rsh1962's Favorites Texts:

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.

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  (859): He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it. (859): The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders. http://tfl.nu/g672
  Replies (4) Good night (482) Bad night (952)
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  (562): View more from California

  omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

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  (562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77
  Replies (291) Good night (29462) Bad night (13136) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (42338) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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  (360): I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise. http://tfl.nu/2iu1
  Replies (7) Good night (1378) Bad night (190)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.

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  (+61): The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over. http://tfl.nu/0wud
  Replies (5) Good night (901) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.

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  (410): We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off. http://tfl.nu/hhrd
  Replies (26) Good night (4045) Bad night (396)
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  (310): View more from California

  Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.

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  (310): Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded. http://tfl.nu/s8id
  Replies (11) Good night (623) Bad night (1610) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains

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  (302): Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains http://tfl.nu/rusa
  Replies (6) Good night (1263) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott

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  (916): All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott http://tfl.nu/2s3b
  Replies (5) Good night (863) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off

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  (219): he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off http://tfl.nu/kmmo
  Replies (10) Good night (1083) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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  (419): Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus http://tfl.nu/mjlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1407) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

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  (330): This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs. http://tfl.nu/3hwl
  Replies (5) Good night (1824) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.

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  (610): I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with. http://tfl.nu/uzcd
  Replies (7) Good night (1220) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

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  (910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did. http://tfl.nu/2kuf
  Replies (4) Good night (2045) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track

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  (408): i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track http://tfl.nu/rp6g
  Replies (8) Good night (536) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.

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  (516): My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit. http://tfl.nu/2g7d
  Replies (9) Good night (852) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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  (814): you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you http://tfl.nu/0g1k
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

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  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (260) Good night (1929) Bad night (39988) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2234) Bad night (35657) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39400) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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  (215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e
  Replies (22) Good night (950) Bad night (2639)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

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  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1219) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.

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  (205): I can HEAR him staring at your boobs. http://tfl.nu/pry3
  Replies (5) Good night (1171) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.

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  (815): I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes. http://tfl.nu/i72f
  Replies (7) Good night (1724) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?

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  (202): Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear? http://tfl.nu/m1et
  Replies (6) Good night (445) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"

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  (305): Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now" http://tfl.nu/z261
  Replies (6) Good night (1951) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus

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  (765): I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus http://tfl.nu/x9kg
  Replies (3) Good night (1003) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.

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  (423): I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit. http://tfl.nu/5kq2
  Replies (11) Good night (1274) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?

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  (208): wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night? http://tfl.nu/7e2i
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand

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  (304): I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand http://tfl.nu/6s03
  Replies (10) Good night (686) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

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  (772): When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny. http://tfl.nu/z1it
  Replies (14) Good night (541) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

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  (215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf
  Replies (8) Good night (776) Bad night (2679) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.

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  (910): A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/fy2b
  Replies (9) Good night (834) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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  (828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs
  Replies (7) Good night (1338) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?

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  (920): there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room? http://tfl.nu/s38b
  Replies (8) Good night (438) Bad night (1103)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol

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  (321): Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol http://tfl.nu/hpqb
  Replies (11) Good night (396) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.

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  (707): Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready. http://tfl.nu/moy8
  Replies (12) Good night (1303) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

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  (908): he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward http://tfl.nu/i7kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1348) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.

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  (908): He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound. http://tfl.nu/kpce
  Replies (7) Good night (3094) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

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  (518): Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you. http://tfl.nu/bm50
  Replies (6) Good night (1833) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.

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  (785): And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week. http://tfl.nu/s5eh
  Replies (9) Good night (568) Bad night (1769)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

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  (718): Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made. http://tfl.nu/tzd1
  Replies (15) Good night (2339) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

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  (847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh
  Replies (11) Good night (1033) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.

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  (403): We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex. http://tfl.nu/5276
  Replies (9) Good night (1564) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.

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  (920): Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/js17
  Replies (6) Good night (1225) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free

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  (708): And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free http://tfl.nu/lgkw
  Replies (4) Good night (1689) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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  (630): That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits." http://tfl.nu/sgvn
  Replies (5) Good night (902) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me it was like eating gods vagina.

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  (413): he told me it was like eating gods vagina. http://tfl.nu/d5n4
  Replies (12) Good night (1260) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry

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  (715): Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry http://tfl.nu/21br
  Replies (8) Good night (596) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?

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  (989): Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night? http://tfl.nu/ukhn
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"

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  (651): I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift" http://tfl.nu/0adm
  Replies (8) Good night (2910) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.

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  (609): Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good. http://tfl.nu/lsij
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box

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  (516): Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box http://tfl.nu/dk8b
  Replies (9) Good night (500) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just feel like you're using me for sex.

  (383): View more from

  I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship

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  (401): I just feel like you're using me for sex. (383): I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship http://tfl.nu/typ8
  Replies (16) Good night (2031) Bad night (971)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.

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  (206): Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table. http://tfl.nu/tpao
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.

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  (443): Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please. (1-443): That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude. http://tfl.nu/3mvf
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?

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  (717): do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met? http://tfl.nu/fj36
  Replies (7) Good night (990) Bad night (420)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.

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  (816): Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going. http://tfl.nu/sjn0
  Replies (11) Good night (2426) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.

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  (269): I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them. http://tfl.nu/bvne
  Replies (6) Good night (1426) Bad night (398)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!

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  (352): Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!! http://tfl.nu/bmaq
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.

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  (970): there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night. http://tfl.nu/aogr
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

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  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

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  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.

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  (970): We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest. http://tfl.nu/w1i7
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.

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  (847): Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before. http://tfl.nu/p6ld
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.

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  (732): I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster. http://tfl.nu/5e26
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself

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  (406): I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself http://tfl.nu/7ngm
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.

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  (816): Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks. http://tfl.nu/88uh
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  (714): View more from California

  Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.

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  (714): Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kmrp
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?

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  (512): I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/sh8w
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".

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  (206): he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun". http://tfl.nu/e6oo
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  (947): View more from Michigan

  He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me

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  (947): He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me http://tfl.nu/9cbm
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.

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  (775): Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American. http://tfl.nu/e4rx
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE

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  (206): I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE http://tfl.nu/qqx3
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  (585): View more from New York

  He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.

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  (585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going. http://tfl.nu/c63w
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

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  (512): I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited. http://tfl.nu/hhhk
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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  (410): I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera http://tfl.nu/vxvj
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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  (515): So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night? (1-515): Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something .... http://tfl.nu/8iom
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  (951): View more from California

  I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.

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  (951): I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day. http://tfl.nu/elsi
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like

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  (227): He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like http://tfl.nu/muep
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  (347): View more from New York

  I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.

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  (347): I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong. http://tfl.nu/uiaa
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."

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  (970): I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend." http://tfl.nu/7i0l
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?

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  (541): theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch? http://tfl.nu/3hhq
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now

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  (260): She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now http://tfl.nu/3rta
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  (352): View more from Florida

  All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

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  (352): All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive." http://tfl.nu/krpq
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation

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  (484): i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation http://tfl.nu/uy0z
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rumble strips road head = magical

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  (812): Rumble strips road head = magical http://tfl.nu/39lc
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  (941): View more from Florida

  He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.

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  (941): He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud. http://tfl.nu/s98m
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself

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  (309): Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself http://tfl.nu/lvoc
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

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  (712): I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray. http://tfl.nu/8ri0
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?

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  (714): I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/9wpk
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified

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  (812): She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified http://tfl.nu/xfst
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.

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  (972): I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break. http://tfl.nu/fgur
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was THIS close.

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  (416): At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?" (416): He was THIS close. http://tfl.nu/s8nd
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night

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  (508): she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night http://tfl.nu/wuxa
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  (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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  (607): I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs http://tfl.nu/5n4l
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Boobs speak an international language.

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  (505): Boobs speak an international language. http://tfl.nu/m73t
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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  (+44): She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina. http://tfl.nu/51hz
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
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  (315): View more from New York

  I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd

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  (315): I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd http://tfl.nu/os0g
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic

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  (608): My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic http://tfl.nu/so38
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  (530): View more from California

  red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.

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  (530): red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song. http://tfl.nu/0nv8
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

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  (905): I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time. http://tfl.nu/shdn
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.

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  (614): There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse. http://tfl.nu/wnun
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."

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  (248): So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits." http://tfl.nu/x9en
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle

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  (484): My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs (610): I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle http://tfl.nu/o9xz
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining

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  (541): oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining http://tfl.nu/nogg
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

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  (603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

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  (956): Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW http://tfl.nu/0qym
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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  (540): There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day. http://tfl.nu/ga2m
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.

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  (540): I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win. http://tfl.nu/n6kc
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

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  (614): She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! http://tfl.nu/awdf
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.

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  (336): he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever. http://tfl.nu/31ik
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5

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  (413): Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5 http://tfl.nu/y1kc
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
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  (954): View more from Florida

  In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?

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  (954): In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in? http://tfl.nu/qdxs
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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  (731): We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage. http://tfl.nu/1q8x
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.

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  (412): We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck. http://tfl.nu/ep1e
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"

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  (616): But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!" http://tfl.nu/95zk
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score

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  (608): his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score http://tfl.nu/rd1e
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day

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  (614): I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day http://tfl.nu/6l93
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again

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  (440): I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again http://tfl.nu/lwkt
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  (914): View more from New York

  just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow

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  (914): just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow http://tfl.nu/fqfl
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

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  (828): Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado http://tfl.nu/of4e
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets

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  (734): I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/shph
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.

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  (815): Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/t0xa
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I can dry shave vagina like a champ

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  (512): I can dry shave vagina like a champ http://tfl.nu/x1sm
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.

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  (732): I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night. http://tfl.nu/l68a
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.

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  (681): Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no. http://tfl.nu/cmwe
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best

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  (443): I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/exu8
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

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  (610): Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits? http://tfl.nu/td8v
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
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  (714): View more from California

  The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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  (714): The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet. http://tfl.nu/xgey
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth

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  (336): Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth http://tfl.nu/r0sd
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  (626): View more from California

  I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.

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  (626): I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime. http://tfl.nu/zedi
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.

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  (574): We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head. http://tfl.nu/s37i
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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  (506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Dude. Her vagina is a blender.

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  (928): Dude. Her vagina is a blender. http://tfl.nu/0shv
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.

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  (610): I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions. http://tfl.nu/ms2p
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

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  (615): How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them. http://tfl.nu/5mum
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.

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  (440): Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car. http://tfl.nu/ebaa
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  sex in a tree stand. check.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you lucky bastard

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  (317): sex in a tree stand. check. (765): you lucky bastard http://tfl.nu/avsw
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  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

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  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.

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  (989): Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/qu2m
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

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  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.

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  (850): I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry. http://tfl.nu/53sz
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  (607): View more from New York

  I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.

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  (607): I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/mq74
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

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  (416): He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ http://tfl.nu/txmt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Everyone is cheering

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  (404): Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire. (404): Everyone is cheering http://tfl.nu/wh9k
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.

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  (719): He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year. http://tfl.nu/71up
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

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  (412): Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country. http://tfl.nu/04vq
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

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  (860): He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter. http://tfl.nu/21c2
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

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  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

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  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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  (240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy
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  (281): View more from Texas

  If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.

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  (281): If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/0of8
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours

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  (203): I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours http://tfl.nu/8ktt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

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  (815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples

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  (541): Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples http://tfl.nu/ex1b
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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  (419): He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk.. http://tfl.nu/th8z
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...

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  (248): its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs... http://tfl.nu/1hpf
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  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

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  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.

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  (920): I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation. http://tfl.nu/1i3x
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

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  (315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My tits sealed my fate

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  (440): I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife (440): My tits sealed my fate http://tfl.nu/iglv
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?

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  (705): Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right? http://tfl.nu/0t3q
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

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  (256): i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime? http://tfl.nu/inlq
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

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  (407): I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs. http://tfl.nu/utt1
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs

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  (617): come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs http://tfl.nu/knkn
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  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

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  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
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  (904): View more from Florida

  my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.

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  (904): my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK. http://tfl.nu/twe7
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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  (410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92
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  (207): View more from Maine

  reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face

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  (207): reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face http://tfl.nu/zdhw
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

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  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

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  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

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  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

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  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

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  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

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  (450): She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do... http://tfl.nu/okgn
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.

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  (405): I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation. http://tfl.nu/hpn0
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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  (620): The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices". http://tfl.nu/jiwo
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  (650): View more from California

  she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

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  (650): she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out. http://tfl.nu/w208
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  (786): View more from Florida

  my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao

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  (786): my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao http://tfl.nu/rabe
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

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  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.

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  (503): Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting. http://tfl.nu/fbmg
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on

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  (281): I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on http://tfl.nu/3rfp
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  (607): View more from New York

  Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..

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  (607): Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits.. http://tfl.nu/aan9
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  (858): View more from California

  I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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  (858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

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  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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  (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me. http://tfl.nu/826q
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  (661): View more from California

  It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

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  (661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

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  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
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  (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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  (714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"

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  (215): I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!" http://tfl.nu/0rpe
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

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  (248) i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem?? http://tfl.nu/bwq7
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

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  (763): that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her! http://tfl.nu/ypk8
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

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  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??

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  (864): Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others?? http://tfl.nu/cnvm
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

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  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

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  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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  (517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  How did the beer even get there in the first place?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  That's not what's important right now

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  (734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2
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  (408): View more from California

  I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.

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  (408): I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/oyks
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

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  (519): She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has http://tfl.nu/fgce
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

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  (614): she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her. (614): I was always good at matching as a child. http://tfl.nu/vx3e
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina

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  (870): It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina http://tfl.nu/15cg
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

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  (610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her http://tfl.nu/saue
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  (585): View more from New York

  Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...

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  (585): Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband... http://tfl.nu/78x2
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
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  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

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  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

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  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
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  (619): View more from California

  Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?

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  (619): Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it? http://tfl.nu/4s1d
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

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  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

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  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

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  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

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  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

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  (252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr
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  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

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  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

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  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

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  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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  (908): so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts? http://tfl.nu/ocmm
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?

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  (908): Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable? http://tfl.nu/mn26
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.

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  (316): It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina. http://tfl.nu/v1d1
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.

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  (239): Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest. http://tfl.nu/uwa9
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

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  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

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  (563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
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  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

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  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

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  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
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  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bad breakup?

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.

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  (410): Bad breakup? (1-410): He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB. http://tfl.nu/4dsn
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

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  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

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  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
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  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

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  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
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  (805): View more from California

  I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.

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  (805): I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait. http://tfl.nu/wg99
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.

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  (715): During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me. http://tfl.nu/euwh
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  (360): View more from Washington

  She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.

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  (360): She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone. http://tfl.nu/5hxx
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.

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  (918): It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before. http://tfl.nu/3ksy
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