Texts From Last Night · mike31149's Favorites

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mike31149's Favorites Texts:

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(586): View more from Michigan

Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

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(586): View more from Michigan

plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you

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(586): View more from Michigan

is your mom at the bar?

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(303): View more from Colorado

All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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(309): View more from Illinois

Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

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