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  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:12pm

    #1 Vag in a sexual context is gross. #2 The image of said vag opening and closing at a fast pace choppily taking bites of a cock makes me feel not only non-sexual but also queezy.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:11pm

    My dick wants to play a game......RUN FROM THE HIPPO!!!!!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:38pm

    Who else is poopin right now?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:01pm

    What girl says shit like this?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:08pm

    last time i said that to a guy was... oh yeah. never.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:35pm

    am i the only one who thinks this is funny! sounds like this girl has a decent sense of humor!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:40pm

    Love this, if a girl said this to me I'd marry her tommorrow.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:24pm

    why does everyone say she is a whore and shit. she could be sending this to her boyfriend

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:30pm

    while she may not be a whore, she is severely deficient at sexting.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:41am

    That's some extreme kegelling!! -sephy

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:36pm

    Hahaha Why can't you people see the humor in this?! It's random and bizarre and amusing

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:40pm

    four four oh five three two one two two five

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:23am

    Ok first of all scariest image stuck in my head. And two is that what was meant when it was called a snapper.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:12am

    Ha! Who has seen that movie Teeth?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:32pm

    This is fake and sent in by some creepster dude.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:34am

    I'd never yell mercy to a good salad tossing -sleezy lee

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:10pm

    You mean my balls, chubby?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:31pm

    it's funny no doubt, but if a girl said that to me I would never speak to her again....well that's not true, I'd go sleep with her THEN I'd never speak to her again.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 15, 10 at 5:46am

    For all you people who think this is nasty. I think it's cute and hot. I like a girl with a sense of humor. Especially a horny one. So at the end of the joke you have sex. That works for me.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 2:13am

    What the fuck was 1:55 smoking ?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:23am

    That doesn't make any sense. She's clearly either a virgin or not an English major. This text may be the worst metaphor of all time.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:53pm

    Ahhhhhhh aggressive vagina

  • 97 80
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:50pm

    9:03 - I like ham. 9:12 - The preview alone was enough to make question if sex is worth the risk (it is, by the way) Side note: I'm cool with all of the repetative, frequent posters on here; ie. Soviet Russia guy, sleezy lee, sven the fisherman, the "these pretzels are making me thirsty" guy, and even the "first" douches. That being said, Im not cool with the admiral. I highly dislike the admiral. Admiral, I do not want to be your friend.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:17am

    9:03AM I feel sorry for you. I would marry this girl.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:02am

    In Soviet Russia, family game night consists of various drinking games with hippos and horny vodka sluts.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:38am

    I say shit like this all the time....

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:20am

    9:17 why do you feel sorry for me? I'm not attracted to girls that's all.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:15pm

    There have been a lot of vagina texts lately. I guess the mods want a better imagination of what one feels like.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:58am

    this is the first time i have ever wrote this on tfln but FAKE!!!!!!! and for the record i hate when ppl write that but FTW!! FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE! ok, i got it out of my system. sorry. And 7:14 that was just awesome, im gonna use that with this chick i wanna plug lol

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:13pm

    Sounds like someone had a little too much to drink at family game night. ps: jesus may love you, but i don't have to.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:04am

    2:56 go kill yourself.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:14am

    Omg that's so scary!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 21, 10 at 1:53am

    I think i like u

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:25am

    The worst part is I know a girl who would say this shit almost verbatim. Freaky.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:12am

    Fucked in the ass by a chainsaw. Perfect for that douche. He probably thought it was really funny too. I'd feed him his own balls. Choke on that fucko.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:15am

    You can't just play with 1 vaginapotumus, where are the other 3?!

  • 94 96
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:32am

    Something about referencing hippos while sexting just doesn't really turn me on...at all... Next time maybe just reference some good ol doggie style with some hair pulling MUCH better

  • 93 95
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:30am

    1014 I say cock all the time. It's like a size chart to me: penis (smallest), dick, cock (biggest). Add In wht other names u wnt but thts how I see it

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:16pm

    1015 can suck my vagina Your pal, Astin Davis

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:12pm

    Why do girls get mad if on a one night stand if you shove your dick in their ass without asking. It's like you sucked my dick till it got hard took off your clothes and bended over in front of me what did you expect to happen.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 7:14am

    This is gross, granted. I just want to know if it worked.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:24am

    slut. did u really send that to someone?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:41pm

    Best pickup line ever.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:51pm

    Damn! I need some cock in my life.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:25pm

    im sorry that some girls have a sense of humor ive totally sent something like this to my boyfriend maybe she sent this to hers

  • 88 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:28am

    Wow, sounds like Miley Cyrus

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:45pm

    does the thought of this make anyone else sick?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:09am

    worst referrence to sex. e v e r.  on the bright side, though. I couldn't stop laughing.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:28pm

    Yeah so that's kind of not a good way to pick up guys. Ha all you have to do is show some skin. Or at least when you're 16 that's all:) ha. - Claire

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:58am

    That's hot!!!!.......

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:01am

    that american apparel lace outfit is just as gross as the chick wearing it.... does anyone actually buy that stuff?!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:36pm

    Dude, 16 year olds may be hot, (Claire, if I was younger you would be mine) but you go to jail for that shit.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:28pm

    My hippo cock wants to feed your vag

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 24, 10 at 2:20pm

    Why don't I know women like this?

  • 88 97
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 19, 10 at 11:03pm

    Elaborate more

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 2:00pm

    i'm embarassed to be from this area code.

  • 89 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 11:43am

    9:03 ...nuns shouldn't look at tfln --The Admiral

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:59pm

    Sounds like no inhabitions here. God I love that in a woman. It is way more fun.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:39pm

    girl said that to me i'd vomit

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:12pm

    This was sent in by a guy. Girls don't say this shit.

  • 87 96
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:46am

    What a skank!! A real lady would call it her poon.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 31, 10 at 9:21pm

    Y don't I know these ppl lol

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 11:33am

    I'd like to play a game of chutes and ladders with your ass

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:31am

    i thought this was hilarious i couldn't stop laughing.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:28pm

    11:16, maybe she's drunk or just in a really horny mood for feminine reasons.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:42am

    I say cock...and i'm a girl

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:23am

    Totally agree, 8:19.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:07am

    Because pussy juice feels good againts the unprotected dick? Maybe?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:58am

    Chicks probably the same size as a hippo

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:01am

    Fuckin skank.....!!!

  • 87 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:12pm

    Omg! That's effin' awesome.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:46am

    @ Jan 4 10:04pm,, you failed so goddam hard

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:13am

    "that american apparel lace outfit is just as gross as the chick wearing it.... does anyone actually buy that stuff?!" i was wondering if anyone else felt the same way... american apparel clothing and ads seem, by and large, really unattractive

  • 82 91
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:22am

    That doesn't sound appealing... I think you're doing it wrong.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:54am

    My booty call says stuff like that, it's funny. And no, not a hippo at all.

  • 78 84
    Submitted by pizzaboy11 on Sep 3, 10 at 4:24am

    I just wanna say im also a 630 and you are awesome. Way represent 630 with honor!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:35pm

    how about we play a game of not being a whore, you lost.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 11:23am

    Whoever says "girls don't talk this"...are guys clearly dating the wrong women. And you're also not getting laid enough.

  • 82 92
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 11:08am

    god ellen schram is a huge slut

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:00am

    Like a hot dog down a hallway

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:04pm

    Ur probably a fat bitch!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:27pm

    I think I just fell in love.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:02am

    I played that with my sister

  • 83 96
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 9, 10 at 10:54am

    Probably fake, but good nontheless!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:37am

    In soviet russia Pussy eat cock Like dinosaur

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:08am

    You deserve to be castrated and fucked in the ass by a chainsaw you sick fucking parasite.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:03am

    if i may ask, what is so good about 16 year old pussy? what's to say they're not loose and gross?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 4, 10 at 12:59am

    Bahahahahah. Love it!

  • 84 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:13pm

    1:47 why would THIS be fake? There are hundreds of clearly fake texts on here but I'm pretty sure this isn't one of them...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:49pm

    Jesus saves 1 corinthians 6:9-11

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:14pm

    Dear this girls vagina, You will inquired a large sum of hiv and gov and aids and let's just say you will be missed very little. Your pal, Astin Davis

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:29pm

    Show some skin Claire

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:57am

    That's some funny shit!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:29am

    No kidding 12:03. 16. Hahaha only tight if nothins been there. Once it is, oh well. Don't exercise, sag... Takes a bit of use and some kegels to make it tighter than it was before you even knew what it was that you were supposed to do with it.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 7:43pm

    umm... who would this make horny? thats so frightening. i would never want to screw someone who said that to me... weeeeeeeeeeirdoooooo

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 2:16am

    My asshole wants to play a game of poop-chutes and ladders with your cock ;)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:24pm

    Thats a really gross way to put it...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:59pm

    I love playin that game ;) -girl next door

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:40am

    Omg I know who that is... Haha

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:41pm

    Booger is almost like goober hahahahahahaha ohhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha... Oh my. Booger.

  • Submitted by pen15 on Feb 7, 10 at 4:45pm

    umm.... okay

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 4:24am

    3:15, the shit you just said is more "vile" than this text. Please get off this site if you have no sense of humor. Prissy bitches.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:40am

    12:16 it's such a terrible text it probably is Naperville.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:52pm

    gotta love dupage county

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:14pm

    How many girls really say cock???

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:14am

    at 9:07 ummm, ass is better...notably guy ass.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 2:29am

    not even close to turning me on but 1:58 hell yeah

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:41pm

    this girl's crotch sounds like a vaccuum

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:55am

    LolZ gooBeR = BooGeR!! ZOMG! That is tOo fuNNy ! I'm ShITtiNg out my VaGiNa!!! Whoewww

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:08am

    Wow. U are pathetic 2:56. U probably wear all black and hate ur life. This is why u have no friends.

  • 79 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:56am

    I like when a girl calls it her monkey

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 6, 10 at 12:47am

    Ew.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:25am

    How the hell does that even work?

  • 78 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:14pm

    I will play that game with you... :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:27am

    Greatest text message ever. I think I may be in love...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:01am

    @2:56 ur a sick fuck. That's not even remotely funny u twisted sack of shit.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:57pm

    ...about the Jesus saves thing.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:50am

    ewww skank! no one says shit like this...wtf

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:06am

    Can I just say I agree with everyone from 12:01 #2 down?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 4:15am

    3:29 ive tried that and hit my middle back

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:23pm

    10:12 not everyone is turned on by their dick goin in and out of another mans ass well givin him a reach around. So you do what you want with other men the rest of us without mental disorders will do what we do with women. Ps womens bodies are beutiful especially their pussy's

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 6:03am

    Probably sent in by someone hoping to get on this site. It's not often you hear anybody talk like this as dirty talk. At least sound believable.

  • 66 82
    Submitted by PrivateprawR on Feb 25, 11 at 2:38am

    I thought this was hilarious!! But hey that's my type of humor.. Having lots of guy friends may do that to ya lol ps: doesn't make u a whore to joke around ;)

  • 72 94
    Submitted by SilkyJohnson on Jul 7, 10 at 12:10am

    too bad they dont have an "amazing night" button

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 24, 10 at 6:07am

    Only in 630...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:16pm

    I don't want to be one of the assholes who call out fake, but fake. Even the biggest whore knows better marketing than calling it a "vag." Sheesh.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:15pm

    What... the fuck. I think I agree with 11:13

  • 71 94
    Submitted by argmebeapirate on Feb 9, 11 at 9:35pm

    Yea that would fucking Hurt having a giant hippo pussy chewing on my cock.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:19am

    If a girl said that to me it would probably be a turnn off or she is just really fat and thinks of herself as a hippo

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:53am

    A real lady at least says kitty cat

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:50pm

    And 10:42 me too!! Hahahhaa

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 4, 10 at 9:06pm

    Slut

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 27, 10 at 1:28am

    Lucky

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 7:29am

    My tongue wants to play lick da hiny with your dookie scissor. Rimjob John

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:27am

    Hey 3:15, please swallow a knife. Thank you.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:54pm

    This chick sounds fun

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:01pm

    that is the worst game to reference sex to.... ever!! i would never say this to a guy, bf or not, i would have more class, or at least i'd think of something more witty and not gross!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:35am

    Worst. Mental. Image. Ever.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 24, 10 at 12:55am

    Barf duuuuuuuuude.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:50pm

    Hell yea 630. Big money!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 9, 10 at 5:29pm

    This is terrifying.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:40am

    Said the fat girl to the asain

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:57pm

    10:49 why you posting that?

  • 58 78
    Submitted by whitechapelgrin on May 16, 11 at 3:02pm

    This reminds me of the movie Teeth...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 8:28pm

    Dear god that's hilArious

  • 58 80
    Submitted by blackbird17 on Jul 28, 10 at 2:17am

    You have a fat hungry vag? That's definitely gonna turn him on....

  • Submitted by bretarded on Mar 17, 10 at 4:14am

    shelby?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 1:32am

    Ashamed to have the same area code *shakes head*

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 4, 10 at 4:58pm

    I'm in love!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 7:14am

    My dick wants to play a game of "oops, wrong hole" with your ass -sleezy lee

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:03am

    why anyone would want to have sex with a girl is beyond me. I mean seriously, why would you put your dick in something that looks like ham?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 11:49pm

    11:41 wins post of the night. Your pal, Astin Davis

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 11, 10 at 5:50pm

    Her vag is the size of a hippo?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 10:53am

    This may have been said above in one of the replies but I didn't sit and read them all. Toward the beginning I saw some messages saying "fake, girls don't talk like this" and let me tell you, even though this text is totally stupid, YES, GIRLS TALK LIKE THIS.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 3:15am

    You nasty cunting whore! Have some self respect. If your mouth is that filthy, I can't imagine how vile your vagina is. Go rent a fire truck and shove it's hose up your gaping cunt, and turn the water on, full blast, maybe you can get rid of 10% of the grime infestation. Fuck you're nasty!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 6, 10 at 10:24pm

    Damn, that makes me horny :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 24, 10 at 8:04pm

    Greatest most epic words ever spoken fa sure

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 9:33am

    This has got to be one of the worst mental images I have ever encountered...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 7, 10 at 12:21am

    I Hope your gaping vaginatumus likes to eat herpes and the clap!