Texts From Last Night

Mactastic's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex? http://tfl.nu/f6pa
  Replies (4) Good night (418) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies. http://tfl.nu/q44j
  Replies (3) Good night (622) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right? http://tfl.nu/c92i
  Replies (3) Good night (385) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT. http://tfl.nu/f3qw
  Replies (4) Good night (967) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  im in the post action - pre consequence stage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): im in the post action - pre consequence stage. http://tfl.nu/y2lc
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister http://tfl.nu/xlrp
  Replies (13) Good night (303) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment. http://tfl.nu/8gpy
  Replies (8) Good night (1942) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
  Replies (6) Good night (1317) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait! http://tfl.nu/9r4q
  Replies (10) Good night (2191) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina. http://tfl.nu/nx7q
  Replies (12) Good night (695) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons. http://tfl.nu/somr
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish http://tfl.nu/kpto
  Replies (10) Good night (876) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick." http://tfl.nu/sgnz
  Replies (13) Good night (661) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off? http://tfl.nu/5ghu
  Replies (3) Good night (1290) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex. http://tfl.nu/mg33
  Replies (8) Good night (2319) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color http://tfl.nu/2fci
  Replies (26) Good night (490) Bad night (1943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch" http://tfl.nu/gqk6
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword http://tfl.nu/z2rx
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing http://tfl.nu/hijc
  Replies (6) Good night (888) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President. http://tfl.nu/0joq
  Replies (13) Good night (1454) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/8ucr
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring. http://tfl.nu/d21p
  Replies (4) Good night (287) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW http://tfl.nu/0qym
  Replies (8) Good night (1246) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/avlt
  Replies (15) Good night (2374) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
  Replies (6) Good night (1341) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh
  Replies (10) Good night (503) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations. http://tfl.nu/tgs7
  Replies (9) Good night (1878) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar. http://tfl.nu/9hcy
  Replies (7) Good night (1950) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
  Replies (12) Good night (2500) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow http://tfl.nu/l8ph
  Replies (10) Good night (3794) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF! http://tfl.nu/xzr6
  Replies (13) Good night (1351) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth. http://tfl.nu/e5tu
  Replies (11) Good night (789) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Why is there a condom in the dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/a7l1
  Replies (20) Good night (650) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship. http://tfl.nu/wvbn
  Replies (15) Good night (376) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT. http://tfl.nu/ndey
  Replies (29) Good night (1922) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood. http://tfl.nu/bzvq
  Replies (8) Good night (1308) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom. http://tfl.nu/3sxn
  Replies (8) Good night (455) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Now back to adults eating hotdogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Now back to adults eating hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/i07d
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard. http://tfl.nu/ktvr
  Replies (17) Good night (1293) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night? http://tfl.nu/sddm
  Replies (17) Good night (497) Bad night (1495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else http://tfl.nu/gty0
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv
  Replies (9) Good night (2861) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan. http://tfl.nu/ggx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1391) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine. http://tfl.nu/f9af
  Replies (5) Good night (2373) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it. http://tfl.nu/e2co
  Replies (5) Good night (600) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/oaek
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever http://tfl.nu/r55b
  Replies (9) Good night (1197) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands. http://tfl.nu/2kp5
  Replies (20) Good night (675) Bad night (2530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sex in a tree stand. check.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you lucky bastard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sex in a tree stand. check. (765): you lucky bastard http://tfl.nu/avsw
  Replies (8) Good night (1757) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night. http://tfl.nu/0hqo
  Replies (4) Good night (1028) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say? http://tfl.nu/q9jp
  Replies (8) Good night (540) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy
  Replies (7) Good night (1440) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked. http://tfl.nu/8md6
  Replies (15) Good night (1100) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md
  Replies (19) Good night (2012) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us http://tfl.nu/7y99
  Replies (6) Good night (419) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass. http://tfl.nu/my94
  Replies (14) Good night (481) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox. http://tfl.nu/almc
  Replies (18) Good night (1823) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
  Replies (45) Good night (1647) Bad night (2889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet... http://tfl.nu/8m0e
  Replies (4) Good night (401) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner http://tfl.nu/ps9e
  Replies (7) Good night (389) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically" http://tfl.nu/yzem
  Replies (7) Good night (503) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game http://tfl.nu/gj5a
  Replies (16) Good night (1523) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer. http://tfl.nu/iky6
  Replies (22) Good night (2628) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT http://tfl.nu/rebq
  Replies (7) Good night (957) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/zmql
  Replies (15) Good night (1433) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate http://tfl.nu/clkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1503) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy http://tfl.nu/t11r
  Replies (13) Good night (2358) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you? http://tfl.nu/n46m
  Replies (9) Good night (1552) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  He smells so good today

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): He smells so good today (1-641): Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit. http://tfl.nu/5jte
  Replies (13) Good night (1986) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3133) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow http://tfl.nu/1io8
  Replies (17) Good night (1909) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs... http://tfl.nu/9q2b
  Replies (6) Good night (1065) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized http://tfl.nu/ymju
  Replies (7) Good night (1793) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by... http://tfl.nu/ardl
  Replies (6) Good night (1663) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4345) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b
  Replies (24) Good night (1410) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name. http://tfl.nu/z35x
  Replies (12) Good night (2638) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5
  Replies (17) Good night (2093) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library. http://tfl.nu/6qen
  Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): 1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed http://tfl.nu/vbeb
  Replies (7) Good night (2131) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie. http://tfl.nu/mir1
  Replies (12) Good night (1639) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog http://tfl.nu/iwbb
  Replies (5) Good night (606) Bad night (1971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk http://tfl.nu/skkt
  Replies (16) Good night (594) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night? http://tfl.nu/hddi
  Replies (11) Good night (1848) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago http://tfl.nu/274p
  Replies (11) Good night (432) Bad night (2533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah. http://tfl.nu/232a
  Replies (16) Good night (510) Bad night (1816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie." http://tfl.nu/jevy
  Replies (38) Good night (3529) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel http://tfl.nu/ythu
  Replies (5) Good night (1305) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life http://tfl.nu/ihqi
  Replies (15) Good night (592) Bad night (2652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days. http://tfl.nu/soru
  Replies (9) Good night (2767) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again http://tfl.nu/o3kd
  Replies (14) Good night (2034) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience. http://tfl.nu/wh3c
  Replies (8) Good night (1766) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2610) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why. (678): THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/cex4
  Replies (18) Good night (2846) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported. http://tfl.nu/ojxl
  Replies (15) Good night (3838) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood. http://tfl.nu/t851
  Replies (3) Good night (1729) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like http://tfl.nu/plug
  Replies (19) Good night (811) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours http://tfl.nu/b1w1
  Replies (5) Good night (2615) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv. http://tfl.nu/57s8
  Replies (7) Good night (739) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid. http://tfl.nu/n6yk
  Replies (5) Good night (1107) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals. http://tfl.nu/tnox
  Replies (4) Good night (1960) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis. http://tfl.nu/pfu8
  Replies (13) Good night (1213) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike. http://tfl.nu/mqaw
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (108): View more from

  Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (108): Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly http://tfl.nu/wtl4
  Replies (6) Good night (2394) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about http://tfl.nu/ldbx
  Replies (5) Good night (1103) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body. http://tfl.nu/3ysy
  Replies (7) Good night (1849) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now. http://tfl.nu/ln6x
  Replies (8) Good night (2164) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2562) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Who's nuvaring is under my pillow? http://tfl.nu/bq0m
  Replies (7) Good night (523) Bad night (2553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something http://tfl.nu/61ie
  Replies (7) Good night (603) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas http://tfl.nu/ktjl
  Replies (8) Good night (1425) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Your penis chewing exercise is not working

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Your penis chewing exercise is not working http://tfl.nu/tw98
  Replies (6) Good night (429) Bad night (1513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by

  (256): View more from Alabama

  he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by (256): he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch http://tfl.nu/0lqj
  Replies (13) Good night (1899) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas? http://tfl.nu/7kpc
  Replies (6) Good night (1842) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it http://tfl.nu/bfv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1791) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens. http://tfl.nu/q3si
  Replies (8) Good night (1964) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts. http://tfl.nu/swyw
  Replies (10) Good night (1885) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he ate me out like he was chugging a beer. http://tfl.nu/i72l
  Replies (13) Good night (631) Bad night (2688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  ...oh my god that's like anal suicide

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): ...oh my god that's like anal suicide (1-260): I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak. http://tfl.nu/xgzk
  Replies (9) Good night (569) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex http://tfl.nu/q2uq
  Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

  (914): View more from New York

  I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded. (914): I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit. http://tfl.nu/hj4l
  Replies (14) Good night (1775) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that http://tfl.nu/xola
  Replies (7) Good night (2472) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night http://tfl.nu/3m0v
  Replies (4) Good night (938) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship. http://tfl.nu/pyi6
  Replies (6) Good night (1346) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np
  Replies (9) Good night (3584) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/d2mk
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (3236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1177) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing http://tfl.nu/zch9
  Replies (12) Good night (1483) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign. http://tfl.nu/97x1
  Replies (12) Good night (454) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm teaching my cat to play fetch

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yep, it's a friday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina (404): I'm teaching my cat to play fetch (678): Yep, it's a friday http://tfl.nu/op0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2073) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight http://tfl.nu/dytu
  Replies (29) Good night (2535) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif
  Replies (36) Good night (4785) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train. http://tfl.nu/pxln
  Replies (17) Good night (2224) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay http://tfl.nu/vfh5
  Replies (13) Good night (879) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early? http://tfl.nu/0ctz
  Replies (19) Good night (1809) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat http://tfl.nu/jkqr
  Replies (1) Good night (937) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights http://tfl.nu/qbnp
  Replies (4) Good night (1749) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up. http://tfl.nu/gycw
  Replies (4) Good night (1070) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going? http://tfl.nu/1d2j
  Replies (8) Good night (1727) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit. http://tfl.nu/5mnb
  Replies (12) Good night (534) Bad night (2630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4
  Replies (11) Good night (2174) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania http://tfl.nu/5wck
  Replies (14) Good night (2339) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing. http://tfl.nu/7ema
  Replies (11) Good night (594) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?! http://tfl.nu/tyzg
  Replies (19) Good night (2083) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6
  Replies (15) Good night (1827) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. http://tfl.nu/ntyj
  Replies (9) Good night (2364) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Who are you high with right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it. (513): Who are you high with right now? http://tfl.nu/0n4i
  Replies (11) Good night (1934) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard. http://tfl.nu/vxrl
  Replies (6) Good night (558) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!" http://tfl.nu/0rpe
  Replies (19) Good night (2272) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you seemed to enjoy falling down hill

  (540): View more from Virginia

  wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you seemed to enjoy falling down hill (540): wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint http://tfl.nu/kb4o
  Replies (4) Good night (1199) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dj4z
  Replies (10) Good night (721) Bad night (3046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow http://tfl.nu/7xi8
  Replies (18) Good night (3066) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u? http://tfl.nu/ided
  Replies (4) Good night (1341) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed! http://tfl.nu/rzlj
  Replies (13) Good night (549) Bad night (2239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew. http://tfl.nu/vnvf
  Replies (27) Good night (4406) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/2hle
  Replies (4) Good night (2450) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition. http://tfl.nu/6rth
  Replies (19) Good night (2417) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it. http://tfl.nu/81z6
  Replies (21) Good night (2615) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service. http://tfl.nu/46gk
  Replies (7) Good night (1568) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse http://tfl.nu/4qxw
  Replies (14) Good night (590) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow.. http://tfl.nu/bd79
  Replies (15) Good night (1639) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love http://tfl.nu/d5q9
  Replies (22) Good night (2044) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt