Texts From Last Night

polacke's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short http://tfl.nu/ro22
  Replies (3) Good night (498) Bad night (128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life. http://tfl.nu/0xlf
  Replies (9) Good night (1098) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult." http://tfl.nu/mdv1
  Replies (4) Good night (829) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me. http://tfl.nu/b8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (132)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off. http://tfl.nu/yele
  Replies (17) Good night (2749) Bad night (175)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad. http://tfl.nu/iebd
  Replies (10) Good night (1635) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard? http://tfl.nu/770q
  Replies (15) Good night (664) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/7teg
  Replies (8) Good night (281) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/2yid
  Replies (8) Good night (189) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I can't wait to read your obituary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her. (507): I can't wait to read your obituary. http://tfl.nu/uin6
  Replies (4) Good night (1009) Bad night (168)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer. (770): Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand. http://tfl.nu/1fds
  Replies (7) Good night (747) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hamster emergency. Can u come in here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Hamster emergency. Can u come in here http://tfl.nu/n98l
  Replies (7) Good night (282) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup" http://tfl.nu/blqz
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors. http://tfl.nu/7kjk
  Replies (11) Good night (877) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk
  Replies (16) Good night (2219) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed. http://tfl.nu/lxpv
  Replies (10) Good night (655) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home. (1-720): I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that. http://tfl.nu/5b3q
  Replies (23) Good night (1509) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet http://tfl.nu/kwah
  Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work. http://tfl.nu/3b5u
  Replies (8) Good night (1425) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land http://tfl.nu/d4a5
  Replies (10) Good night (1070) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend. http://tfl.nu/wf6o
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog." http://tfl.nu/q8wu
  Replies (8) Good night (273) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing. (1-317): As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you. http://tfl.nu/0owh
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them http://tfl.nu/tyvr
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis. http://tfl.nu/x9yx
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"? http://tfl.nu/v4r0
  Replies (5) Good night (201) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper http://tfl.nu/1q8k
  Replies (8) Good night (419) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory." http://tfl.nu/0nol
  Replies (7) Good night (2237) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (463): View more from

  I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (463): I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file. http://tfl.nu/era2
  Replies (8) Good night (536) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF. http://tfl.nu/3w9f
  Replies (12) Good night (1325) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens. http://tfl.nu/3z5p
  Replies (6) Good night (1146) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life. http://tfl.nu/bwnh
  Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me... http://tfl.nu/0ufz
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have major gossip for you.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh no, did you have sex last night?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I have major gossip for you. (1-570): Oh no, did you have sex last night? (570): If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited. http://tfl.nu/1upd
  Replies (8) Good night (1261) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese. (404): My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe. http://tfl.nu/muox
  Replies (15) Good night (2658) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/27ii
  Replies (23) Good night (1875) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say http://tfl.nu/mu9a
  Replies (13) Good night (362) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells http://tfl.nu/uff7
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans (503): Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants. http://tfl.nu/h1iw
  Replies (7) Good night (1212) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.

  (936): View more from Texas

  You are the coolest girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us. (936): You are the coolest girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/hjex
  Replies (4) Good night (1485) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"... http://tfl.nu/bw0v
  Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space. http://tfl.nu/f94k
  Replies (11) Good night (703) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot. http://tfl.nu/25dg
  Replies (9) Good night (851) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet. http://tfl.nu/qbs8
  Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

  (301): View more from Maryland

  That wasn't a compliment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal." (301): That wasn't a compliment. http://tfl.nu/gg7a
  Replies (14) Good night (507) Bad night (1957)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls. http://tfl.nu/zc4i
  Replies (6) Good night (860) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream http://tfl.nu/zdot
  Replies (9) Good night (413) Bad night (1248)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West. http://tfl.nu/935n
  Replies (6) Good night (1033) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/g03h
  Replies (13) Good night (3653) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight http://tfl.nu/n5g0
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up. http://tfl.nu/hq93
  Replies (16) Good night (1355) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ? http://tfl.nu/41ep
  Replies (7) Good night (852) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels. http://tfl.nu/fhyu
  Replies (7) Good night (338) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  I'll uninvite my mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis. (1-989): I'll uninvite my mom http://tfl.nu/cezv
  Replies (5) Good night (1411) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment. http://tfl.nu/opoe
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  So... He's a barber?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part. (312): So... He's a barber? (847): No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it? http://tfl.nu/hrcs
  Replies (1) Good night (1253) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/kvrj
  Replies (13) Good night (1251) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick. http://tfl.nu/h7vg
  Replies (13) Good night (2412) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me http://tfl.nu/ce08
  Replies (5) Good night (485) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete http://tfl.nu/uf35
  Replies (4) Good night (952) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians. http://tfl.nu/6owi
  Replies (9) Good night (706) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf (615): Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?! http://tfl.nu/9d33
  Replies (9) Good night (560) Bad night (1678)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/j4m5
  Replies (19) Good night (2570) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters? http://tfl.nu/gcgg
  Replies (10) Good night (404) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m
  Replies (10) Good night (3011) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8
  Replies (16) Good night (998) Bad night (2228)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole" http://tfl.nu/3q74
  Replies (21) Good night (467) Bad night (1856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather. http://tfl.nu/lq1l
  Replies (10) Good night (1107) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.

  (210): View more from Texas

  my parents really loved me back then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed. (210): my parents really loved me back then. http://tfl.nu/7xue
  Replies (9) Good night (1208) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day http://tfl.nu/2xr8
  Replies (5) Good night (1093) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again? http://tfl.nu/uf7o
  Replies (5) Good night (351) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by" http://tfl.nu/24bz
  Replies (14) Good night (308) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I think a kid would responsible me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I think a kid would responsible me up http://tfl.nu/vbco
  Replies (16) Good night (419) Bad night (1786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't. http://tfl.nu/3nap
  Replies (3) Good night (1508) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out. http://tfl.nu/697e
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/fwy9
  Replies (7) Good night (522) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine http://tfl.nu/wwy9
  Replies (13) Good night (471) Bad night (1612)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you. http://tfl.nu/z19y
  Replies (5) Good night (1351) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it. http://tfl.nu/gm4t
  Replies (2) Good night (1329) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
  Replies (15) Good night (1385) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal http://tfl.nu/qt14
  Replies (6) Good night (1685) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted?? http://tfl.nu/5rk7
  Replies (7) Good night (1757) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles" http://tfl.nu/ewys
  Replies (7) Good night (1242) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors" http://tfl.nu/9vvt
  Replies (4) Good night (488) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me. http://tfl.nu/jjop
  Replies (9) Good night (1834) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want. http://tfl.nu/d7n8
  Replies (4) Good night (1355) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf? http://tfl.nu/6kzv
  Replies (6) Good night (1197) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch. http://tfl.nu/hfll
  Replies (6) Good night (706) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0
  Replies (28) Good night (2817) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur. http://tfl.nu/hsyp
  Replies (7) Good night (531) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/2uzh
  Replies (7) Good night (356) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth http://tfl.nu/07bl
  Replies (3) Good night (1322) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot. http://tfl.nu/rrmy
  Replies (6) Good night (1335) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me?? http://tfl.nu/2sh7
  Replies (6) Good night (1661) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk? http://tfl.nu/c8sl
  Replies (24) Good night (2243) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on http://tfl.nu/0ff0
  Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out. http://tfl.nu/tebu
  Replies (11) Good night (1362) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans

  (530): View more from California

  You've been usurped as King of the Gays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans (530): You've been usurped as King of the Gays http://tfl.nu/3bmd
  Replies (19) Good night (1700) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  I hope you fall on your chin.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Jealousy makes you ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw
  Replies (14) Good night (2537) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you? http://tfl.nu/qb3x
  Replies (26) Good night (690) Bad night (2268)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another. http://tfl.nu/986r
  Replies (6) Good night (355) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money http://tfl.nu/gvry
  Replies (6) Good night (1528) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why http://tfl.nu/b6q6
  Replies (10) Good night (796) Bad night (2498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (1923) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/p92h
  Replies (17) Good night (2510) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws
  Replies (24) Good night (2722) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude. http://tfl.nu/8276
  Replies (6) Good night (1596) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/3pug
  Replies (11) Good night (2078) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century. http://tfl.nu/3h7h
  Replies (18) Good night (611) Bad night (2901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/8xfg
  Replies (8) Good night (1998) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night... http://tfl.nu/707e
  Replies (15) Good night (3136) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last http://tfl.nu/j9db
  Replies (21) Good night (626) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's like the whiskey god was watching over you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id. (702): It's like the whiskey god was watching over you http://tfl.nu/wgp4
  Replies (7) Good night (3181) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

  (916): View more from California

  Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

  (415): View more from California

  HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002. (916): Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening. (415): HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone. http://tfl.nu/fe9v
  Replies (15) Good night (1658) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/j3fg
  Replies (11) Good night (2087) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names. http://tfl.nu/kef5
  Replies (7) Good night (1653) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey http://tfl.nu/jy2i
  Replies (9) Good night (1562) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  U took a sewing needle to his nipple

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Psshh,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): U took a sewing needle to his nipple (1-201): Psshh, http://tfl.nu/q54n
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married? http://tfl.nu/a2v4
  Replies (9) Good night (3416) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding. http://tfl.nu/ofow
  Replies (16) Good night (2258) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever. http://tfl.nu/tgjb
  Replies (5) Good night (1129) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Can I have him when you're done?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding (541): Can I have him when you're done? http://tfl.nu/4y2y
  Replies (14) Good night (3682) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3133) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/cws8
  Replies (23) Good night (708) Bad night (2987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay http://tfl.nu/zswj
  Replies (15) Good night (1388) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1
  Replies (14) Good night (2630) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (9) Good night (2156) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
  Replies (10) Good night (849) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp
  Replies (7) Good night (1254) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5
  Replies (17) Good night (2094) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b
  Replies (24) Good night (1411) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today. http://tfl.nu/u9so
  Replies (37) Good night (1099) Bad night (2754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up. http://tfl.nu/5qka
  Replies (14) Good night (1884) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
  Replies (22) Good night (5085) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper http://tfl.nu/eza0
  Replies (13) Good night (456) Bad night (1932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up http://tfl.nu/l4k9
  Replies (6) Good night (616) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy. (1-301): I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok. http://tfl.nu/z40b
  Replies (16) Good night (2782) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too. http://tfl.nu/xu8j
  Replies (15) Good night (507) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married http://tfl.nu/yr2i
  Replies (6) Good night (662) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.

  (209): View more from California

  And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012. (209): And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/yl8f
  Replies (15) Good night (1678) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years http://tfl.nu/kz81
  Replies (24) Good night (987) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Please tell me you're talking about his personality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year. (917): Please tell me you're talking about his personality. http://tfl.nu/ofhy
  Replies (7) Good night (2007) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv... http://tfl.nu/8bd5
  Replies (12) Good night (723) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang http://tfl.nu/dtxk
  Replies (20) Good night (1812) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9270) Bad night (3171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway. http://tfl.nu/fbtk
  Replies (13) Good night (3333) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

  (516): View more from New York

  .org?

  (631): View more from New York

  yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org (516): .org? (631): yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night. http://tfl.nu/4hpr
  Replies (8) Good night (2698) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed. http://tfl.nu/a2ab
  Replies (2) Good night (714) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage. http://tfl.nu/zawq
  Replies (10) Good night (2325) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you. http://tfl.nu/i3nm
  Replies (4) Good night (1472) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3154) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win? http://tfl.nu/uubh
  Replies (11) Good night (2162) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing". http://tfl.nu/0ckl
  Replies (17) Good night (6428) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud! http://tfl.nu/toc7
  Replies (7) Good night (3957) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht
  Replies (9) Good night (3222) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay http://tfl.nu/vfh5
  Replies (13) Good night (879) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5000) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want. http://tfl.nu/h1r5
  Replies (5) Good night (479) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her? http://tfl.nu/5dev
  Replies (18) Good night (2895) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already. http://tfl.nu/06li
  Replies (9) Good night (2295) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (681): Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most. http://tfl.nu/7o83
  Replies (12) Good night (2007) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless. http://tfl.nu/zvko
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok
  Replies (14) Good night (2781) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand http://tfl.nu/zcon
  Replies (17) Good night (3678) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self http://tfl.nu/ea7y
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary. http://tfl.nu/ps0w
  Replies (6) Good night (1356) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW. http://tfl.nu/b38y
  Replies (16) Good night (2565) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Jealous?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Very.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits. (254): Jealous? (903): Very. http://tfl.nu/i9gx
  Replies (8) Good night (2343) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs. http://tfl.nu/e8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (1855) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26. http://tfl.nu/98vv
  Replies (22) Good night (2135) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways... http://tfl.nu/6fzc
  Replies (8) Good night (1878) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie? http://tfl.nu/kg1j
  Replies (26) Good night (853) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2172) Bad night (4367)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship http://tfl.nu/e8ub
  Replies (5) Good night (1902) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving? http://tfl.nu/o7j4
  Replies (10) Good night (4201) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks. http://tfl.nu/kgtb
  Replies (12) Good night (2861) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts? http://tfl.nu/1g9l
  Replies (16) Good night (2745) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  True on all accounts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me. (1-702): True on all accounts. http://tfl.nu/tt9s
  Replies (13) Good night (3369) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (3934) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress. http://tfl.nu/zjlr
  Replies (7) Good night (2451) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird http://tfl.nu/f8av
  Replies (14) Good night (1859) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt