Texts From Last Night · ImFckngMattDamon's Favorites

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ImFckngMattDamon's Favorites Texts:

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.

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(850): View more from Florida

Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.

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(207): View more from Maine

I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.

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(229): View more from Georgia

She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.

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(+61): View more from Australia

That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.

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