Texts From Last Night

DanaCake's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5
  Replies (6) Good night (2458) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate. http://tfl.nu/ujin
  Replies (7) Good night (2128) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3322) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that http://tfl.nu/xola
  Replies (7) Good night (2248) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif
  Replies (36) Good night (4498) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm teaching my cat to play fetch

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yep, it's a friday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina (404): I'm teaching my cat to play fetch (678): Yep, it's a friday http://tfl.nu/op0w
  Replies (10) Good night (1882) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured (617): I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed http://tfl.nu/ilci
  Replies (14) Good night (2200) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth. http://tfl.nu/k58a
  Replies (29) Good night (1877) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight. http://tfl.nu/a50k
  Replies (7) Good night (2596) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow. http://tfl.nu/xfpi
  Replies (20) Good night (2732) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit. http://tfl.nu/t89l
  Replies (9) Good night (3591) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude. im stealing that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS! (410): dude. im stealing that. http://tfl.nu/qlpb
  Replies (12) Good night (3207) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (13) Good night (7480) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear http://tfl.nu/ry3a
  Replies (7) Good night (1890) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee http://tfl.nu/8pkh
  Replies (20) Good night (1558) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party http://tfl.nu/vtss
  Replies (8) Good night (3496) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically http://tfl.nu/1zdp
  Replies (5) Good night (3620) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in?? http://tfl.nu/j32d
  Replies (4) Good night (1373) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (32) Good night (6102) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission http://tfl.nu/3kcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1727) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine. http://tfl.nu/vfal
  Replies (5) Good night (1510) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love. http://tfl.nu/oh98
  Replies (7) Good night (1465) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice! http://tfl.nu/fa1l
  Replies (7) Good night (2862) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.* (310): Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche. http://tfl.nu/gxdj
  Replies (12) Good night (2470) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten. http://tfl.nu/1asa
  Replies (12) Good night (5132) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends http://tfl.nu/16wy
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv
  Replies (3) Good night (2383) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend http://tfl.nu/wdl5
  Replies (13) Good night (2977) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere" http://tfl.nu/ju0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3079) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2286) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses http://tfl.nu/2wtf
  Replies (6) Good night (2045) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  AMAZING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye (908): AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/tp4d
  Replies (5) Good night (1835) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (3822) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6213) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall http://tfl.nu/ora9
  Replies (6) Good night (3314) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover http://tfl.nu/xq4s
  Replies (7) Good night (2425) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here http://tfl.nu/ic1h
  Replies (7) Good night (2435) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing" http://tfl.nu/qoaq
  Replies (9) Good night (3934) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Champagne is a vitamin, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Champagne is a vitamin, right? http://tfl.nu/gkox
  Replies (4) Good night (2016) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today? http://tfl.nu/iuhq
  Replies (9) Good night (4037) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it http://tfl.nu/80uu
  Replies (7) Good night (4547) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways. http://tfl.nu/jmoy
  Replies (3) Good night (2381) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional. (970): Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?" http://tfl.nu/doci
  Replies (8) Good night (3049) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in? http://tfl.nu/zbg4
  Replies (10) Good night (2554) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Be still, my beating vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Be still, my beating vagina. http://tfl.nu/qyal
  Replies (22) Good night (3960) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it http://tfl.nu/h3ck
  Replies (6) Good night (3802) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3505) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today. http://tfl.nu/aa1v
  Replies (21) Good night (4929) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk. http://tfl.nu/adyj
  Replies (4) Good night (2147) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4586) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good. http://tfl.nu/bblv
  Replies (7) Good night (2500) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me. http://tfl.nu/fe7a
  Replies (2) Good night (2229) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (2818) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face. http://tfl.nu/dfnt
  Replies (13) Good night (2163) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency http://tfl.nu/yuks
  Replies (10) Good night (3576) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th? http://tfl.nu/27j9
  Replies (12) Good night (2922) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind" http://tfl.nu/73d5
  Replies (14) Good night (2570) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/rj6y
  Replies (4) Good night (2147) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2604) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8391) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish. http://tfl.nu/ywfu
  Replies (62) Good night (5148) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably http://tfl.nu/eax2
  Replies (6) Good night (1147) Bad night (1972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (4839) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality? http://tfl.nu/z0do
  Replies (11) Good night (2400) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6492) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest" http://tfl.nu/ei63
  Replies (12) Good night (3583) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l
  Replies (15) Good night (3947) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together... http://tfl.nu/sic1
  Replies (13) Good night (4583) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it http://tfl.nu/0kvz
  Replies (13) Good night (4013) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (2837) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

  (1-661): View more from California

  1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m
  Replies (12) Good night (3945) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (11) Good night (4988) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this. http://tfl.nu/rnqg
  Replies (12) Good night (2420) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life http://tfl.nu/mnvk
  Replies (11) Good night (4932) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais http://tfl.nu/hn97
  Replies (9) Good night (2210) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (31) Good night (10349) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (3575) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (5577) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn
  Replies (16) Good night (6016) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7 http://tfl.nu/lyiq
  Replies (3) Good night (2302) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject. http://tfl.nu/69m3
  Replies (7) Good night (1123) Bad night (1953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (10895) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out. (1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend. http://tfl.nu/y4qo
  Replies (24) Good night (4929) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2602) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made. http://tfl.nu/g5vb
  Replies (16) Good night (5823) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k
  Replies (11) Good night (5266) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (4792) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (15437) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wait... oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM (616): Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek? (401): wait... oh http://tfl.nu/kgtx
  Replies (9) Good night (2901) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136548) Bad night (8387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases http://tfl.nu/lpic
  Replies (14) Good night (4766) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5515) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok. http://tfl.nu/bya3
  Replies (6) Good night (1467) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
  Replies (17) Good night (3678) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I am NOT getting arrested in a wig. http://tfl.nu/5nul
  Replies (15) Good night (2257) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7455) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
  Replies (15) Good night (4079) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (3759) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd
  Replies (7) Good night (3511) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success. http://tfl.nu/qxy1
  Replies (8) Good night (3033) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am? http://tfl.nu/ceer
  Replies (12) Good night (2408) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2690) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
  Replies (13) Good night (6458) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus" http://tfl.nu/8y4p
  Replies (12) Good night (3566) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america http://tfl.nu/rqmz
  Replies (9) Good night (1332) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10387) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome http://tfl.nu/oppr
  Replies (6) Good night (3966) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue http://tfl.nu/hmo2
  Replies (23) Good night (7754) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  that girl last night was a 15

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  wait she was 15?

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it http://tfl.nu/qny1
  Replies (52) Good night (3851) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him. http://tfl.nu/gawh
  Replies (5) Good night (2523) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (8392) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6178) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist. http://tfl.nu/cj2p
  Replies (15) Good night (3767) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce. http://tfl.nu/u88l
  Replies (15) Good night (5388) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever . http://tfl.nu/6kwm
  Replies (6) Good night (2548) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7952) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

  (607): View more from New York

  what a beautiful fairy tale

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3
  Replies (33) Good night (10295) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (7799) Bad night (3087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu. http://tfl.nu/2u8z
  Replies (12) Good night (3465) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with. http://tfl.nu/qhgi
  Replies (11) Good night (2494) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/0yym
  Replies (7) Good night (3062) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5
  Replies (14) Good night (4815) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  ambylanc

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  what?

  (519): View more from Ontario

  there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): ambylanc (1-519): what? (519): there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it. http://tfl.nu/lrq4
  Replies (8) Good night (2640) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (35) Good night (8546) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5559) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates. http://tfl.nu/zki5
  Replies (2) Good night (2054) Bad night (1695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again. http://tfl.nu/j7t8
  Replies (19) Good night (4234) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7021) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body. http://tfl.nu/sy4q
  Replies (22) Good night (7653) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (48981) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5725) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7584) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me. http://tfl.nu/s5ld
  Replies (8) Good night (2996) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  stop calling my apartment porn island.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): stop calling my apartment porn island. http://tfl.nu/7ji0
  Replies (15) Good night (4645) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (557) Bad night (2346)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits. http://tfl.nu/3eyr
  Replies (19) Good night (4068) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that http://tfl.nu/izum
  Replies (75) Good night (683) Bad night (5528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4166) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku
  Replies (9) Good night (3745) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu
  Replies (62) Good night (15897) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination http://tfl.nu/cegt
  Replies (1) Good night (1512) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people http://tfl.nu/4uzt
  Replies (16) Good night (3216) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab. http://tfl.nu/cf76
  Replies (29) Good night (7456) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (22010) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger. http://tfl.nu/azyx
  Replies (8) Good night (997) Bad night (5487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3106) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks. http://tfl.nu/a8rg
  Replies (19) Good night (3483) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8949) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up. http://tfl.nu/dd2l
  Replies (10) Good night (4258) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in? http://tfl.nu/76bu
  Replies (16) Good night (8004) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat http://tfl.nu/frov
  Replies (24) Good night (4278) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  where are you?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Hypothermia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): where are you? (240): Hypothermia http://tfl.nu/1rtk
  Replies (20) Good night (1605) Bad night (3328)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart http://tfl.nu/4nfy
  Replies (21) Good night (4931) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink." http://tfl.nu/8gq0
  Replies (24) Good night (3248) Bad night (5805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence http://tfl.nu/drkc
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony.. http://tfl.nu/riwy
  Replies (5) Good night (4106) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock http://tfl.nu/9mlf
  Replies (9) Good night (6087) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9436) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): No flamethrowers. That is a direct order. http://tfl.nu/o0tj
  Replies (7) Good night (2986) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk! http://tfl.nu/py4j
  Replies (6) Good night (3252) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well. http://tfl.nu/s9im
  Replies (5) Good night (2594) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers. http://tfl.nu/qfx8
  Replies (25) Good night (4353) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (4911) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/bv2v
  Replies (10) Good night (4094) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0
  Replies (12) Good night (2983) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year. http://tfl.nu/isyi
  Replies (4) Good night (2772) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6081) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (23487) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
  Replies (9) Good night (4836) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5613) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie http://tfl.nu/vbyw
  Replies (36) Good night (5844) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6092) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible. http://tfl.nu/f1y0
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no
  Replies (25) Good night (11237) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9295) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage http://tfl.nu/ot1n
  Replies (4) Good night (3918) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (4823) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3616) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How come twittering sounds sexual?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of Bambi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): How come twittering sounds sexual? (267): Because of Bambi. http://tfl.nu/cgx2
  Replies (7) Good night (1080) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (821) Bad night (4533)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (4649) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. http://tfl.nu/26l9
  Replies (23) Good night (6767) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1089) Bad night (3882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
  Replies (17) Good night (786) Bad night (2006)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7406) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10045) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud. http://tfl.nu/cvat
  Replies (15) Good night (5489) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd
  Replies (43) Good night (4965) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (6976) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left. http://tfl.nu/dy5w
  Replies (6) Good night (558) Bad night (3632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5704) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (5709) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30017) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you? http://tfl.nu/5voi
  Replies (13) Good night (5089) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess... http://tfl.nu/v82v
  Replies (10) Good night (918) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13098) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch http://tfl.nu/4wbs
  Replies (4) Good night (4987) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining http://tfl.nu/lz11
  Replies (24) Good night (5104) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut
  Replies (29) Good night (631) Bad night (2282)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question. http://tfl.nu/ra0q
  Replies (17) Good night (5945) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4354) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song? http://tfl.nu/zr38
  Replies (24) Good night (3003) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already. http://tfl.nu/j86y
  Replies (9) Good night (6942) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (5927) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7462) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings! http://tfl.nu/x9r9
  Replies (54) Good night (4364) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self http://tfl.nu/v0ky
  Replies (24) Good night (4164) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/h0jn
  Replies (15) Good night (5548) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.

  (315): View more from New York

  You would pick up a guy in AA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me. (315): You would pick up a guy in AA. http://tfl.nu/v9fc
  Replies (12) Good night (3483) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham. http://tfl.nu/ri7m
  Replies (15) Good night (2404) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator. http://tfl.nu/tdtw
  Replies (18) Good night (4372) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8
  Replies (19) Good night (10133) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on http://tfl.nu/1yum
  Replies (9) Good night (387) Bad night (3239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  This girl is more easily done than said...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): This girl is more easily done than said... http://tfl.nu/38ha
  Replies (5) Good night (2966) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (6842) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle" http://tfl.nu/m65a
  Replies (17) Good night (6781) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe. http://tfl.nu/c8em
  Replies (14) Good night (5519) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
  Replies (10) Good night (4238) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never. http://tfl.nu/0ie8
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing. http://tfl.nu/8x8y
  Replies (35) Good night (4404) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes http://tfl.nu/lrst
  Replies (1) Good night (1514) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4363) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours. http://tfl.nu/gzj7
  Replies (5) Good night (4783) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9267) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6241) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself. http://tfl.nu/x6rs
  Replies (18) Good night (5184) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have a food baby... i think its a boy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i have a food baby... i think its a boy... http://tfl.nu/2cf1
  Replies (20) Good night (1135) Bad night (3791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6987) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was drunk but it's true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that." (817): I was drunk but it's true http://tfl.nu/5hb1
  Replies (10) Good night (3663) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis. http://tfl.nu/xpx8
  Replies (9) Good night (1303) Bad night (4373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo. (724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling http://tfl.nu/z57r
  Replies (23) Good night (1696) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9
  Replies (37) Good night (7689) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/b757
  Replies (22) Good night (4921) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something http://tfl.nu/mg8h
  Replies (35) Good night (5372) Bad night (1537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (39) Good night (8418) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1751) Bad night (7978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays. http://tfl.nu/21z4
  Replies (13) Good night (4104) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10405) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song. http://tfl.nu/556m
  Replies (16) Good night (3888) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine http://tfl.nu/t8mm
  Replies (21) Good night (3247) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up http://tfl.nu/w3uw
  Replies (27) Good night (5681) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15076) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend? http://tfl.nu/fd94
  Replies (8) Good night (5367) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know http://tfl.nu/1cmn
  Replies (20) Good night (4764) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/eygf
  Replies (5) Good night (3102) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4450) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If i need to get strippers involved i will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): If i need to get strippers involved i will. http://tfl.nu/3tx8
  Replies (17) Good night (3061) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5285) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting. http://tfl.nu/pz3u
  Replies (27) Good night (8464) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind http://tfl.nu/hlcm
  Replies (23) Good night (3813) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer. http://tfl.nu/l87h
  Replies (10) Good night (7795) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13338) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5
  Replies (9) Good night (1424) Bad night (2772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8713) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12274) Bad night (4888)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg
  Replies (27) Good night (4155) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline http://tfl.nu/p67r
  Replies (6) Good night (5167) Bad night (1712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19391) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes (1-407): i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/3nr6
  Replies (21) Good night (3760) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism. http://tfl.nu/fmul
  Replies (15) Good night (5445) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (7892) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7574) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/oyks
  Replies (16) Good night (2989) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day http://tfl.nu/hrk3
  Replies (7) Good night (9481) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow. http://tfl.nu/kcye
  Replies (8) Good night (3541) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (10955) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran
  Replies (13) Good night (1849) Bad night (2915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7177) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word. http://tfl.nu/3o13
  Replies (17) Good night (4619) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (11) Good night (4739) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6553) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10 http://tfl.nu/1xln
  Replies (13) Good night (6584) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this. http://tfl.nu/ipvr
  Replies (8) Good night (2921) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7000) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8406) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note. http://tfl.nu/7aam
  Replies (9) Good night (4421) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13526) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (10886) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer. http://tfl.nu/k59r
  Replies (6) Good night (3529) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day. http://tfl.nu/0otc
  Replies (20) Good night (689) Bad night (6342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (19) Good night (8861) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9786) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9461) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2031) Bad night (4324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9139) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them http://tfl.nu/fxji
  Replies (37) Good night (572) Bad night (3542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Let's get naked and see who's stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Let's get naked and see who's stronger. http://tfl.nu/4286
  Replies (8) Good night (1447) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55266) Bad night (6440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that. http://tfl.nu/r17f
  Replies (41) Good night (657) Bad night (4142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie http://tfl.nu/225r
  Replies (39) Good night (7087) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9058) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10313) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23013) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice http://tfl.nu/dh5p
  Replies (94) Good night (8576) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6104) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex http://tfl.nu/t943
  Replies (4) Good night (2536) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k
  Replies (30) Good night (6195) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/qrpo
  Replies (11) Good night (4290) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7244) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9501) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (39) Good night (10146) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (21) Good night (5169) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world" http://tfl.nu/15ms
  Replies (13) Good night (6309) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8576) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (10) Good night (4317) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch? http://tfl.nu/v0c3
  Replies (17) Good night (4206) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6549) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like. http://tfl.nu/uplz
  Replies (5) Good night (3255) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (8815) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability. http://tfl.nu/ef1b
  Replies (15) Good night (1633) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8780) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6027) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated. http://tfl.nu/8q5f
  Replies (10) Good night (2765) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14167) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12103) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (5672) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her http://tfl.nu/d3n8
  Replies (32) Good night (3812) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6312) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (90) Good night (23618) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us. http://tfl.nu/tnpc
  Replies (26) Good night (7737) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Every day of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer? (1-513): Every day of my life. http://tfl.nu/2brt
  Replies (12) Good night (4300) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
  Replies (32) Good night (5783) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5744) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5351) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12439) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62
  Replies (16) Good night (4286) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (6728) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8477) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13432) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us.. http://tfl.nu/3ryz
  Replies (11) Good night (4502) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7478) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10970) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible. http://tfl.nu/qdhh
  Replies (9) Good night (447) Bad night (3290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day http://tfl.nu/4uqd
  Replies (11) Good night (1774) Bad night (4363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you http://tfl.nu/nk9c
  Replies (16) Good night (618) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6523) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Come on the kid is gayer than me

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Come on the kid is gayer than me (757): Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt http://tfl.nu/ov34
  Replies (11) Good night (2953) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Duck Duck Cougar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Duck Duck Cougar? http://tfl.nu/gtca
  Replies (2) Good night (2444) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules http://tfl.nu/muds
  Replies (2) Good night (1095) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165012) Bad night (6009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt. http://tfl.nu/yvoh
  Replies (9) Good night (1529) Bad night (3994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7487) Bad night (1567)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today. http://tfl.nu/8lzo
  Replies (4) Good night (2715) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (12659) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11428) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5544) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (12) Good night (5883) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency http://tfl.nu/st67
  Replies (20) Good night (3487) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I thought Christmas was going to come before I did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I thought Christmas was going to come before I did http://tfl.nu/cili
  Replies (10) Good night (797) Bad night (6719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (10561) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8303) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6950) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7156) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (663) Bad night (4398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  ..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): ..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels. (1-828): nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz http://tfl.nu/wr90
  Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts http://tfl.nu/ju9y
  Replies (28) Good night (5006) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan http://tfl.nu/uipi
  Replies (16) Good night (5335) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7 http://tfl.nu/6n0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3353) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies. http://tfl.nu/dozm
  Replies (10) Good night (4825) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/u1gt
  Replies (29) Good night (902) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on. http://tfl.nu/22pm
  Replies (5) Good night (3586) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would http://tfl.nu/rekg
  Replies (11) Good night (2673) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6332) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6556) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up http://tfl.nu/zf6y
  Replies (27) Good night (763) Bad night (4398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (12) Good night (6115) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go (860): Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head http://tfl.nu/c9x5
  Replies (41) Good night (4493) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (66) Good night (8018) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8249) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/jjfn
  Replies (13) Good night (4488) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada. http://tfl.nu/cunl
  Replies (200) Good night (7622) Bad night (2277)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
  Replies (35) Good night (3939) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17035) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6450) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis http://tfl.nu/uywx
  Replies (19) Good night (4255) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day http://tfl.nu/vsgx
  Replies (4) Good night (3337) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender. http://tfl.nu/1lfm
  Replies (8) Good night (6026) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6107) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (9697) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n
  Replies (15) Good night (4274) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men. http://tfl.nu/u1rr
  Replies (28) Good night (2999) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays" http://tfl.nu/5s21
  Replies (38) Good night (3330) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42169) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (943): View more from

  You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (943): You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka http://tfl.nu/wlgo
  Replies (10) Good night (5153) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task. http://tfl.nu/hv7g
  Replies (30) Good night (5780) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6991) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2
  Replies (16) Good night (4605) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11776) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7220) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday. http://tfl.nu/ogx9
  Replies (6) Good night (2755) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down.. http://tfl.nu/yoii
  Replies (15) Good night (1098) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex. http://tfl.nu/ugby
  Replies (20) Good night (5747) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts. http://tfl.nu/g67r
  Replies (16) Good night (6038) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7547) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (7824) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  lets start a swedish sibling band together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): lets start a swedish sibling band together http://tfl.nu/bq14
  Replies (21) Good night (2990) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language. http://tfl.nu/immq
  Replies (11) Good night (1214) Bad night (3441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. http://tfl.nu/7g2d
  Replies (35) Good night (1719) Bad night (3406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  What will that accomplish?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. (480): What will that accomplish? (602): It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. http://tfl.nu/n4ns
  Replies (23) Good night (7689) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (92) Good night (10607) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them. http://tfl.nu/ag5t
  Replies (23) Good night (3960) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7822) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER. http://tfl.nu/2j9f
  Replies (3) Good night (1890) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My Higher Power is John Stamos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My Higher Power is John Stamos http://tfl.nu/1c78
  Replies (11) Good night (1917) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (9855) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6318) Bad night (2122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"? http://tfl.nu/w79j
  Replies (148) Good night (5786) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Da na na, na na naa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background (202): Da na na, na na naa http://tfl.nu/9l4t
  Replies (35) Good night (3440) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6
  Replies (111) Good night (9546) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Good luck with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me. (260): Good luck with that. http://tfl.nu/2zv5
  Replies (31) Good night (903) Bad night (2709)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
  Replies (41) Good night (5516) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well http://tfl.nu/bwmv
  Replies (42) Good night (746) Bad night (6106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating http://tfl.nu/axfv
  Replies (24) Good night (8529) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (13395) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___ http://tfl.nu/djlq
  Replies (4) Good night (345) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me http://tfl.nu/rubg
  Replies (50) Good night (658) Bad night (3320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (5950) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me http://tfl.nu/vizy
  Replies (38) Good night (5765) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr
  Replies (35) Good night (7142) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96025) Bad night (4995)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4131) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10
  Replies (23) Good night (4594) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (10526) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4135) Bad night (8406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9348) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck. http://tfl.nu/e2r4
  Replies (11) Good night (573) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves? (516): one can only hope. http://tfl.nu/2jko
  Replies (33) Good night (5097) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it http://tfl.nu/8zt4
  Replies (15) Good night (7416) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (61) Good night (18528) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7344) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (7991) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3334) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4330) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): hes a good boy he deserves a good blow http://tfl.nu/pix3
  Replies (92) Good night (7472) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (2951) Bad night (3940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6967) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (5941) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69076) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one. http://tfl.nu/00mh
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (1370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4241) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him http://tfl.nu/fwf2
  Replies (5) Good night (2908) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (36) Good night (4737) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (22246) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4627) Bad night (5951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Princesses don't give blow jobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Princesses don't give blow jobs http://tfl.nu/euq0
  Replies (69) Good night (2106) Bad night (4806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  What's he like?

  (954): View more from Florida

  The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): What's he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/zcji
  Replies (29) Good night (6984) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight. http://tfl.nu/hryw
  Replies (11) Good night (2160) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!! http://tfl.nu/t5uq
  Replies (80) Good night (6807) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee... http://tfl.nu/v0er
  Replies (63) Good night (5302) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to." http://tfl.nu/qnhd
  Replies (16) Good night (1560) Bad night (5248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8494) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing http://tfl.nu/bqtp
  Replies (7) Good night (1203) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  am i morally bankrupt?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  no. its just the recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession http://tfl.nu/r26w
  Replies (5) Good night (2401) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8407) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING http://tfl.nu/vg2h
  Replies (18) Good night (5624) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend. http://tfl.nu/x4zz
  Replies (14) Good night (6108) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said. http://tfl.nu/hb96
  Replies (58) Good night (6557) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned. http://tfl.nu/z1gu
  Replies (8) Good night (4614) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7918) Bad night (1991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2190) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse. http://tfl.nu/gxwi
  Replies (14) Good night (4034) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him. http://tfl.nu/3ewm
  Replies (20) Good night (2542) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (7593) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm
  Replies (17) Good night (5864) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/v1t4
  Replies (40) Good night (5040) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday... (1-702): ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha http://tfl.nu/3d74
  Replies (19) Good night (2374) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game? http://tfl.nu/evbk
  Replies (317) Good night (6880) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  obviously you're part succubus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf? (201): obviously you're part succubus. http://tfl.nu/sqeb
  Replies (8) Good night (2124) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island http://tfl.nu/2xq2
  Replies (5) Good night (3205) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me. (706): Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest. http://tfl.nu/zfpy
  Replies (75) Good night (1918) Bad night (3714)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg
  Replies (23) Good night (667) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? http://tfl.nu/yufj
  Replies (23) Good night (2048) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7551) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8
  Replies (21) Good night (5307) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  singing on the bus should be illegal

  (607): View more from New York

  huh?

  (727): View more from Florida

  There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): singing on the bus should be illegal (607): huh? (727): There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down http://tfl.nu/vlmd
  Replies (58) Good night (774) Bad night (3888)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can't motorboat a personality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You can't motorboat a personality http://tfl.nu/gveo
  Replies (18) Good night (1058) Bad night (2004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house. (1-847): that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect. http://tfl.nu/7r4g
  Replies (25) Good night (7541) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5587) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
  Replies (29) Good night (3340) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8286) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt