Texts From Last Night

thiinkviintage92's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (4988) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6576) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life. http://tfl.nu/6m4u
  Replies (10) Good night (2270) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa http://tfl.nu/9onc
  Replies (12) Good night (1874) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year. http://tfl.nu/169q
  Replies (9) Good night (2727) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b
  Replies (6) Good night (1532) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago http://tfl.nu/ycpd
  Replies (4) Good night (1885) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits http://tfl.nu/ppej
  Replies (37) Good night (5745) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship? http://tfl.nu/9ufc
  Replies (12) Good night (3776) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is http://tfl.nu/r4l9
  Replies (9) Good night (4186) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Hello cirrhosis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute (1-210): Hello cirrhosis http://tfl.nu/bpcm
  Replies (11) Good night (1102) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (20) Good night (3308) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959
  Replies (14) Good night (4551) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right? http://tfl.nu/00h0
  Replies (12) Good night (3083) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head. http://tfl.nu/n0gh
  Replies (33) Good night (1134) Bad night (2739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You don't understand. I'm not like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count (1-609): You don't understand. I'm not like you. http://tfl.nu/ja4i
  Replies (25) Good night (2358) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that. http://tfl.nu/f0c3
  Replies (24) Good night (2850) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise. http://tfl.nu/o61x
  Replies (32) Good night (5360) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11476) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (3819) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/614c
  Replies (10) Good night (3936) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him? http://tfl.nu/47cq
  Replies (9) Good night (3070) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat. http://tfl.nu/jbsx
  Replies (62) Good night (9756) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5558) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr
  Replies (4) Good night (3736) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): ur plase or mine? lol (1-908): well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine. http://tfl.nu/rmr0
  Replies (12) Good night (1105) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Lets date for the summer

  (815): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Dont love me in September.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Lets date for the summer (815): what? (480): Dont love me in September. http://tfl.nu/x30e
  Replies (8) Good night (2076) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
  Replies (8) Good night (4997) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (45009) Bad night (3407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (111) Good night (50738) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  tweet Hawks Win!! tweet

  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's how twitter works, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): tweet Hawks Win!! tweet (847): That's how twitter works, right? http://tfl.nu/21xu
  Replies (12) Good night (1478) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (6062) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (17) Good night (1740) Bad night (6475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67
  Replies (33) Good night (6092) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative http://tfl.nu/aljj
  Replies (6) Good night (5289) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time. http://tfl.nu/x351
  Replies (6) Good night (2031) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people. http://tfl.nu/8ypc
  Replies (2) Good night (1095) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3527) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9920) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (13) Good night (5245) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day http://tfl.nu/h495
  Replies (29) Good night (6470) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6211) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3686) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right? http://tfl.nu/7voc
  Replies (31) Good night (3738) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (10212) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8734) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8782) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special http://tfl.nu/g9sh
  Replies (11) Good night (5719) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand http://tfl.nu/wt71
  Replies (35) Good night (4115) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3417) Bad night (12212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
  Replies (43) Good night (961) Bad night (7729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier. http://tfl.nu/kkf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1801) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends http://tfl.nu/xej0
  Replies (99) Good night (2741) Bad night (5667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2513) Bad night (11900)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs
  Replies (15) Good night (4576) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (7029) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka. http://tfl.nu/p7s5
  Replies (4) Good night (5163) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5770) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I want to kish your cheek

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My cheeks are in Michigan

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I want to kish your cheek (248): My cheeks are in Michigan (301): Oh my lips are kind of stretchy http://tfl.nu/4fba
  Replies (4) Good night (1801) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds. http://tfl.nu/2lul
  Replies (42) Good night (1768) Bad night (6470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
  Replies (32) Good night (6005) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1738) Bad night (10763)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. http://tfl.nu/ur25
  Replies (16) Good night (9998) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with. http://tfl.nu/f7yk
  Replies (11) Good night (5872) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/w8wo
  Replies (18) Good night (5337) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (180) Good night (1968) Bad night (28283)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  this is your brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;) (1-978): this is your brother http://tfl.nu/l4xz
  Replies (63) Good night (1085) Bad night (14134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (6258) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17839) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5196) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2489) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (28) Good night (6035) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream? http://tfl.nu/farl
  Replies (21) Good night (6374) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1775) Bad night (6582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday." http://tfl.nu/kc3i
  Replies (31) Good night (5127) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65502) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65566) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80311) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66812) Bad night (3032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa
  Replies (33) Good night (4396) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees http://tfl.nu/gf2k
  Replies (19) Good night (4810) Bad night (2589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships. http://tfl.nu/wu4m
  Replies (33) Good night (4277) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17895) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer. http://tfl.nu/r6k4
  Replies (17) Good night (551) Bad night (6931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  You shut your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy (1-313): You shut your mouth http://tfl.nu/xp5b
  Replies (34) Good night (1340) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4985) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out. http://tfl.nu/5bm3
  Replies (65) Good night (1565) Bad night (3692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover? http://tfl.nu/ok2o
  Replies (13) Good night (7992) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7999) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time. http://tfl.nu/ujel
  Replies (10) Good night (5652) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2847) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies? http://tfl.nu/c806
  Replies (6) Good night (3053) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb. http://tfl.nu/thcm
  Replies (6) Good night (5291) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2210) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house http://tfl.nu/fhfx
  Replies (17) Good night (3890) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l
  Replies (31) Good night (7855) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8526) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a beautiful day for a hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's a beautiful day for a hangover http://tfl.nu/x1e7
  Replies (32) Good night (4354) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex? http://tfl.nu/9pxt
  Replies (11) Good night (4989) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

  (213): View more from California

  so that means christmas in space?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop (213): so that means christmas in space? (781): imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi http://tfl.nu/5ssx
  Replies (14) Good night (6867) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne. http://tfl.nu/lh1l
  Replies (14) Good night (958) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too. http://tfl.nu/d0fo
  Replies (24) Good night (7466) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5551) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3628) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This show inspires me to have sex in space

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This show inspires me to have sex in space http://tfl.nu/vmc9
  Replies (24) Good night (4075) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5973) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job http://tfl.nu/934s
  Replies (14) Good night (1546) Bad night (7102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8637) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/2ce1
  Replies (24) Good night (1860) Bad night (9583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news. http://tfl.nu/1uhd
  Replies (97) Good night (1505) Bad night (10281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (605) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8215) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (58) Good night (14645) Bad night (1499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11115) Bad night (2399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them... http://tfl.nu/ior4
  Replies (23) Good night (5211) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
  Replies (35) Good night (4381) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle. http://tfl.nu/v9v9
  Replies (4) Good night (3832) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM. http://tfl.nu/5j68
  Replies (19) Good night (4825) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (17161) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
  Replies (105) Good night (18862) Bad night (1610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19617) Bad night (1817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20840) Bad night (3596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (21490) Bad night (3013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt
  Replies (182) Good night (21112) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26941) Bad night (4311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (23051) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (61) Good night (26651) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (29671) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (33073) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28358) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32318) Bad night (1617)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (101) Good night (30574) Bad night (4740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38179) Bad night (1646)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (203) Good night (40070) Bad night (3217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51786) Bad night (5727)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43998) Bad night (2018)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (51392) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51795) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (77) Good night (51995) Bad night (2044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6458) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru http://tfl.nu/iwra
  Replies (10) Good night (4467) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (58) Good night (16219) Bad night (3400)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93622) Bad night (4625)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168557) Bad night (42239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8957) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed http://tfl.nu/wtld
  Replies (55) Good night (954) Bad night (6253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2
  Replies (7) Good night (3804) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling http://tfl.nu/a8k8
  Replies (18) Good night (2102) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz
  Replies (3) Good night (3478) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where. http://tfl.nu/my2r
  Replies (16) Good night (1315) Bad night (6659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy http://tfl.nu/fi9p
  Replies (12) Good night (5184) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles. http://tfl.nu/0i26
  Replies (13) Good night (3796) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (28) Good night (6705) Bad night (1672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5813) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict http://tfl.nu/am6o
  Replies (11) Good night (2341) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6330) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/lnzm
  Replies (8) Good night (1194) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb
  Replies (17) Good night (3870) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude you has no fucking this poptart

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont know to explain this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s
  Replies (35) Good night (6523) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
  Replies (16) Good night (4983) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms http://tfl.nu/vyht
  Replies (4) Good night (3762) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt