Texts From Last Night

brownthug's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests. http://tfl.nu/dptn
  Replies (9) Good night (3813) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there. http://tfl.nu/xmpv
  Replies (8) Good night (7244) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking. http://tfl.nu/jryu
  Replies (25) Good night (5649) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4072) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk
  Replies (7) Good night (2611) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero. http://tfl.nu/osga
  Replies (5) Good night (3155) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport http://tfl.nu/iu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (4955) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off http://tfl.nu/qflt
  Replies (10) Good night (3052) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating. http://tfl.nu/jmu1
  Replies (4) Good night (2865) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor." http://tfl.nu/jk5x
  Replies (9) Good night (2923) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours. http://tfl.nu/p1m2
  Replies (13) Good night (2430) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx. http://tfl.nu/t703
  Replies (21) Good night (3162) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57734) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/6syz
  Replies (12) Good night (2433) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel. http://tfl.nu/lqer
  Replies (9) Good night (2725) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2605) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome http://tfl.nu/nygq
  Replies (10) Good night (3598) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (2834) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj
  Replies (15) Good night (5128) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism http://tfl.nu/00o3
  Replies (4) Good night (2562) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car. http://tfl.nu/8ezv
  Replies (9) Good night (1660) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday http://tfl.nu/kg71
  Replies (8) Good night (2342) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1
  Replies (8) Good night (3354) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week? http://tfl.nu/361o
  Replies (12) Good night (3701) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (573) Bad night (3535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner. http://tfl.nu/dvnd
  Replies (13) Good night (3979) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride http://tfl.nu/xs6r
  Replies (9) Good night (2979) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day http://tfl.nu/ht8i
  Replies (14) Good night (2511) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable http://tfl.nu/jd9a
  Replies (12) Good night (6742) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0
  Replies (6) Good night (2590) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now. http://tfl.nu/w3yg
  Replies (7) Good night (4004) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real http://tfl.nu/tylh
  Replies (5) Good night (3681) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy. http://tfl.nu/1qel
  Replies (20) Good night (5642) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. you cant fuck a burger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325
  Replies (9) Good night (2306) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify. http://tfl.nu/zod7
  Replies (5) Good night (3865) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm
  Replies (13) Good night (3350) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
  Replies (19) Good night (6044) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober" http://tfl.nu/gqaj
  Replies (9) Good night (6882) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time http://tfl.nu/gadq
  Replies (20) Good night (6265) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative http://tfl.nu/aljj
  Replies (6) Good night (5057) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (5818) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u
  Replies (6) Good night (2507) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (28) Good night (6349) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5561) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (11) Good night (4507) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  she fell through a window trying to flash someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): she fell through a window trying to flash someone http://tfl.nu/c9dp
  Replies (11) Good night (4018) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that. http://tfl.nu/ceu5
  Replies (24) Good night (4033) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/18uj
  Replies (4) Good night (3081) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (8) Good night (4679) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine http://tfl.nu/h16d
  Replies (15) Good night (3160) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all. http://tfl.nu/5q9i
  Replies (10) Good night (4817) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j
  Replies (6) Good night (2807) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl? http://tfl.nu/v0ft
  Replies (10) Good night (4750) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe
  Replies (21) Good night (7863) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5249) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight". http://tfl.nu/suji
  Replies (5) Good night (3827) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i think that dennys waitress has my boxers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i think that dennys waitress has my boxers http://tfl.nu/oyrc
  Replies (15) Good night (3175) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this. http://tfl.nu/g4cn
  Replies (8) Good night (4096) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important. http://tfl.nu/a970
  Replies (7) Good night (3866) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance http://tfl.nu/4kjn
  Replies (3) Good night (3369) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference... http://tfl.nu/jx5w
  Replies (13) Good night (6793) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7241) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7431) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it. http://tfl.nu/bg9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5794) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them" http://tfl.nu/9mkz
  Replies (3) Good night (2526) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (094): View more from

  After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (094): After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while. http://tfl.nu/x4in
  Replies (3) Good night (2538) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours? http://tfl.nu/3112
  Replies (2) Good night (3075) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273
  Replies (3) Good night (3416) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a
  Replies (7) Good night (3297) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount! http://tfl.nu/fchz
  Replies (7) Good night (8441) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter. http://tfl.nu/55jx
  Replies (4) Good night (2775) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back. http://tfl.nu/kpg0
  Replies (20) Good night (10824) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk http://tfl.nu/jram
  Replies (6) Good night (4847) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you. http://tfl.nu/pes1
  Replies (7) Good night (2609) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (20) Good night (13832) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (3780) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving http://tfl.nu/jxug
  Replies (6) Good night (3137) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program. http://tfl.nu/l90z
  Replies (12) Good night (3157) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (11815) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (15) Good night (8628) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (10949) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (5928) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (15) Good night (10304) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan http://tfl.nu/pxmf
  Replies (15) Good night (2253) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4549) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7
  Replies (17) Good night (6158) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up http://tfl.nu/h8cl
  Replies (14) Good night (5036) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success. http://tfl.nu/klpq
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53891) Bad night (4171)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68082) Bad night (1684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/viom
  Replies (25) Good night (7297) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far http://tfl.nu/58dc
  Replies (11) Good night (5358) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair? http://tfl.nu/daid
  Replies (30) Good night (10220) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Howd you meet this guy?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Howd you meet this guy? (612): I found him next to my pants on sunday morn. http://tfl.nu/y9t4
  Replies (6) Good night (5069) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone http://tfl.nu/s959
  Replies (12) Good night (5510) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (13922) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick http://tfl.nu/2mmx
  Replies (6) Good night (3367) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it. http://tfl.nu/o1jt
  Replies (8) Good night (3699) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13822) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome' http://tfl.nu/u586
  Replies (17) Good night (4311) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were. http://tfl.nu/skxs
  Replies (5) Good night (4986) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18674) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas. http://tfl.nu/jpxs
  Replies (12) Good night (5922) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i want to swaddle you in tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i want to swaddle you in tequila http://tfl.nu/ks6c
  Replies (4) Good night (2415) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (3653) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick http://tfl.nu/j5fw
  Replies (22) Good night (5276) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10692) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (10955) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first http://tfl.nu/v8bw
  Replies (11) Good night (4310) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (6855) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time http://tfl.nu/icsx
  Replies (15) Good night (3675) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry. http://tfl.nu/4osi
  Replies (9) Good night (4293) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
  Replies (13) Good night (5101) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/eowy
  Replies (17) Good night (6378) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs. http://tfl.nu/36r0
  Replies (10) Good night (3765) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it. http://tfl.nu/3d6t
  Replies (14) Good night (4186) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more? http://tfl.nu/6zzu
  Replies (6) Good night (2918) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school http://tfl.nu/0e3h
  Replies (10) Good night (4127) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans. http://tfl.nu/11hu
  Replies (14) Good night (5739) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things. http://tfl.nu/gsnh
  Replies (10) Good night (3530) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand... http://tfl.nu/rby4
  Replies (7) Good night (3030) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5341) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet? http://tfl.nu/ki3z
  Replies (5) Good night (4293) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10 http://tfl.nu/1xln
  Replies (13) Good night (6585) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7826) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (23) Good night (6331) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night. http://tfl.nu/91du
  Replies (49) Good night (7394) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8167) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center http://tfl.nu/9ea5
  Replies (14) Good night (4936) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower http://tfl.nu/ihik
  Replies (17) Good night (6761) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck http://tfl.nu/jjii
  Replies (14) Good night (3516) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5378) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this... http://tfl.nu/un0n
  Replies (20) Good night (6115) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?" http://tfl.nu/quj5
  Replies (15) Good night (6913) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e
  Replies (2) Good night (2713) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6070) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no http://tfl.nu/k1du
  Replies (1) Good night (3084) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles http://tfl.nu/bowu
  Replies (9) Good night (4011) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
  Replies (17) Good night (4982) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (14) Good night (4897) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed http://tfl.nu/1voz
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (4379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?

  (818): View more from California

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night? (818): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/ps95
  Replies (9) Good night (4715) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2149) Bad night (12679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time. http://tfl.nu/ujel
  Replies (10) Good night (5430) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident. http://tfl.nu/j6a8
  Replies (6) Good night (4176) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (4808) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight. http://tfl.nu/z22w
  Replies (5) Good night (6526) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (5724) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa... http://tfl.nu/k3oe
  Replies (29) Good night (4983) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (19) Good night (8864) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity http://tfl.nu/pmac
  Replies (6) Good night (2868) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older. http://tfl.nu/u48g
  Replies (3) Good night (4853) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments http://tfl.nu/8aia
  Replies (9) Good night (3997) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/q1ic
  Replies (27) Good night (4807) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8304) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4499) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno http://tfl.nu/ajny
  Replies (12) Good night (3540) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7348) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon http://tfl.nu/vuj3
  Replies (10) Good night (4348) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli
  Replies (14) Good night (5086) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/o1ww
  Replies (11) Good night (5426) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it... http://tfl.nu/ne4c
  Replies (10) Good night (4316) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means. http://tfl.nu/u00p
  Replies (7) Good night (3484) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10313) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake" http://tfl.nu/m7yz
  Replies (11) Good night (2917) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9228) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16405) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  We can grow old together and our livers can fail together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): We can grow old together and our livers can fail together http://tfl.nu/ku07
  Replies (9) Good night (4085) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2
  Replies (25) Good night (9128) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How drunk are you??

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm flawless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How drunk are you?? (732): I'm flawless. http://tfl.nu/mygo
  Replies (8) Good night (1855) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (46) Good night (6127) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23019) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (9876) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2
  Replies (13) Good night (5582) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s
  Replies (22) Good night (7732) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3810) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26315) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8177) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (115) Good night (3841) Bad night (34474)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6129) Bad night (39380)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7005) Bad night (46805)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6501) Bad night (70115)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5419) Bad night (77569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (76) Good night (14647) Bad night (2372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (13) Good night (6181) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (5762) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4486) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (3717) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is. http://tfl.nu/56s9
  Replies (83) Good night (9047) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry. http://tfl.nu/kkw8
  Replies (7) Good night (3545) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle? http://tfl.nu/8gva
  Replies (47) Good night (4782) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log. http://tfl.nu/ft0h
  Replies (46) Good night (14502) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week. http://tfl.nu/twaw
  Replies (44) Good night (5001) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5515) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6658) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62612) Bad night (2941)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62650) Bad night (3533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (177) Good night (34588) Bad night (4454)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38056) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40206) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41828) Bad night (1185)