Texts From Last Night

Andr913's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please. (1-443): That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude. http://tfl.nu/3mvf
  Replies (18) Good night (907) Bad night (2515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  What's an angry pirate?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again. (712): What's an angry pirate? (702): You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/pzvl
  Replies (31) Good night (1041) Bad night (1484)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted. http://tfl.nu/tphx
  Replies (29) Good night (1046) Bad night (3654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is http://tfl.nu/bwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9243) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (10055) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died. http://tfl.nu/jcdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1357) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (13094) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (34) Good night (6820) Bad night (1741)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird." http://tfl.nu/0yzz
  Replies (9) Good night (694) Bad night (3105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose. http://tfl.nu/xxid
  Replies (6) Good night (781) Bad night (2469)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16436) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86210) Bad night (8428)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle. http://tfl.nu/5dkw
  Replies (11) Good night (1618) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her.. http://tfl.nu/uw6o
  Replies (5) Good night (2084) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete http://tfl.nu/3qb5
  Replies (9) Good night (2775) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper http://tfl.nu/z4y6
  Replies (28) Good night (5508) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Be still, my beating vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Be still, my beating vagina. http://tfl.nu/qyal
  Replies (22) Good night (4306) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9287) Bad night (3191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (15554) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3112) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  youre so sexy i want your bod

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude, did you turn gay?

  (949): View more from California

  heather?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  this is jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): youre so sexy i want your bod (410): dude, did you turn gay? (949): heather? (410): this is jacob http://tfl.nu/gn2b
  Replies (14) Good night (969) Bad night (1952)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical. (201): so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay http://tfl.nu/58z1
  Replies (7) Good night (1813) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz
  Replies (9) Good night (6113) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thanks, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway. (1-202): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/107n
  Replies (25) Good night (1722) Bad night (4323)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (740) Bad night (3743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit. http://tfl.nu/agun
  Replies (19) Good night (5692) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (13172) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20556) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (1962) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut. http://tfl.nu/c78l
  Replies (3) Good night (3853) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo
  Replies (7) Good night (2695) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull. http://tfl.nu/s2w2
  Replies (8) Good night (3414) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday http://tfl.nu/t4vj
  Replies (10) Good night (2912) Bad night (1445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad http://tfl.nu/hc4q
  Replies (9) Good night (3798) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6864) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (203) Good night (44796) Bad night (3935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dnld
  Replies (13) Good night (1186) Bad night (2863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
  Replies (13) Good night (4353) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta
  Replies (18) Good night (6987) Bad night (2060)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8696) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control. http://tfl.nu/bdi5
  Replies (15) Good night (1018) Bad night (3754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk http://tfl.nu/xwn2
  Replies (101) Good night (630) Bad night (14067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (2992) Bad night (15042)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes. http://tfl.nu/k74c
  Replies (75) Good night (844) Bad night (15263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my period, period, period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex (703): I'm on my period, period, period http://tfl.nu/vsrk
  Replies (72) Good night (1772) Bad night (15581)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (112) Good night (1083) Bad night (15954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me. http://tfl.nu/s0lh
  Replies (73) Good night (1140) Bad night (17418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  got weed?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

  (206): View more from Washington

  sorry mom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv
  Replies (157) Good night (2033) Bad night (17678)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  it wasn't lemon gatorade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): it wasn't lemon gatorade http://tfl.nu/yeyb
  Replies (22) Good night (1162) Bad night (17701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): period poops. best. ever. (925): omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that... http://tfl.nu/lwj4
  Replies (144) Good night (1728) Bad night (19168)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. http://tfl.nu/mkrc
  Replies (98) Good night (1142) Bad night (22059)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Your dad touched me again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Your dad touched me again. http://tfl.nu/syvf
  Replies (31) Good night (1981) Bad night (23659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2343) Bad night (23714)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...

  (623): View more from Arizona

  What did she do!?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I didn't tell her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her... (623): What did she do!? (602): I didn't tell her... http://tfl.nu/i351
  Replies (218) Good night (5132) Bad night (24307)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2312) Bad night (24129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1538) Bad night (25631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!! http://tfl.nu/b8q7
  Replies (46) Good night (1131) Bad night (25790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I got her a Nickelback box set.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I got her a Nickelback box set. http://tfl.nu/3u3u
  Replies (79) Good night (1647) Bad night (25935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23
  Replies (43) Good night (1253) Bad night (27969)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (180) Good night (1968) Bad night (28282)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. http://tfl.nu/mbm9
  Replies (210) Good night (4729) Bad night (28497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
  Replies (108) Good night (1218) Bad night (32344)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (128) Good night (1151) Bad night (34753)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4089) Bad night (68345)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21372) Bad night (3005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt
  Replies (182) Good night (21112) Bad night (2643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs. http://tfl.nu/67s4
  Replies (57) Good night (20775) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
  Replies (126) Good night (22991) Bad night (1617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24125) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (64) Good night (23904) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (91) Good night (24673) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26939) Bad night (4311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (27529) Bad night (3112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (26563) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31756) Bad night (2873)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36536) Bad night (5022)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (216) Good night (33672) Bad night (2247)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38178) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46518) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up. http://tfl.nu/onjv
  Replies (12) Good night (1353) Bad night (3979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Even my vagina gasped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Even my vagina gasped. http://tfl.nu/5sis
  Replies (15) Good night (5076) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they're like a gay fantastic four

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): they're like a gay fantastic four http://tfl.nu/6w8u
  Replies (15) Good night (2273) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate. http://tfl.nu/9f37
  Replies (6) Good night (3349) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (6826) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
  Replies (39) Good night (2063) Bad night (7181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  she fell through a window trying to flash someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): she fell through a window trying to flash someone http://tfl.nu/c9dp
  Replies (12) Good night (4340) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8zh1
  Replies (41) Good night (5747) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied. http://tfl.nu/g4t4
  Replies (8) Good night (3723) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh
  Replies (29) Good night (5699) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (904) Bad night (3985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13231) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1212) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5615) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5457) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5436) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me http://tfl.nu/lf37
  Replies (9) Good night (4293) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon. http://tfl.nu/pj69
  Replies (9) Good night (1123) Bad night (3327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): That's why they call him "the cheesegrater". http://tfl.nu/ctav
  Replies (6) Good night (741) Bad night (3532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all. http://tfl.nu/glyl
  Replies (27) Good night (4760) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1730) Bad night (8370)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating. http://tfl.nu/ajdd
  Replies (15) Good night (974) Bad night (3255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on . http://tfl.nu/rwb5
  Replies (9) Good night (1297) Bad night (3220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/7h8c
  Replies (13) Good night (1333) Bad night (5038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (6120) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob http://tfl.nu/xjl4
  Replies (24) Good night (4590) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks? http://tfl.nu/o217
  Replies (5) Good night (3169) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (30) Good night (7917) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6405) Bad night (79812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4574) Bad night (79678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59272) Bad night (7159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168549) Bad night (42239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173326) Bad night (6947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill? http://tfl.nu/844o
  Replies (14) Good night (3603) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job http://tfl.nu/ok5l
  Replies (26) Good night (1061) Bad night (5180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to http://tfl.nu/3nm2
  Replies (9) Good night (4889) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (1005) Bad night (5308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13072) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (13) Good night (5957) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7578) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4850) Bad night (101375)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1272) Bad night (12790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7576) Bad night (3699)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): im trying to catch a child molester. call you later. http://tfl.nu/dlxg
  Replies (21) Good night (5170) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (24091) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr
  Replies (30) Good night (7984) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (10257) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8660) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (1093) Bad night (6592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (14) Good night (1123) Bad night (7651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (21490) Bad night (3013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (9240) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (7852) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (1188) Bad night (17196)