Texts From Last Night

JHIatbragg89's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up. http://tfl.nu/dab6
  Replies (9) Good night (3319) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

  (315): View more from New York

  Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! (315): Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch. http://tfl.nu/yk91
  Replies (16) Good night (4073) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE http://tfl.nu/jqwa
  Replies (18) Good night (4008) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America. http://tfl.nu/w2zj
  Replies (19) Good night (4200) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wzbc
  Replies (4) Good night (3168) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9829) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (9111) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (31) Good night (8062) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer". http://tfl.nu/vh03
  Replies (7) Good night (4232) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex. http://tfl.nu/0t9p
  Replies (24) Good night (4999) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't. http://tfl.nu/8mv6
  Replies (13) Good night (4194) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (5053) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13. http://tfl.nu/mb7j
  Replies (13) Good night (8158) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142156) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16410) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you goin out tonight?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is this.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  your orgasm for tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you goin out tonight? (267): who is this. (302): your orgasm for tonight http://tfl.nu/bzdn
  Replies (12) Good night (4915) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (4103) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/bomc
  Replies (14) Good night (3920) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa http://tfl.nu/56cb
  Replies (23) Good night (7216) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (13) Good night (8184) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (12002) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high http://tfl.nu/hr6z
  Replies (9) Good night (2299) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
  Replies (20) Good night (5456) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing" http://tfl.nu/qoaq
  Replies (9) Good night (4169) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis http://tfl.nu/ji20
  Replies (4) Good night (1404) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9985) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor. http://tfl.nu/vpx7
  Replies (32) Good night (6168) Bad night (1964)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless. http://tfl.nu/ejtk
  Replies (18) Good night (3089) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson. http://tfl.nu/gvkr
  Replies (13) Good night (3192) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  the head trauma was worth the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): the head trauma was worth the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/e9mc
  Replies (12) Good night (2133) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend. http://tfl.nu/9xyn
  Replies (13) Good night (715) Bad night (2248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon http://tfl.nu/mcj5
  Replies (33) Good night (783) Bad night (6171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13710) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh
  Replies (71) Good night (16350) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out. http://tfl.nu/dz9m
  Replies (16) Good night (4498) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days http://tfl.nu/tlow
  Replies (25) Good night (5315) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (5184) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5392) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/zjjv
  Replies (7) Good night (1045) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (6925) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): he puts the penis in happiness. http://tfl.nu/m0tk
  Replies (29) Good night (4635) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it http://tfl.nu/8y6r
  Replies (10) Good night (2427) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?! http://tfl.nu/5bsv
  Replies (48) Good night (1437) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie" http://tfl.nu/2g0i
  Replies (11) Good night (688) Bad night (1467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week http://tfl.nu/00sr
  Replies (12) Good night (1178) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed http://tfl.nu/wx92
  Replies (4) Good night (2485) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (33) Good night (10958) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match http://tfl.nu/pm5g
  Replies (11) Good night (4214) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (8092) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5786) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (967) Bad night (5552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (22) Good night (1868) Bad night (2667)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass http://tfl.nu/s4so
  Replies (11) Good night (1684) Bad night (5001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3435) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown. (+44): before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN http://tfl.nu/72q0
  Replies (28) Good night (8448) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not. http://tfl.nu/y4k4
  Replies (12) Good night (2021) Bad night (5575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5997) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38064) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!'' http://tfl.nu/g7vx
  Replies (22) Good night (7006) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (94) Good night (7824) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles. http://tfl.nu/pu4v
  Replies (20) Good night (3528) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice. http://tfl.nu/9vs4
  Replies (9) Good night (2704) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (6824) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump? http://tfl.nu/1thl
  Replies (14) Good night (1196) Bad night (3250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover. http://tfl.nu/scdy
  Replies (6) Good night (3159) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud http://tfl.nu/qo9v
  Replies (10) Good night (3827) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e
  Replies (8) Good night (2238) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (11077) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall... http://tfl.nu/htpj
  Replies (17) Good night (6562) Bad night (1721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (5743) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9332) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7508) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame http://tfl.nu/9sw5
  Replies (9) Good night (4930) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly. http://tfl.nu/2xxy
  Replies (19) Good night (1851) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like. http://tfl.nu/4kjo
  Replies (13) Good night (4697) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  thats the international knock for joint time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell (901): thats the international knock for joint time http://tfl.nu/xbry
  Replies (7) Good night (4070) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it http://tfl.nu/mhur
  Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8761) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph
  Replies (259) Good night (4912) Bad night (4696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time. http://tfl.nu/hpfk
  Replies (38) Good night (5059) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I wish you could order shots online.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I wish you could order shots online. http://tfl.nu/guzz
  Replies (10) Good night (3988) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Haha how much did you smoke

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  4 feet of smokeee!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another? (609): Haha how much did you smoke (570): 4 feet of smokeee! http://tfl.nu/eyp0
  Replies (20) Good night (3396) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (7206) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  where are you

  (303): View more from Colorado

  in your bedroom

  (602): View more from Arizona

  how did you get in

  (303): View more from Colorado

  your wife…

  (602): View more from Arizona

  WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): where are you (303): in your bedroom (602): how did you get in (303): your wife… (602): WTF http://tfl.nu/cmfn
  Replies (6) Good night (978) Bad night (2070)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star. http://tfl.nu/4wpn
  Replies (27) Good night (2791) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
  Replies (18) Good night (3920) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo
  Replies (34) Good night (9120) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (51288) Bad night (3140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina. http://tfl.nu/o9qo
  Replies (8) Good night (3684) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (61980) Bad night (2276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6499) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction http://tfl.nu/gbpq
  Replies (18) Good night (751) Bad night (3132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13536) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me. http://tfl.nu/obxv
  Replies (38) Good night (5282) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer? http://tfl.nu/yj7n
  Replies (26) Good night (4488) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck! http://tfl.nu/jvh5
  Replies (8) Good night (1716) Bad night (4463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2502) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll. http://tfl.nu/r0xh
  Replies (18) Good night (829) Bad night (3503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now... http://tfl.nu/8b9i
  Replies (12) Good night (1586) Bad night (5899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy http://tfl.nu/pa3a
  Replies (32) Good night (2122) Bad night (3364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59126) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down. http://tfl.nu/o90m
  Replies (43) Good night (6097) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal. http://tfl.nu/ov2w
  Replies (61) Good night (825) Bad night (6403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc
  Replies (44) Good night (21036) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal? http://tfl.nu/1tlo
  Replies (13) Good night (3890) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up http://tfl.nu/bg0v
  Replies (52) Good night (552) Bad night (4816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26276) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64845) Bad night (2524)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Buhtt sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Buhtt sex? http://tfl.nu/zx30
  Replies (9) Good night (2388) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night. http://tfl.nu/pczq
  Replies (8) Good night (2093) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2832) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex? http://tfl.nu/g36z
  Replies (11) Good night (3454) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9169) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (36) Good night (8993) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (3922) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint? http://tfl.nu/8n36
  Replies (11) Good night (4306) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7611) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y
  Replies (52) Good night (1241) Bad night (6061)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants. http://tfl.nu/n5jd
  Replies (11) Good night (2046) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b
  Replies (56) Good night (1290) Bad night (2298)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open http://tfl.nu/9jy5
  Replies (18) Good night (4661) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen? http://tfl.nu/sbh1
  Replies (89) Good night (801) Bad night (12295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair http://tfl.nu/hci6
  Replies (9) Good night (1801) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (55) Good night (15892) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned. http://tfl.nu/x1yo
  Replies (6) Good night (1120) Bad night (2479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (7817) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3937) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest. http://tfl.nu/jvc2
  Replies (68) Good night (3159) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/47y4
  Replies (34) Good night (7755) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10965) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong http://tfl.nu/rvkg
  Replies (16) Good night (1469) Bad night (3545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6323) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS. http://tfl.nu/x0o9
  Replies (11) Good night (2975) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself. http://tfl.nu/agcx
  Replies (3) Good night (2111) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately. http://tfl.nu/s0gm
  Replies (25) Good night (791) Bad night (4290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51578) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (45983) Bad night (2486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (386) Good night (40797) Bad night (3882)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that http://tfl.nu/57uu
  Replies (6) Good night (4167) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5571) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5840) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet? http://tfl.nu/osm2
  Replies (3) Good night (3560) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday http://tfl.nu/ne1r
  Replies (42) Good night (2988) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career http://tfl.nu/7xqo
  Replies (18) Good night (1264) Bad night (3288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7899) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out http://tfl.nu/qumr
  Replies (16) Good night (4764) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...? http://tfl.nu/0j4d
  Replies (20) Good night (3251) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight. http://tfl.nu/6i3x
  Replies (13) Good night (4530) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (38418) Bad night (3073)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days. http://tfl.nu/v2o4
  Replies (18) Good night (5264) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut
  Replies (16) Good night (6035) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m
  Replies (21) Good night (4442) Bad night (1367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (6031) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt