Texts From Last Night

xenababy's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (8414) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5845) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68
  Replies (12) Good night (6235) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7780) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10447) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils http://tfl.nu/glcj
  Replies (8) Good night (964) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (82) Good night (11058) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (8231) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14649) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25450) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (42) Good night (8173) Bad night (1747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (969) Bad night (4527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  dude its may

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Work with me here, man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word (803): dude its may (843): Work with me here, man. http://tfl.nu/2m3l
  Replies (6) Good night (3960) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool. http://tfl.nu/mdau
  Replies (13) Good night (4342) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
  Replies (8) Good night (4556) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7394) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (8220) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10069) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (1987) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

  (818): View more from California

  god is laughing at you again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot (818): god is laughing at you again http://tfl.nu/4fg3
  Replies (20) Good night (4932) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over. http://tfl.nu/42jf
  Replies (22) Good night (1177) Bad night (4208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right http://tfl.nu/mx4p
  Replies (18) Good night (1482) Bad night (3866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5766) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts. http://tfl.nu/t2zp
  Replies (32) Good night (727) Bad night (7838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8765) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon. http://tfl.nu/vb88
  Replies (13) Good night (5028) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water http://tfl.nu/2dzm
  Replies (11) Good night (2317) Bad night (3084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (4050) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7800) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
  Replies (8) Good night (3458) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5322) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus. http://tfl.nu/10to
  Replies (16) Good night (5371) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4544) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style. http://tfl.nu/z5di
  Replies (11) Good night (3444) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8358) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1649) Bad night (5003)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5292) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (6246) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  succeeding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives? (910): succeeding http://tfl.nu/avwv
  Replies (10) Good night (5067) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7059) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7888) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2831) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER. http://tfl.nu/dexf
  Replies (42) Good night (1185) Bad night (5084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (6071) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm
  Replies (18) Good night (6119) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you' http://tfl.nu/ael6
  Replies (25) Good night (2604) Bad night (5477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4559) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him http://tfl.nu/2mpu
  Replies (15) Good night (3362) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su
  Replies (17) Good night (8319) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0
  Replies (39) Good night (954) Bad night (11083)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night http://tfl.nu/y9ju
  Replies (23) Good night (6582) Bad night (1770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5747) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Or a large amount of condoms?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation. (1-612): Or a large amount of condoms?!? http://tfl.nu/muu8
  Replies (12) Good night (6270) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7uwm
  Replies (14) Good night (6596) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7841) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9947) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15573) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6572) Bad night (2007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (63) Good night (20370) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6319) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3719) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers. http://tfl.nu/lnvf
  Replies (22) Good night (5718) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1184) Bad night (8496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared. http://tfl.nu/7yxr
  Replies (13) Good night (5519) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/xcpk
  Replies (46) Good night (1081) Bad night (9544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4896) Bad night (3140)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
  Replies (48) Good night (1916) Bad night (8545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (53) Good night (10537) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush. http://tfl.nu/l70n
  Replies (16) Good night (6723) Bad night (2214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high. http://tfl.nu/0v2t
  Replies (35) Good night (6571) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion. http://tfl.nu/bsvq
  Replies (15) Good night (5251) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis". http://tfl.nu/fly1
  Replies (39) Good night (7751) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (13256) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6714) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i
  Replies (16) Good night (1176) Bad night (5055)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6921) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers http://tfl.nu/65ag
  Replies (8) Good night (4598) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (5026) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (20) Good night (2480) Bad night (4972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17803) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1575) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw
  Replies (81) Good night (963) Bad night (5715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room http://tfl.nu/zqg2
  Replies (23) Good night (4706) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1225) Bad night (4685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon" http://tfl.nu/hj7f
  Replies (25) Good night (958) Bad night (5414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1-415): View more from California

  What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

  (415): View more from California

  Irish Spring?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey? (415): Irish Spring? http://tfl.nu/ebnx
  Replies (20) Good night (4199) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock" http://tfl.nu/i9yu
  Replies (28) Good night (2620) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  These are the tickets we got last night.

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Yes...yes you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): What are these yellow papers in the kitchen? (1-361): These are the tickets we got last night. (361): Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear? (1-361): Yes...yes you did. http://tfl.nu/myva
  Replies (25) Good night (4170) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5832) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27838) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once http://tfl.nu/7d16
  Replies (14) Good night (4114) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6433) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21449) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/c6uc
  Replies (17) Good night (1382) Bad night (4399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk http://tfl.nu/bu5o
  Replies (18) Good night (932) Bad night (4559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7852) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10538) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me http://tfl.nu/rbbn
  Replies (21) Good night (776) Bad night (4948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6581) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
  Replies (15) Good night (5930) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (7015) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6655) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7393) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people." http://tfl.nu/j747
  Replies (13) Good night (1793) Bad night (4600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00
  Replies (35) Good night (1132) Bad night (13744)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
  Replies (13) Good night (5114) Bad night (1564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (10740) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12268) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2219) Bad night (9969)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1921) Bad night (7639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149
  Replies (75) Good night (1131) Bad night (5005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.

  (1-620): View more from Kansas

  No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night. (1-620): No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man. http://tfl.nu/p24k
  Replies (9) Good night (1260) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5464) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet http://tfl.nu/ttdp
  Replies (41) Good night (5310) Bad night (1409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9829) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

  (205): View more from Alabama

  pick me up NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr
  Replies (17) Good night (1090) Bad night (4569)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that. http://tfl.nu/isuw
  Replies (31) Good night (5164) Bad night (2078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars. http://tfl.nu/iixj
  Replies (20) Good night (877) Bad night (6511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25738) Bad night (4386)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs http://tfl.nu/58d0
  Replies (15) Good night (5516) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11549) Bad night (2133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there http://tfl.nu/bxrn
  Replies (6) Good night (5032) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4792) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this. http://tfl.nu/p44k
  Replies (24) Good night (974) Bad night (4806)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (29) Good night (9146) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (71) Good night (6647) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1745) Bad night (5640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no. http://tfl.nu/n7ti
  Replies (6) Good night (5199) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this? http://tfl.nu/pvqp
  Replies (43) Good night (4621) Bad night (2166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7358) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (944) Bad night (5103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11798) Bad night (3334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7451) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (10220) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12322) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (5965) Bad night (2249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
  Replies (18) Good night (1959) Bad night (6447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2881) Bad night (7735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12870) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9118) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/2sao
  Replies (12) Good night (4396) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7250) Bad night (1892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6939) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9485) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to church this morning.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  hooker boots and all?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I did the walk of shame to church this morning. (734): hooker boots and all? (313): Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway. http://tfl.nu/9ht9
  Replies (14) Good night (7013) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (20277) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26590) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob
  Replies (14) Good night (7503) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (10244) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (10246) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila. http://tfl.nu/o38m
  Replies (36) Good night (1198) Bad night (6156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5661) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock. http://tfl.nu/8w5i
  Replies (13) Good night (1226) Bad night (6490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
  Replies (16) Good night (5278) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience http://tfl.nu/ehko
  Replies (10) Good night (1010) Bad night (4749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18937) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6340) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it. http://tfl.nu/duoc
  Replies (37) Good night (3328) Bad night (4580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
  Replies (7) Good night (5207) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other http://tfl.nu/boea
  Replies (24) Good night (5517) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it. http://tfl.nu/ce8t
  Replies (14) Good night (923) Bad night (4553)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (12) Good night (8633) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (20) Good night (7380) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj
  Replies (18) Good night (7544) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay. http://tfl.nu/5ucl
  Replies (27) Good night (1302) Bad night (4747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6190) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments. http://tfl.nu/a8pg
  Replies (8) Good night (5854) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive http://tfl.nu/n5td
  Replies (24) Good night (5011) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea? http://tfl.nu/vmb3
  Replies (19) Good night (5082) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8761) Bad night (1922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover. http://tfl.nu/tbtl
  Replies (10) Good night (5142) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9
  Replies (11) Good night (4405) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (10259) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He probs deserved it.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Every good man does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell. (260): He probs deserved it. (317): Every good man does. http://tfl.nu/4ma5
  Replies (32) Good night (5458) Bad night (1620)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh
  Replies (7) Good night (1243) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5885) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break http://tfl.nu/bh5f
  Replies (8) Good night (1178) Bad night (3863)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  fair is fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it (484): fair is fair http://tfl.nu/tm5x
  Replies (20) Good night (5989) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6359) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (7160) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6600) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z
  Replies (11) Good night (7562) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9518) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (11127) Bad night (2437)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too. http://tfl.nu/dkri
  Replies (19) Good night (6789) Bad night (1502)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10649) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated http://tfl.nu/7pju
  Replies (10) Good night (1284) Bad night (4861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1269) Bad night (7279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15103) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (21) Good night (7007) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children. http://tfl.nu/trxp
  Replies (24) Good night (7872) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1677) Bad night (4736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself. http://tfl.nu/3rwg
  Replies (6) Good night (5578) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship. http://tfl.nu/de5k
  Replies (22) Good night (6852) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me. http://tfl.nu/k5hc
  Replies (4) Good night (6394) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6415) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis" http://tfl.nu/144a
  Replies (14) Good night (2724) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1731) Bad night (5400)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
  Replies (17) Good night (4974) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/ga3r
  Replies (7) Good night (3925) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm http://tfl.nu/muws
  Replies (8) Good night (3721) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge" http://tfl.nu/439j
  Replies (20) Good night (3735) Bad night (4338)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him http://tfl.nu/2ppo
  Replies (23) Good night (5774) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live.. http://tfl.nu/uh98
  Replies (35) Good night (1596) Bad night (3088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7440) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6344) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows http://tfl.nu/02lq
  Replies (9) Good night (3850) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5107) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (16) Good night (7751) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o
  Replies (41) Good night (1101) Bad night (2734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american. http://tfl.nu/pd31
  Replies (11) Good night (3058) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2480) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/9dex
  Replies (24) Good night (4271) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1698) Bad night (4717)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before. http://tfl.nu/gqc0
  Replies (14) Good night (5897) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing. http://tfl.nu/4f2e
  Replies (9) Good night (4518) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86082) Bad night (8380)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8470) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (27) Good night (10026) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti
  Replies (42) Good night (9991) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (11344) Bad night (2896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11854) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27878) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5544) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (7253) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100327) Bad night (5712)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (409) Good night (103648) Bad night (9401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142159) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
  Replies (36) Good night (789) Bad night (2940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff http://tfl.nu/wuol
  Replies (12) Good night (3490) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72061) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather. http://tfl.nu/j9u3
  Replies (35) Good night (956) Bad night (12542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that. http://tfl.nu/vsly
  Replies (26) Good night (1087) Bad night (7819)