Texts From Last Night

koric573's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7800) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (42325) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (2196) Bad night (7960)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1709) Bad night (9748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals. http://tfl.nu/wv0a
  Replies (22) Good night (8237) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
  Replies (16) Good night (10459) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (11293) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I felt like a fucking code breaker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night (334): I felt like a fucking code breaker. http://tfl.nu/6jh7
  Replies (17) Good night (5261) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4515) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9930) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8901) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8
  Replies (27) Good night (5656) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73372) Bad night (2464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  oh how i love working at summer camp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week. (401): oh how i love working at summer camp. http://tfl.nu/jjrc
  Replies (36) Good night (3117) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6860) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54916) Bad night (6419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5953) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (11064) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25735) Bad night (4383)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7248) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9343) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (53) Good night (1691) Bad night (6954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26871) Bad night (4290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (216) Good night (33610) Bad night (2238)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8971) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72042) Bad night (2123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8322) Bad night (2780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30094) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  How's tricks little girl?

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Trix are for kids, old man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): How's tricks little girl? (205): Trix are for kids, old man. http://tfl.nu/bqwt
  Replies (6) Good night (739) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska. http://tfl.nu/x618
  Replies (49) Good night (5421) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26160) Bad night (1819)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That baby is bound to be under-loved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy. (651): That baby is bound to be under-loved. http://tfl.nu/j5h4
  Replies (10) Good night (974) Bad night (3818)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1224) Bad night (4685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  wrong number but thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten. (610): wrong number but thanks http://tfl.nu/9cua
  Replies (18) Good night (7862) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20269) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8522) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv' http://tfl.nu/bicf
  Replies (49) Good night (10928) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54024) Bad night (4401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Ridin mah bike see you on the moon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Ridin mah bike see you on the moon http://tfl.nu/f5ya
  Replies (23) Good night (6999) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
  Replies (31) Good night (6902) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night? http://tfl.nu/rh55
  Replies (8) Good night (3096) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (6939) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on http://tfl.nu/87g6
  Replies (38) Good night (5924) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler. http://tfl.nu/cu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4374) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (1022) Bad night (5388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17586) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope. http://tfl.nu/4d9q
  Replies (28) Good night (5279) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop http://tfl.nu/q8xc
  Replies (18) Good night (6544) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (13125) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43789) Bad night (4561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society. http://tfl.nu/uah3
  Replies (31) Good night (1344) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h
  Replies (12) Good night (820) Bad night (5496)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere. http://tfl.nu/rhba
  Replies (22) Good night (1122) Bad night (6528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker http://tfl.nu/hr9i
  Replies (15) Good night (1110) Bad night (4010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are http://tfl.nu/ste8
  Replies (16) Good night (6425) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit". http://tfl.nu/lyvs
  Replies (19) Good night (6859) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok
  Replies (63) Good night (7443) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (26) Good night (7218) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me. http://tfl.nu/6dky
  Replies (18) Good night (746) Bad night (3663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12193) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville. (202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am. http://tfl.nu/fp1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5296) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3447) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine http://tfl.nu/51sq
  Replies (22) Good night (5296) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..." http://tfl.nu/hs05
  Replies (43) Good night (1628) Bad night (6605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (7043) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie. http://tfl.nu/xp3y
  Replies (36) Good night (6987) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high. http://tfl.nu/x6pp
  Replies (16) Good night (6607) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6659) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem. http://tfl.nu/rwe9
  Replies (12) Good night (4904) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer http://tfl.nu/kzvv
  Replies (8) Good night (4327) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to? http://tfl.nu/b64u
  Replies (21) Good night (4089) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm really into asian looking animals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm really into asian looking animals http://tfl.nu/3ena
  Replies (3) Good night (715) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name. http://tfl.nu/dkz5
  Replies (27) Good night (6591) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9471) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3646) Bad night (8079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong" http://tfl.nu/catg
  Replies (31) Good night (5827) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (198): View more from

  im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (198): im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now http://tfl.nu/ubkf
  Replies (36) Good night (4746) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28643) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon http://tfl.nu/p3qx
  Replies (44) Good night (6051) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed. http://tfl.nu/2764
  Replies (47) Good night (6246) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51687) Bad night (5690)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe. http://tfl.nu/ylh3
  Replies (42) Good night (5864) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
  Replies (92) Good night (27652) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF? http://tfl.nu/cban
  Replies (21) Good night (1613) Bad night (5623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  what day is it and did you see me today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): what day is it and did you see me today? http://tfl.nu/sgc7
  Replies (7) Good night (6063) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  yo i have your phone

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ... oh so you probably won't get this message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message http://tfl.nu/0ifv
  Replies (14) Good night (1963) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can still come hang out if you want

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I really don't feel like watching you play video games

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you can still come hang out if you want (248): I really don't feel like watching you play video games http://tfl.nu/d4ru
  Replies (19) Good night (697) Bad night (1478)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list? http://tfl.nu/v2ct
  Replies (28) Good night (1065) Bad night (4605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow. http://tfl.nu/rpb6
  Replies (37) Good night (2757) Bad night (4091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too. http://tfl.nu/ijhr
  Replies (45) Good night (7503) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (33001) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that http://tfl.nu/8upf
  Replies (16) Good night (1624) Bad night (5324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens. http://tfl.nu/64xb
  Replies (43) Good night (4265) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (25) Good night (8241) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6202) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6046) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there. http://tfl.nu/fwws
  Replies (28) Good night (4759) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (624) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers http://tfl.nu/z5gf
  Replies (43) Good night (6397) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (6106) Bad night (1986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again. http://tfl.nu/vdhg
  Replies (51) Good night (797) Bad night (4329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo
  Replies (20) Good night (7603) Bad night (1962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much. http://tfl.nu/edmc
  Replies (24) Good night (5195) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you are hot. that is all.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  who is this?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  the delivery driver from silvermine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): you are hot. that is all. (1-480): who is this? (480): the delivery driver from silvermine. http://tfl.nu/dvq3
  Replies (32) Good night (5496) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Apparently you chose the latter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour. (416): Apparently you chose the latter. http://tfl.nu/xdpl
  Replies (29) Good night (3614) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1753) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night. (713): Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry... http://tfl.nu/w6q1
  Replies (36) Good night (3513) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (079): View more from

  I think we need to take a brake

  (078): View more from

  What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (079): I think we need to take a brake (078): What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake' http://tfl.nu/ju32
  Replies (18) Good night (743) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes (1-260): Are your eyes okay (260): I mean if I was Asian they would be http://tfl.nu/l3r4
  Replies (8) Good night (2039) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT. http://tfl.nu/2ngi
  Replies (14) Good night (1735) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  R you on birth control?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  No, why?

  (212): View more from New York

  ...no reason

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): R you on birth control? (1-212): No, why? (212): ...no reason http://tfl.nu/zfov
  Replies (6) Good night (519) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?

  (469): View more from Texas

  Ya, why?

  (972): View more from Texas

  We should try that some time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Remember that sex scene from American Psycho? (469): Ya, why? (972): We should try that some time. http://tfl.nu/72x3
  Replies (10) Good night (1075) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (546): View more from

  Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990
  Replies (65) Good night (2696) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo http://tfl.nu/oxyw
  Replies (8) Good night (1027) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1616) Bad night (3886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6798) Bad night (40794)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Ikea night.

  (949): View more from California

  ?

  (714): View more from California

  Insert tab A into swedish slot B

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Ikea night. (949): ? (714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B http://tfl.nu/q7ph
  Replies (19) Good night (4137) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash http://tfl.nu/ibz5
  Replies (16) Good night (2421) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up. http://tfl.nu/j6d2
  Replies (3) Good night (607) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune (1-318): what drug did you take to come to that conclusion?? http://tfl.nu/bym5
  Replies (80) Good night (4136) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (3082) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21985) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1
  Replies (58) Good night (3426) Bad night (7588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/2g9l
  Replies (28) Good night (1047) Bad night (3794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

  (214): View more from Texas

  so how much did i say i owed you?

  (972): View more from Texas

  $5 and a new fuck buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg
  Replies (21) Good night (3079) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Moan for me like Helen Keller

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Moan for me like Helen Keller http://tfl.nu/vo5w
  Replies (33) Good night (2558) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night

  (303): View more from Colorado

  lol who won

  (727): View more from Florida

  well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night (303): lol who won (727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me http://tfl.nu/pmtb
  Replies (15) Good night (1434) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm drunk

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that why you're texting me

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm drunk (615): Is that why you're texting me (405): Yes http://tfl.nu/5xy8
  Replies (16) Good night (1454) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (21009) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster http://tfl.nu/zma4
  Replies (14) Good night (5199) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was. http://tfl.nu/nuhx
  Replies (28) Good night (8539) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball... http://tfl.nu/7xuo
  Replies (26) Good night (6704) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He has such a weird drunk-voice.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  dude, he's deaf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): He has such a weird drunk-voice. (1-417): dude, he's deaf. http://tfl.nu/4u2p
  Replies (23) Good night (689) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29868) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (6123) Bad night (1890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26274) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1646) Bad night (5595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1258) Bad night (12770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (92) Good night (2034) Bad night (7841)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66709) Bad night (2996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2538) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi

  (214): View more from Texas

  ok, stay where you are, be there soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi (214): ok, stay where you are, be there soon http://tfl.nu/1y99
  Replies (55) Good night (2356) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2812) Bad night (2700)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2
  Replies (13) Good night (2549) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided? http://tfl.nu/vrm3
  Replies (8) Good night (3179) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

  (210): View more from Texas

  S P E L L C H E C K

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No you dumbass thats not right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5
  Replies (14) Good night (3147) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey
  Replies (32) Good night (10412) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21337) Bad night (2981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2957) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Did I miss anything?

  (1-914): View more from New York

  A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.

  (914): View more from New York

  so we also did drugs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Did I miss anything? (1-914): A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson. (914): so we also did drugs http://tfl.nu/07bb
  Replies (9) Good night (2515) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies. http://tfl.nu/atqm
  Replies (8) Good night (1616) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up http://tfl.nu/89z7
  Replies (27) Good night (2586) Bad night (4798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude. Creed is coming in september.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  We're no longer friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Dude. Creed is coming in september. (1-817): We're no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/0z8r
  Replies (43) Good night (1214) Bad night (4041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (842) Bad night (2912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wanted to see November 5, 1985

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima (832): I wanted to see November 5, 1985 http://tfl.nu/o133
  Replies (19) Good night (3999) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7808) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (10436) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches http://tfl.nu/86sw
  Replies (25) Good night (3519) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had http://tfl.nu/9bpx
  Replies (7) Good night (5914) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong? http://tfl.nu/d7ju
  Replies (48) Good night (1423) Bad night (4380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  p.s. you have a small clit

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): p.s. you have a small clit (1-417): YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE. http://tfl.nu/402d
  Replies (45) Good night (1149) Bad night (4367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry http://tfl.nu/lyzu
  Replies (127) Good night (5042) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped. http://tfl.nu/8nmk
  Replies (35) Good night (916) Bad night (10051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub? http://tfl.nu/tcak
  Replies (33) Good night (8087) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it. http://tfl.nu/5uvk
  Replies (33) Good night (1445) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Successful day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave. (573): Successful day. http://tfl.nu/6nom
  Replies (26) Good night (4267) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (386) Good night (40794) Bad night (3882)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby. http://tfl.nu/ceb0
  Replies (82) Good night (1124) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (7848) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal http://tfl.nu/ymjw
  Replies (15) Good night (1038) Bad night (2978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them. http://tfl.nu/uohp
  Replies (20) Good night (1072) Bad night (8415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w
  Replies (17) Good night (4888) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i have a girlfriend

  (847): View more from Illinois

  if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i have a girlfriend (847): if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend? (630): no http://tfl.nu/0yu4
  Replies (40) Good night (5391) Bad night (1620)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture. http://tfl.nu/g8h6
  Replies (30) Good night (5310) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie http://tfl.nu/b4xy
  Replies (24) Good night (3849) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light. http://tfl.nu/687c
  Replies (21) Good night (731) Bad night (3515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird. http://tfl.nu/7edr
  Replies (66) Good night (621) Bad night (5044)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working... http://tfl.nu/rly7
  Replies (20) Good night (1052) Bad night (3259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (105) Good night (22623) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (3934) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (976) Bad night (3770)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful http://tfl.nu/bv6a
  Replies (22) Good night (3353) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check. http://tfl.nu/gtrd
  Replies (35) Good night (4607) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter http://tfl.nu/d1e8
  Replies (64) Good night (691) Bad night (2895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (10081) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It smells like weed.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It smells like weed. (720): We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed. http://tfl.nu/w4bb
  Replies (41) Good night (3791) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/5spj
  Replies (9) Good night (662) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!! (1-515): Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states. http://tfl.nu/ptk3
  Replies (53) Good night (7034) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says. http://tfl.nu/scvs
  Replies (54) Good night (4224) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (8364) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/k2tm
  Replies (25) Good night (3738) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju
  Replies (35) Good night (7346) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do. http://tfl.nu/8y8e
  Replies (74) Good night (13879) Bad night (1712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple http://tfl.nu/4fv0
  Replies (19) Good night (4757) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5281) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina... http://tfl.nu/yr74
  Replies (48) Good night (1191) Bad night (5833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
  Replies (26) Good night (11975) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster. http://tfl.nu/p7ub
  Replies (109) Good night (12989) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship. http://tfl.nu/h697
  Replies (56) Good night (702) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You surviving the open bar?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Super asto ex polenta omaha botad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You surviving the open bar? (1-512): Super asto ex polenta omaha botad http://tfl.nu/tyvd
  Replies (15) Good night (1642) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm..who the fuck is this?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them? (617): Umm..who the fuck is this? (781): Oh shit http://tfl.nu/ik4c
  Replies (54) Good night (1992) Bad night (6280)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real http://tfl.nu/vc07
  Replies (62) Good night (7766) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1824) Bad night (7761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12415) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11083) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3
  Replies (20) Good night (7423) Bad night (864)