professional's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I love how my cats smell like pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I love how my cats smell like pot. http://tfl.nu/85ca
  Replies (12) Good night (4427) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (867): lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it http://tfl.nu/o5td
  Replies (9) Good night (1603) Bad night (4088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high. http://tfl.nu/trcx
  Replies (20) Good night (3197) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
  Replies (17) Good night (5219) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/9d1q
  Replies (25) Good night (1731) Bad night (5402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest http://tfl.nu/b35x
  Replies (20) Good night (5253) Bad night (1877)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6870) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far" http://tfl.nu/dqcq
  Replies (14) Good night (2316) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college? http://tfl.nu/03bi
  Replies (13) Good night (4487) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing. http://tfl.nu/vk7w
  Replies (6) Good night (4323) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin! http://tfl.nu/ygvu
  Replies (18) Good night (5441) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine http://tfl.nu/d6oy
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (1966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/h0jn
  Replies (15) Good night (5769) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge. http://tfl.nu/14lm
  Replies (6) Good night (2789) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10444) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6
  Replies (13) Good night (4914) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do. http://tfl.nu/0tan
  Replies (18) Good night (5912) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already http://tfl.nu/5kxb
  Replies (8) Good night (2800) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome. http://tfl.nu/5az6
  Replies (5) Good night (5078) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm
  Replies (4) Good night (4529) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/l51l
  Replies (3) Good night (5645) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.' http://tfl.nu/dm32
  Replies (17) Good night (2036) Bad night (3713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian. http://tfl.nu/4ul9
  Replies (11) Good night (4199) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5146) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10842) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text http://tfl.nu/7lw4
  Replies (5) Good night (4698) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting. http://tfl.nu/wbx1
  Replies (12) Good night (3736) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?

  (818): View more from California

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night? (818): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/ps95
  Replies (9) Good night (4934) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning http://tfl.nu/qcnv
  Replies (9) Good night (3332) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far

  (713): View more from Texas

  Sounds better than last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far (713): Sounds better than last semester http://tfl.nu/9h5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1473) Bad night (4465)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13221) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v
  Replies (14) Good night (1555) Bad night (4340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level http://tfl.nu/l6je
  Replies (14) Good night (3615) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there. http://tfl.nu/1v1m
  Replies (4) Good night (3213) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  That's why there are breakfast margaritas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): That's why there are breakfast margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dzi9
  Replies (3) Good night (3140) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m
  Replies (11) Good night (6170) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either. http://tfl.nu/j4vn
  Replies (5) Good night (3655) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (9901) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3305) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (5042) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume... http://tfl.nu/x6iy
  Replies (5) Good night (4396) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (5926) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT. http://tfl.nu/yg6n
  Replies (32) Good night (4688) Bad night (1964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6578) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/wa4w
  Replies (6) Good night (4650) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back http://tfl.nu/tdhe
  Replies (12) Good night (810) Bad night (4432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in http://tfl.nu/d9qi
  Replies (8) Good night (3886) Bad night (1761)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (16) Good night (6264) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral. http://tfl.nu/35ny
  Replies (7) Good night (1420) Bad night (3859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week. http://tfl.nu/ckos
  Replies (8) Good night (3321) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM. http://tfl.nu/5j68
  Replies (19) Good night (4825) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11115) Bad night (2398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious. http://tfl.nu/hyyw
  Replies (26) Good night (3924) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success. http://tfl.nu/ji3r
  Replies (10) Good night (1797) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes." http://tfl.nu/8fia
  Replies (15) Good night (1036) Bad night (5268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in. http://tfl.nu/2att
  Replies (6) Good night (3569) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear http://tfl.nu/30cm
  Replies (14) Good night (1729) Bad night (3830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit http://tfl.nu/ybzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3564) Bad night (1746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke. http://tfl.nu/1rx3
  Replies (8) Good night (6809) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/vrde
  Replies (4) Good night (2923) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well http://tfl.nu/2njp
  Replies (9) Good night (3567) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy http://tfl.nu/r472
  Replies (11) Good night (4363) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
  Replies (20) Good night (2332) Bad night (4334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3668) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Found your pants in the mailbox

  (646): View more from New York

  What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know but there's postage on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8
  Replies (36) Good night (5888) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them. http://tfl.nu/lphx
  Replies (12) Good night (3470) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5063) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there http://tfl.nu/4j17
  Replies (7) Good night (3481) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight? http://tfl.nu/7h08
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (3662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h
  Replies (4) Good night (3383) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college. http://tfl.nu/9le9
  Replies (14) Good night (6706) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario. http://tfl.nu/e7rb
  Replies (2) Good night (1555) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so basically your not goin out tonight?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  who said that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow (410): so basically your not goin out tonight? (301): who said that? http://tfl.nu/qimw
  Replies (13) Good night (5266) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (3960) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1849) Bad night (3067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz
  Replies (12) Good night (3083) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6458) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together. http://tfl.nu/gv0c
  Replies (7) Good night (6352) Bad night (1490)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5547) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (5883) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am? http://tfl.nu/mmwh
  Replies (6) Good night (3525) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again http://tfl.nu/v9b0
  Replies (5) Good night (1700) Bad night (3060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8446) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (22) Good night (5395) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way http://tfl.nu/p3hb
  Replies (19) Good night (664) Bad night (6491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta
  Replies (18) Good night (6987) Bad night (2060)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet http://tfl.nu/ftvp
  Replies (7) Good night (4497) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (1051) Bad night (6203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security. http://tfl.nu/k9qf
  Replies (9) Good night (938) Bad night (3209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat http://tfl.nu/d5wq
  Replies (11) Good night (2844) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (5097) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7
  Replies (27) Good night (3544) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6
  Replies (23) Good night (7709) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7542) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (8183) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0
  Replies (20) Good night (7763) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7673) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8713) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse http://tfl.nu/d3ev
  Replies (20) Good night (8430) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9606) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi
  Replies (36) Good night (9338) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (12) Good night (9741) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her http://tfl.nu/8ahn
  Replies (19) Good night (10964) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (11896) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13072) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12698) Bad night (2189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (31) Good night (14770) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20557) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6303) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (9164) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (79) Good night (15462) Bad night (2697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56950) Bad night (4713)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65564) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62331) Bad night (4293)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90339) Bad night (3902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142366) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2474) Bad night (35378)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (120) Good night (4328) Bad night (35665)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6831) Bad night (40851)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7775) Bad night (48376)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7314) Bad night (55295)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7550) Bad night (72233)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6929) Bad night (69273)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6406) Bad night (79815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here. http://tfl.nu/fq3k
  Replies (5) Good night (1090) Bad night (3394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables http://tfl.nu/82j1
  Replies (3) Good night (850) Bad night (2346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life. http://tfl.nu/33lt
  Replies (8) Good night (2601) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8957) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  2.5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement? (1-740): 2.5 http://tfl.nu/yjjp
  Replies (7) Good night (4313) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later http://tfl.nu/ptu9
  Replies (9) Good night (2693) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that? http://tfl.nu/8vi3
  Replies (6) Good night (2831) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv
  Replies (15) Good night (2386) Bad night (4155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now http://tfl.nu/plpv
  Replies (27) Good night (5076) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride. http://tfl.nu/0b9w
  Replies (6) Good night (3834) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping. http://tfl.nu/l6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (4479) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/8nek
  Replies (11) Good night (2374) Bad night (1596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going. http://tfl.nu/mf3d
  Replies (8) Good night (3531) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is why we're friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator. (1-780): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/yp3s
  Replies (7) Good night (4375) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ln09
  Replies (8) Good night (3009) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad. http://tfl.nu/wyhj
  Replies (9) Good night (5736) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (18) Good night (6232) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go. http://tfl.nu/z9ow
  Replies (10) Good night (3452) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/216j
  Replies (4) Good night (2908) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq
  Replies (24) Good night (5108) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  "people in the room" being me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine. (336): "people in the room" being me. http://tfl.nu/hpsj
  Replies (12) Good night (5434) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this. http://tfl.nu/kn9g
  Replies (23) Good night (995) Bad night (4082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed.. http://tfl.nu/gekz
  Replies (34) Good night (5525) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5681) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome http://tfl.nu/01jd
  Replies (36) Good night (9624) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number. http://tfl.nu/71o2
  Replies (28) Good night (1524) Bad night (4576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (6088) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember what your face looks like..

  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't remember your face either, just your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't remember what your face looks like.. (727): I don't remember your face either, just your dick. http://tfl.nu/odit
  Replies (19) Good night (6258) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Thursdays are my worst days

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Thursdays are my worst days (1-416): but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay? http://tfl.nu/vmle
  Replies (49) Good night (4697) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed. http://tfl.nu/zn1y
  Replies (31) Good night (1017) Bad night (9549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now http://tfl.nu/6uxz
  Replies (21) Good night (4897) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop http://tfl.nu/vzd0
  Replies (78) Good night (4526) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
  Replies (22) Good night (8767) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny http://tfl.nu/icdv
  Replies (41) Good night (862) Bad night (4051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary. http://tfl.nu/8dm9
  Replies (44) Good night (5305) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  ...this stays between you and me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear (401): ...this stays between you and me http://tfl.nu/qjou
  Replies (6) Good night (935) Bad night (2046)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3
  Replies (8) Good night (4712) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn
  Replies (9) Good night (6885) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (4880) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile. http://tfl.nu/zkhz
  Replies (30) Good night (692) Bad night (3138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/26i6
  Replies (39) Good night (3769) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?" http://tfl.nu/89sw
  Replies (9) Good night (769) Bad night (3452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (4996) Bad night (9467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7803) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy http://tfl.nu/s01j
  Replies (11) Good night (3925) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore. http://tfl.nu/34d1
  Replies (12) Good night (3716) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention http://tfl.nu/4fnt
  Replies (26) Good night (6075) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it http://tfl.nu/osby
  Replies (37) Good night (2126) Bad night (4988)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (9264) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
  Replies (26) Good night (3999) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting. http://tfl.nu/w8rn
  Replies (9) Good night (1192) Bad night (6822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool. http://tfl.nu/hylh
  Replies (4) Good night (3802) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6959) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills http://tfl.nu/tv9l
  Replies (6) Good night (4059) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  It's okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay? (1-906): It's okay. http://tfl.nu/i6me
  Replies (9) Good night (1162) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So many bounce houses so little time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So many bounce houses so little time http://tfl.nu/tcx2
  Replies (6) Good night (3457) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position" http://tfl.nu/0g0v
  Replies (8) Good night (4294) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm. http://tfl.nu/ttig
  Replies (6) Good night (788) Bad night (3262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face http://tfl.nu/wyrl
  Replies (6) Good night (4960) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6540) Bad night (1526)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/r53x
  Replies (5) Good night (3547) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (7170) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre
  Replies (62) Good night (1476) Bad night (6075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what?how do you know?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday.. (1-318): what?how do you know? (318): it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet. http://tfl.nu/gg1h
  Replies (10) Good night (1189) Bad night (4551)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5551) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  So i had sex for a couple seconds last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): So i had sex for a couple seconds last night http://tfl.nu/eni0
  Replies (20) Good night (480) Bad night (2231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again http://tfl.nu/dnym
  Replies (6) Good night (911) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy
  Replies (11) Good night (5016) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes http://tfl.nu/v9u0
  Replies (13) Good night (6030) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/8ixd
  Replies (9) Good night (3989) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5743) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first. http://tfl.nu/lqfv
  Replies (5) Good night (3072) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag. http://tfl.nu/8spr
  Replies (6) Good night (1094) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2190) Bad night (4490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen http://tfl.nu/pyhr
  Replies (59) Good night (6442) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43997) Bad night (2016)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool. (224): it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you. http://tfl.nu/qam8
  Replies (24) Good night (604) Bad night (3502)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1173) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles. http://tfl.nu/0i26
  Replies (13) Good night (3796) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
  Replies (3) Good night (3181) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h
  Replies (8) Good night (4341) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/v346
  Replies (2) Good night (2428) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight. http://tfl.nu/rdc4
  Replies (6) Good night (4698) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on http://tfl.nu/a8g3
  Replies (9) Good night (3166) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero. http://tfl.nu/6a8a
  Replies (10) Good night (3379) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/k2hw
  Replies (27) Good night (1468) Bad night (3117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7925) Bad night (1722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside http://tfl.nu/qiju
  Replies (4) Good night (3111) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6819) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden http://tfl.nu/xsqd
  Replies (14) Good night (5654) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5140) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
  Replies (16) Good night (5598) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5381) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6336) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5732) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY http://tfl.nu/b20j
  Replies (14) Good night (6680) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (16) Good night (6310) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
  Replies (15) Good night (1075) Bad night (4687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
  Replies (94) Good night (8680) Bad night (1971)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says. http://tfl.nu/scvs
  Replies (54) Good night (4236) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  That's when you crack a 10am beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): That's when you crack a 10am beer http://tfl.nu/ppt1
  Replies (12) Good night (2551) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number... http://tfl.nu/xqo8
  Replies (22) Good night (2920) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Fine. I'll sleep in my office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Fine. I'll sleep in my office http://tfl.nu/uxdr
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up http://tfl.nu/ti5i
  Replies (20) Good night (2155) Bad night (4386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  whose oscar?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone (1-203): whose oscar? (203): the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month. http://tfl.nu/bpyh
  Replies (29) Good night (8724) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him http://tfl.nu/mt9f
  Replies (24) Good night (1270) Bad night (3080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle. http://tfl.nu/1g9t
  Replies (4) Good night (829) Bad night (3617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99

  (415): View more from California

  Recession joke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99 (415): Recession joke. http://tfl.nu/0g53
  Replies (10) Good night (2957) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you tipped EVERY employee at white castle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you tipped EVERY employee at white castle http://tfl.nu/d5zv
  Replies (15) Good night (6183) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4922) Bad night (2100)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? http://tfl.nu/hd1u
  Replies (56) Good night (6826) Bad night (1940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9
  Replies (37) Good night (7935) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3493) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced http://tfl.nu/2xlb
  Replies (35) Good night (705) Bad night (3066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

  (323): View more from California

  How mad was your dog?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night (323): How mad was your dog? http://tfl.nu/x6ig
  Replies (12) Good night (4103) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1268) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles. http://tfl.nu/v155
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (61) Good night (14431) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): : am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too? http://tfl.nu/kg01
  Replies (36) Good night (5023) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  no. you can't hotbox the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): no. you can't hotbox the world. http://tfl.nu/5as3
  Replies (54) Good night (5230) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive http://tfl.nu/u0dx
  Replies (55) Good night (4390) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  You really coming over, don't trick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): You really coming over, don't trick. http://tfl.nu/futk
  Replies (2) Good night (884) Bad night (1485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1230) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (8115) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool. http://tfl.nu/5y98
  Replies (13) Good night (1954) Bad night (3749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys http://tfl.nu/ak8d
  Replies (17) Good night (5803) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins. http://tfl.nu/y67p
  Replies (41) Good night (4909) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/xdfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4687) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy http://tfl.nu/eb50
  Replies (10) Good night (3556) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence. http://tfl.nu/c80w
  Replies (52) Good night (3991) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure. http://tfl.nu/i2sm
  Replies (33) Good night (6611) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors. http://tfl.nu/wmwt
  Replies (34) Good night (1249) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso
  Replies (34) Good night (4411) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless? http://tfl.nu/2m3m
  Replies (10) Good night (5038) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9352) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr
  Replies (5) Good night (789) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (14) Good night (6194) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Barney's a jerk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments. (617): Barney's a jerk http://tfl.nu/dlz7
  Replies (16) Good night (4671) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it http://tfl.nu/eab6
  Replies (37) Good night (593) Bad night (3794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (8132) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit". http://tfl.nu/lyvs
  Replies (19) Good night (6872) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh

  (513): View more from Ohio

  is this your pickup line?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh (513): is this your pickup line? http://tfl.nu/r4ba
  Replies (20) Good night (741) Bad night (5275)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude. Creed is coming in september.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  We're no longer friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/0z8r
  Replies (43) Good night (1224) Bad night (4048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8292) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/6dkx
  Replies (6) Good night (3420) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (14893) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8
  Replies (17) Good night (1996) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5519) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (33) Good night (14240) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors.... http://tfl.nu/43xp
  Replies (4) Good night (3391) Bad night (1781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast. http://tfl.nu/ngbn
  Replies (10) Good night (4703) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11597) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (5193) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31341) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31533) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37223) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (31817) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (91) Good night (30884) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (36743) Bad night (1655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38607) Bad night (1482)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (33607) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (216) Good night (33672) Bad night (2247)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38178) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40220) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (82) Good night (39648) Bad night (1961)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (74) Good night (40262) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (40898) Bad night (2633)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38383) Bad night (1667) Order T-Shirt