Texts From Last Night

sonicrose's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja. http://tfl.nu/8z0x
  Replies (13) Good night (2213) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed. http://tfl.nu/g7ri
  Replies (4) Good night (2575) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me? http://tfl.nu/cqgr
  Replies (6) Good night (536) Bad night (2031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker. http://tfl.nu/xtlj
  Replies (9) Good night (1744) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/j2g5
  Replies (21) Good night (4138) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there. http://tfl.nu/94gv
  Replies (17) Good night (995) Bad night (3232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man http://tfl.nu/qpf8
  Replies (18) Good night (3917) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures. http://tfl.nu/dcpy
  Replies (11) Good night (2412) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2719) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (6139) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore http://tfl.nu/9n7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2163) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time. http://tfl.nu/4w7h
  Replies (21) Good night (2560) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.

  (1-707): View more from California

  is that even a sentence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina. (1-707): is that even a sentence? http://tfl.nu/j6fd
  Replies (13) Good night (3086) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets http://tfl.nu/eeot
  Replies (10) Good night (1093) Bad night (3939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help. http://tfl.nu/6hrq
  Replies (10) Good night (1003) Bad night (3458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting. http://tfl.nu/e4bo
  Replies (11) Good night (792) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too . http://tfl.nu/0v5g
  Replies (26) Good night (1469) Bad night (2840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2903) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass? http://tfl.nu/0xyl
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (2007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before http://tfl.nu/x76s
  Replies (9) Good night (887) Bad night (2628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6473) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila http://tfl.nu/88ud
  Replies (6) Good night (4376) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame. http://tfl.nu/c14x
  Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (2317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15128) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5745) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out http://tfl.nu/y0cc
  Replies (22) Good night (4539) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1221) Bad night (3505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance http://tfl.nu/h8yt
  Replies (28) Good night (5914) Bad night (1556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face" http://tfl.nu/ke0l
  Replies (15) Good night (5502) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2754) Bad night (4905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4594) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  you inspire me to be a worse person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): you inspire me to be a worse person http://tfl.nu/en33
  Replies (6) Good night (3243) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg
  Replies (3) Good night (2698) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (7) Good night (991) Bad night (2318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position http://tfl.nu/050n
  Replies (3) Good night (899) Bad night (1780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis. http://tfl.nu/6cer
  Replies (22) Good night (1203) Bad night (5264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o
  Replies (3) Good night (3244) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22296) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13585) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2422) Bad night (4371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33899) Bad night (3565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33420) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25447) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25463) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8
  Replies (23) Good night (1956) Bad night (6573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (5839) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (1087) Bad night (6580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9297) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (31766) Bad night (2248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk
  Replies (47) Good night (2124) Bad night (5951)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep. http://tfl.nu/xylt
  Replies (52) Good night (1467) Bad night (7967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish they made helmets for livers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I wish they made helmets for livers. http://tfl.nu/bj92
  Replies (12) Good night (5590) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/uobp
  Replies (17) Good night (3652) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/wl2h
  Replies (12) Good night (1545) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u
  Replies (47) Good night (1967) Bad night (4341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation http://tfl.nu/2ie5
  Replies (35) Good night (697) Bad night (4475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off http://tfl.nu/9bti
  Replies (86) Good night (1307) Bad night (10253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm
  Replies (48) Good night (5925) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (174) Good night (2699) Bad night (32213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2990) Bad night (11686)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  he is so annoying

  (513): View more from Ohio

  so stop sleeping with him

  (937): View more from Ohio

  yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): he is so annoying (513): so stop sleeping with him (937): yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk http://tfl.nu/y8qk
  Replies (25) Good night (5092) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/abjc
  Replies (18) Good night (5181) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it? http://tfl.nu/4s1d
  Replies (34) Good night (1893) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level http://tfl.nu/kj4c
  Replies (16) Good night (4685) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD http://tfl.nu/xg03
  Replies (18) Good night (6291) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better. http://tfl.nu/j6r0
  Replies (17) Good night (915) Bad night (4797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7' http://tfl.nu/hrls
  Replies (63) Good night (1049) Bad night (5115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz
  Replies (33) Good night (571) Bad night (7991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus. http://tfl.nu/0q2j
  Replies (11) Good night (2797) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (940) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/e8cz
  Replies (61) Good night (5657) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142147) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr
  Replies (57) Good night (8976) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator? http://tfl.nu/votk
  Replies (50) Good night (1514) Bad night (8542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (22954) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f
  Replies (55) Good night (1219) Bad night (16737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome http://tfl.nu/rn4a
  Replies (7) Good night (4577) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me. http://tfl.nu/ughv
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (2701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions. http://tfl.nu/l7t6
  Replies (21) Good night (3011) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (1120) Bad night (3363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (1166) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2234) Bad night (35653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe? http://tfl.nu/rh9d
  Replies (25) Good night (1062) Bad night (4626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gr4l
  Replies (39) Good night (700) Bad night (4871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  his personality makes his face look like an asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): his personality makes his face look like an asshole. http://tfl.nu/0gwl
  Replies (14) Good night (719) Bad night (3013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love http://tfl.nu/hgdf
  Replies (86) Good night (7265) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now http://tfl.nu/59pg
  Replies (64) Good night (993) Bad night (6625)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  how hairy? two words: wookie tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): how hairy? two words: wookie tits http://tfl.nu/0tmt
  Replies (32) Good night (567) Bad night (5575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (21448) Bad night (2997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (9338) Bad night (2691)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Her vagina smelled like bad decisions http://tfl.nu/m5j1
  Replies (33) Good night (793) Bad night (7720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66709) Bad night (2997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad http://tfl.nu/uv9f
  Replies (21) Good night (1285) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control http://tfl.nu/izk5
  Replies (46) Good night (699) Bad night (8249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book http://tfl.nu/0iyr
  Replies (18) Good night (1349) Bad night (6555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome http://tfl.nu/pei8
  Replies (45) Good night (834) Bad night (6346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (686) Bad night (6174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40131) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4820) Bad night (101279)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length. http://tfl.nu/s8ds
  Replies (41) Good night (535) Bad night (6835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (134) Good night (12903) Bad night (25545)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning http://tfl.nu/5v1w
  Replies (17) Good night (2601) Bad night (3255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80185) Bad night (4306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6765) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived http://tfl.nu/hxwe
  Replies (31) Good night (5240) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20270) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I just did the classiest thing ever.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  last time you said that you got chlamydia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I just did the classiest thing ever. (216): last time you said that you got chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/33ag
  Replies (19) Good night (1387) Bad night (6345)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7516) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/1ci0
  Replies (57) Good night (2310) Bad night (6651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
  Replies (43) Good night (7281) Bad night (1818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2229) Bad night (8887)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you made cement angels. it was a great sight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you made cement angels. it was a great sight. http://tfl.nu/etc6
  Replies (18) Good night (5847) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13968) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies http://tfl.nu/m8ne
  Replies (33) Good night (2439) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened. (1-727): shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face. http://tfl.nu/dien
  Replies (13) Good night (4470) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  new revelation: five guys for breakfast

  (561): View more from Florida

  new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): new revelation: five guys for breakfast (561): new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation http://tfl.nu/4ic9
  Replies (24) Good night (3473) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/e8p3
  Replies (27) Good night (4829) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1141) Bad night (4263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day http://tfl.nu/y67c
  Replies (42) Good night (3714) Bad night (6528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord" http://tfl.nu/17lg
  Replies (61) Good night (6179) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (196) Good night (1774) Bad night (26510)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face! http://tfl.nu/2men
  Replies (24) Good night (1239) Bad night (4673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/qmc8
  Replies (55) Good night (4823) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang... http://tfl.nu/ct1j
  Replies (35) Good night (4747) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (11927) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad http://tfl.nu/sh9o
  Replies (45) Good night (766) Bad night (9446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles http://tfl.nu/ysqd
  Replies (26) Good night (1005) Bad night (5085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
  Replies (22) Good night (8083) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8925) Bad night (2330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you http://tfl.nu/r9im
  Replies (21) Good night (886) Bad night (4326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (31) Good night (13695) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels http://tfl.nu/zg26
  Replies (58) Good night (718) Bad night (8096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7
  Replies (20) Good night (7033) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate. http://tfl.nu/beue
  Replies (40) Good night (1116) Bad night (6927)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (1221) Bad night (6940)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero... http://tfl.nu/xsvf
  Replies (17) Good night (6151) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9613) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29868) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17899) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1564) Bad night (4300)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59117) Bad night (7122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73377) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt