Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Puerto Rico (787)

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  Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!

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  (787): Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud! http://tfl.nu/y0cl
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  I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey

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  (787): I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/3kl5
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  I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement

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  (787): I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement http://tfl.nu/yxd8
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  I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure

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  (787): I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure http://tfl.nu/bq2q
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  I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities

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  (787): I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities http://tfl.nu/2egx
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  The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.

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  (787): The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared. http://tfl.nu/3l2w
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  Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore

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  (787): Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore http://tfl.nu/sv88
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  I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait

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  (787): I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait http://tfl.nu/887l
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  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

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  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
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  Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow

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  (787): Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow http://tfl.nu/puo2
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  It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.

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  (787): It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life. http://tfl.nu/p96v
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  Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.

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  (787): Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now. http://tfl.nu/rhtn
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  They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music

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  (787): They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music http://tfl.nu/mg50
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  She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain

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  (787): She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain http://tfl.nu/0oj5
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  antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions

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  (787): antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/y7o6
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