replies (22) Good night (820) Bad night (5930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (10) Good night (5906) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5606) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk
  Replies (84) Good night (12207) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (6965) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (5933) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (8938) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4159) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (10529) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (809) Bad night (8830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (848) Bad night (5184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4619) Bad night (1758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (4855) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+06): View more from

  it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+06): it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever.. http://tfl.nu/huu2
  Replies (36) Good night (924) Bad night (7126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'. http://tfl.nu/kkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (5554) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back. http://tfl.nu/58ah
  Replies (35) Good night (910) Bad night (6948)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31262) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy. http://tfl.nu/3fjx
  Replies (19) Good night (3570) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case". http://tfl.nu/rki3
  Replies (22) Good night (3458) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me http://tfl.nu/5b8j
  Replies (10) Good night (2808) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3685) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean. http://tfl.nu/fik0
  Replies (44) Good night (9679) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3025) Bad night (1424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3176) Bad night (11799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12054) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh
  Replies (30) Good night (5365) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (38) Good night (5773) Bad night (2635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/7jau
  Replies (13) Good night (3507) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5
  Replies (13) Good night (720) Bad night (5557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  our generation is not ready to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9
  Replies (49) Good night (6471) Bad night (2132)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12381) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10887) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix. http://tfl.nu/qngr
  Replies (59) Good night (4576) Bad night (1564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian. http://tfl.nu/9yc5
  Replies (49) Good night (4836) Bad night (1499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): his penis was the training wheels of my sex life http://tfl.nu/y4t8
  Replies (15) Good night (4384) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17713) Bad night (2148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it. http://tfl.nu/x2j0
  Replies (159) Good night (5623) Bad night (1732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore. http://tfl.nu/9xwr
  Replies (44) Good night (3731) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4012) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1941) Bad night (5830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive? http://tfl.nu/wveq
  Replies (45) Good night (5500) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (6901) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6291) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily. http://tfl.nu/l76l
  Replies (40) Good night (3863) Bad night (4452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys? http://tfl.nu/ew5s
  Replies (26) Good night (5295) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28533) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1132) Bad night (5807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (36) Good night (10334) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you http://tfl.nu/m0v0
  Replies (31) Good night (7661) Bad night (1060)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...

  (214): View more from Texas

  Was she wearing cherry chapstick??

  (972): View more from Texas

  No. Life's not always a fairytale.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan... (214): Was she wearing cherry chapstick?? (972): No. Life's not always a fairytale..... http://tfl.nu/2nel
  Replies (24) Good night (6272) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny. http://tfl.nu/r59v
  Replies (17) Good night (523) Bad night (3718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook. http://tfl.nu/a58w
  Replies (23) Good night (6632) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59212) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12885) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1623) Bad night (24765)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9642) Bad night (2711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans http://tfl.nu/906w
  Replies (154) Good night (7630) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Nah. I did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him? (1-978): Nah. I did too. http://tfl.nu/9ism
  Replies (67) Good night (2427) Bad night (3794) Order T-Shirt