Texts From Last Night

jb125's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent http://tfl.nu/fgks
  Replies (24) Good night (4000) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again http://tfl.nu/5apw
  Replies (37) Good night (1684) Bad night (5140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6310) Bad night (11938)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (8291) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays http://tfl.nu/yd37
  Replies (10) Good night (3791) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd
  Replies (14) Good night (7077) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp
  Replies (13) Good night (496) Bad night (2937)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1158) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (101) Good night (2951) Bad night (12040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2481) Bad night (6595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/i0an
  Replies (21) Good night (915) Bad night (7872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8824) Bad night (1266)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (7993) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (8112) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh
  Replies (49) Good night (1147) Bad night (7140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4
  Replies (47) Good night (1389) Bad night (5318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7170) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4
  Replies (8) Good night (7173) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8548) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again. http://tfl.nu/0egr
  Replies (13) Good night (5469) Bad night (1787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3622) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (8003) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5660) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37097) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8584) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw
  Replies (7) Good night (4237) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8735) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (13402) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33411) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (82) Good night (11056) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle http://tfl.nu/2q09
  Replies (13) Good night (1021) Bad night (3558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (10180) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
  Replies (21) Good night (5497) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it. http://tfl.nu/pcok
  Replies (24) Good night (5302) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7513) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (10068) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (15627) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket. http://tfl.nu/pclq
  Replies (13) Good night (5759) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (11148) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5778) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (5088) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12266) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/8dgh
  Replies (9) Good night (820) Bad night (5044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13966) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54909) Bad night (6415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (689) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq
  Replies (36) Good night (1146) Bad night (4115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (75) Good night (11794) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  jesus mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): ? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum? (773): jesus mom http://tfl.nu/qe6d
  Replies (11) Good night (821) Bad night (1765)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/goyi
  Replies (22) Good night (7588) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually.. (250): i'll start checking the bushes on campus. http://tfl.nu/j3zu
  Replies (34) Good night (5422) Bad night (1292)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14709) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8970) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday http://tfl.nu/e47n
  Replies (7) Good night (4339) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): 3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado http://tfl.nu/w6qi
  Replies (72) Good night (7596) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network. http://tfl.nu/hbga
  Replies (27) Good night (4392) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1735) Bad night (4815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/a138
  Replies (60) Good night (2148) Bad night (7454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28025) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you. http://tfl.nu/w13u
  Replies (48) Good night (2124) Bad night (3122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great! http://tfl.nu/724w
  Replies (35) Good night (7005) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand. http://tfl.nu/sj9u
  Replies (31) Good night (8291) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (42) Good night (12757) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay. http://tfl.nu/cdim
  Replies (26) Good night (1116) Bad night (5804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2441) Bad night (4896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
  Replies (40) Good night (20977) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible. http://tfl.nu/1wu4
  Replies (11) Good night (6976) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker. http://tfl.nu/w3ss
  Replies (30) Good night (7637) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk
  Replies (75) Good night (7210) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers http://tfl.nu/btsl
  Replies (12) Good night (4727) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5830) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere' http://tfl.nu/tlv9
  Replies (18) Good night (4486) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you? http://tfl.nu/svb6
  Replies (31) Good night (4546) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena http://tfl.nu/u4d0
  Replies (42) Good night (7364) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion http://tfl.nu/golc
  Replies (263) Good night (3398) Bad night (31203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon
  Replies (17) Good night (2708) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea. http://tfl.nu/vuoh
  Replies (28) Good night (5511) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51677) Bad night (5687)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed. http://tfl.nu/2764
  Replies (47) Good night (6246) Bad night (1961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28635) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
  Replies (43) Good night (7819) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f
  Replies (47) Good night (1258) Bad night (6271)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1742) Bad night (5687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7833) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x
  Replies (85) Good night (7749) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall. http://tfl.nu/ft7q
  Replies (12) Good night (3069) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights. http://tfl.nu/0a84
  Replies (29) Good night (4884) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112189) Bad night (9720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6791) Bad night (40788)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED. (661): Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand. http://tfl.nu/omij
  Replies (16) Good night (3465) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21332) Bad night (2979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events http://tfl.nu/1mgv
  Replies (7) Good night (749) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

  (376): View more from

  you are insane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh
  Replies (12) Good night (3449) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (409) Good night (103622) Bad night (9398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86058) Bad night (8368)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5858) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out http://tfl.nu/q1wd
  Replies (15) Good night (5119) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people? http://tfl.nu/e8xq
  Replies (65) Good night (813) Bad night (8468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier. http://tfl.nu/mu3y
  Replies (36) Good night (1166) Bad night (7308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7414) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts http://tfl.nu/g5xn
  Replies (44) Good night (4907) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs. (402): but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs. http://tfl.nu/7170
  Replies (9) Good night (3655) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (64) Good night (10874) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51225) Bad night (2583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year http://tfl.nu/ku2e
  Replies (58) Good night (8040) Bad night (1744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1504) Bad night (4819)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door. http://tfl.nu/090e
  Replies (29) Good night (2068) Bad night (6868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/ddwb
  Replies (30) Good night (4596) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1436) Bad night (9592)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (9097) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15553) Bad night (1704)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1326) Bad night (8881)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow http://tfl.nu/61vx
  Replies (66) Good night (589) Bad night (5987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1432) Bad night (18287)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry... http://tfl.nu/3gdb
  Replies (51) Good night (6311) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5881) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks http://tfl.nu/rdtc
  Replies (50) Good night (7007) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year. http://tfl.nu/n54w
  Replies (23) Good night (4608) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so my dad walked in on us having sex

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  lulz really? why?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so my dad walked in on us having sex (1-256): lulz really? why? (256): lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time http://tfl.nu/805g
  Replies (75) Good night (1415) Bad night (10943)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (6828) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12479) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.

  (360): View more from Washington

  You're getting good at this, you know that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number. (360): You're getting good at this, you know that? http://tfl.nu/w185
  Replies (17) Good night (6680) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7261) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (662) Bad night (9590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away http://tfl.nu/d57a
  Replies (40) Good night (4651) Bad night (3028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway http://tfl.nu/b3sf
  Replies (23) Good night (2203) Bad night (6903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9266) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy. http://tfl.nu/rtg1
  Replies (41) Good night (1752) Bad night (8113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
  Replies (25) Good night (1942) Bad night (5883)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real. http://tfl.nu/krsx
  Replies (39) Good night (701) Bad night (5228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12601) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us. http://tfl.nu/xmtc
  Replies (20) Good night (929) Bad night (5981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere. http://tfl.nu/eett
  Replies (40) Good night (866) Bad night (11905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  i dedicated my morning wood to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): i dedicated my morning wood to you. http://tfl.nu/nbc4
  Replies (17) Good night (5085) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (734) Bad night (6028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon?? http://tfl.nu/c1fp
  Replies (33) Good night (10532) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
  Replies (26) Good night (9867) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): omg a stripper jus od'd on stage. http://tfl.nu/hgsr
  Replies (42) Good night (1783) Bad night (5970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43782) Bad night (4559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub http://tfl.nu/5cjl
  Replies (20) Good night (5004) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish http://tfl.nu/24oc
  Replies (27) Good night (5267) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (1998) Bad night (3879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y
  Replies (74) Good night (11670) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do. http://tfl.nu/1xvv
  Replies (16) Good night (4357) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating.. http://tfl.nu/qbj3
  Replies (45) Good night (1304) Bad night (5331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (196) Good night (1770) Bad night (26509)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why? (410): i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks. http://tfl.nu/uckj
  Replies (63) Good night (586) Bad night (8727)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  His pubic hair was longer than his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): His pubic hair was longer than his dick http://tfl.nu/f6nh
  Replies (69) Good night (1147) Bad night (26600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea. http://tfl.nu/a9pb
  Replies (51) Good night (1122) Bad night (11366)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left. http://tfl.nu/zkuy
  Replies (20) Good night (1430) Bad night (5581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (51272) Bad night (3138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (3110) Bad night (6293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama. http://tfl.nu/24qa
  Replies (52) Good night (4590) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick http://tfl.nu/3xlh
  Replies (64) Good night (7343) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames. http://tfl.nu/itz7
  Replies (12) Good night (4383) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (27979) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey. http://tfl.nu/ja6h
  Replies (46) Good night (10989) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (8176) Bad night (1913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8950) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf
  Replies (21) Good night (4482) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital. http://tfl.nu/82nh
  Replies (62) Good night (4490) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet. http://tfl.nu/x1wg
  Replies (29) Good night (7732) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka. http://tfl.nu/gxhu
  Replies (16) Good night (4820) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done http://tfl.nu/rbbz
  Replies (23) Good night (5566) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it. http://tfl.nu/df00
  Replies (38) Good night (6091) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9381) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father. http://tfl.nu/ibri
  Replies (21) Good night (2429) Bad night (5280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14462) Bad night (3210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ravioli

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up (1-609): i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one (609): ravioli http://tfl.nu/eoaw
  Replies (38) Good night (4893) Bad night (2565)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You only like me because I'm a challenge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You already blew me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You only like me because I'm a challenge (201): You already blew me http://tfl.nu/s47q
  Replies (21) Good night (5964) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (25737) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5244) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3243) Bad night (3987) Order T-Shirt