Texts From Last Night

meatball1105's Favorites Texts:

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.

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  (410): It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole. http://tfl.nu/8vko
  Replies (15) Good night (576) Bad night (1939)
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  (914): View more from New York

  If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.

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  (914): If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick. http://tfl.nu/06qn
  Replies (6) Good night (1249) Bad night (370)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.

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  (207): I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron. http://tfl.nu/90fl
  Replies (9) Good night (1205) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.

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  (912): Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well. http://tfl.nu/02op
  Replies (4) Good night (1218) Bad night (354)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.

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  (304): It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town. http://tfl.nu/067f
  Replies (14) Good night (521) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long

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  (443): Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long http://tfl.nu/owq9
  Replies (14) Good night (1387) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1557) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  But you wear shame so well

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  (303): Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group (1-303): But you wear shame so well http://tfl.nu/l3oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2665) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?

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  (410): There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him? http://tfl.nu/lo67
  Replies (20) Good night (560) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

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  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (8246) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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  (215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e
  Replies (22) Good night (949) Bad night (2634)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  crossed #23 off the Slucket List!

  (1-925): View more from California

  YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.

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  (925): crossed #23 off the Slucket List! (1-925): YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING. http://tfl.nu/ln8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2516) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing

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  (616): he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing http://tfl.nu/m3tl
  Replies (8) Good night (2106) Bad night (733)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.

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  (770): All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard. http://tfl.nu/f3jg
  Replies (3) Good night (2635) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ur mom makes the best bacon

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

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  (570): ur mom makes the best bacon (1-570): WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE http://tfl.nu/0ryx
  Replies (13) Good night (3492) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (8924) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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  (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit http://tfl.nu/ocpj
  Replies (18) Good night (3863) Bad night (575)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.

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  (319): More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy. http://tfl.nu/fj2g
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Boobs speak an international language.

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  (505): Boobs speak an international language. http://tfl.nu/m73t
  Replies (7) Good night (1263) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I remember it like it was tomorrow.

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  (860): Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love (1-860): I remember it like it was tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1n7o
  Replies (2) Good night (2041) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.

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  (206): Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open. http://tfl.nu/s990
  Replies (8) Good night (1817) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

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  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (1970) Bad night (396)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?

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  (404): Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again? http://tfl.nu/8hv0
  Replies (7) Good night (1710) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU

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  (847): YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU http://tfl.nu/vl39
  Replies (6) Good night (1926) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'

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  (513): She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste' http://tfl.nu/jrl8
  Replies (11) Good night (1809) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.

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  (717): Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life. http://tfl.nu/od19
  Replies (12) Good night (2075) Bad night (2734) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

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  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
  Replies (11) Good night (3660) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2582) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.

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  (850): I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/659e
  Replies (12) Good night (2197) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

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  (330): OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM. http://tfl.nu/cuq6
  Replies (15) Good night (2501) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

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  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (911) Bad night (5138) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore

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  (617): i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore http://tfl.nu/4xlx
  Replies (21) Good night (1277) Bad night (4408) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME

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  (443): EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME http://tfl.nu/5t87
  Replies (2) Good night (1919) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

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  (907): I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar. http://tfl.nu/wjyf
  Replies (8) Good night (3446) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

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  (440): I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body http://tfl.nu/gs9m
  Replies (7) Good night (1315) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room

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  (325): I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room http://tfl.nu/mue9
  Replies (53) Good night (4456) Bad night (2386) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

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  (920): We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like http://tfl.nu/fep0
  Replies (19) Good night (3203) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

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  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (4413) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.

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  (757): I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass. http://tfl.nu/p1y3
  Replies (19) Good night (2648) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

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  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6867) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

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  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (988) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.

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  (605): Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/wiel
  Replies (25) Good night (1251) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (27465) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

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  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4354) Bad night (1213)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.

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  (972): If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works. http://tfl.nu/grey
  Replies (62) Good night (1486) Bad night (2808) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

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  (337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots. http://tfl.nu/c5aw
  Replies (33) Good night (4794) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore

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  (910): I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore http://tfl.nu/qak0
  Replies (6) Good night (1545) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.

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  (830): Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point. http://tfl.nu/e159
  Replies (13) Good night (476) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.

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  (412): After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me. http://tfl.nu/f4ue
  Replies (85) Good night (2665) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

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  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (6006) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

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  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1361) Bad night (3097) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.

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  (516): Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex. http://tfl.nu/fp8n
  Replies (6) Good night (2547) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

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  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3324) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL

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  (949): just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL http://tfl.nu/7k6t
  Replies (21) Good night (590) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight

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  (718): 3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight http://tfl.nu/iyeq
  Replies (3) Good night (1179) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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  (410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026
  Replies (8) Good night (1666) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5256) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance

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  (774): omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore.... (774): HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/0qjd
  Replies (4) Good night (1701) Bad night (521)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.

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  (304): I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one. http://tfl.nu/3uie
  Replies (16) Good night (670) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide

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  (727): He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide http://tfl.nu/4asu
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...

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  (229): He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother... http://tfl.nu/bv7d
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

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  (443): You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding http://tfl.nu/vxqr
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I know, I was there.

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  (443): sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends (336): I know, I was there. http://tfl.nu/9p97
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.

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  (443): you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend (703): You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence. http://tfl.nu/no32
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.

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  (443): we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out. http://tfl.nu/gq5i
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

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  (410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

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  (970): Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends. http://tfl.nu/xm5k
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines

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  (603): Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines http://tfl.nu/hhep
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

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  (561): i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM http://tfl.nu/acmo
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?

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  (352): Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend? http://tfl.nu/xbp0
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches

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  (856): Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches http://tfl.nu/oe4j
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.

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  (563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever. http://tfl.nu/ydd6
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.

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  (717): I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild. http://tfl.nu/q7pb
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.

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  (443): I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley. http://tfl.nu/k95g
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS

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  (219): LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS http://tfl.nu/75f7
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.

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  (970): You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again. http://tfl.nu/ptr6
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.

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  (304): My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger. http://tfl.nu/dtz4
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  (415): View more from California

  I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.

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  (415): I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history. http://tfl.nu/x6ei
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.

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  (620): My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win. http://tfl.nu/w5au
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

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  (719): I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone. http://tfl.nu/u0bu
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  (940): View more from Texas

  He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.

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  (940): He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts. http://tfl.nu/9w8s
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.

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  (360): It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha. http://tfl.nu/9aca
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't they always?

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  (610): My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit" (1-610): Aren't they always? http://tfl.nu/6oqg
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

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  (248): If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/2nlp
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

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  (908): there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time (732): no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution. http://tfl.nu/6mq6
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  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

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  (201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

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  (706): I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant. http://tfl.nu/0cvw
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.

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  (970): sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan. http://tfl.nu/zri3
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.

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  (706): So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator. (404): I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer? (706): Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out. http://tfl.nu/p10m
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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  (540): AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA http://tfl.nu/16eo
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.

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  (804): Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience. http://tfl.nu/3o6t
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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  (910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4
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  (585): View more from New York

  you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it

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  (585): you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it http://tfl.nu/37fg
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  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

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  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.

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  (478): Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy. http://tfl.nu/ujmz
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  I hope you fall on your chin.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Jealousy makes you ugly.

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  (802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

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  (224): At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk http://tfl.nu/rjll
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.

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  (817): Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry. http://tfl.nu/qgh9
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  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend

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  (+44): I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ua0w
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

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  (403): All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/dlqr
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing

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  (778): It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing http://tfl.nu/h5t5
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.

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  (201): Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied. http://tfl.nu/g4t4
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

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  (514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why http://tfl.nu/b6q6
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

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  (+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals. http://tfl.nu/whom
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

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  (724): I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week http://tfl.nu/5fel
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  (530): View more from California

  Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.

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  (530): Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade. http://tfl.nu/blkw
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model

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  (850): Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model http://tfl.nu/o9d2
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt

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  (732): Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt http://tfl.nu/9gi1
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Already got asked if we're dating

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  (313): Already got asked if we're dating http://tfl.nu/nrdc
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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  (256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.

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  (917): My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star. http://tfl.nu/572f
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.

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  (614): Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles. http://tfl.nu/gha2
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine

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  (+44): I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine http://tfl.nu/3ins
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  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

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  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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  (321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b
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  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

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  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single

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  (970): Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single http://tfl.nu/1weq
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  (516): View more from New York

  Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?

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  (516): Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me? http://tfl.nu/2ksh
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

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  (214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

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  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy

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  (818): I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy http://tfl.nu/zo8r
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

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  (203): He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him? http://tfl.nu/bxd1
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

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  (203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd
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  (818): View more from California

  yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours

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  (818): yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours http://tfl.nu/fxuo
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

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  (320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

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  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.

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  (504): I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1q7d
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

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  (816): My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles http://tfl.nu/kz93
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  (818): View more from California

  people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

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  (818): people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight. http://tfl.nu/8h1f
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  (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

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  (360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is. http://tfl.nu/1m0s
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  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

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  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
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  (310): View more from California

  u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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  (310): u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5zha
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  (813): View more from Florida

  EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?

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  (813): EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order? http://tfl.nu/uphg
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010

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  (304): Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010 http://tfl.nu/5ejl
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

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  (407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

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  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Someone's got a whale tail

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  A thong is hangin out?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, a fatty following them

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  (314): Someone's got a whale tail (1-314): A thong is hangin out? (314): No, a fatty following them http://tfl.nu/cyed
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

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  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
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  (956): View more from Texas

  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR

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  (404): NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR http://tfl.nu/cqki
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge

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  (248): My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge http://tfl.nu/bj9s
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

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  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower

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  (304): I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower http://tfl.nu/7nvc
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.

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  (941): I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it. http://tfl.nu/6v2i
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  (386): View more from Florida

  it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.

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  (386): it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally. http://tfl.nu/s601
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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  (814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87
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  (212): View more from New York

  I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for

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  (212): I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for http://tfl.nu/q18v
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression

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  (703): the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression http://tfl.nu/ti0p
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  (213): View more from California

  I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.

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  (213): I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk. http://tfl.nu/xx5w
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  (107): View more from

  That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.

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  (107): That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog. http://tfl.nu/02iq
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head

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  (604): it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head http://tfl.nu/xa8x
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.

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  (641): What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore. http://tfl.nu/icvy
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina

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  (865): it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina http://tfl.nu/yy9c
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  (631): View more from New York

  It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.

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  (631): It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots. http://tfl.nu/yevq
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.

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  (704): all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back. http://tfl.nu/s19b
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

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  (940): I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too. http://tfl.nu/vi8f
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

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  (512): its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love http://tfl.nu/kjeb
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  (253): View more from Washington

  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

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  (847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it. http://tfl.nu/gdcc
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity

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  (314): Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity http://tfl.nu/auuk
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

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  (952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm. http://tfl.nu/ghbo
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

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  (573): I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite http://tfl.nu/v7zy
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.

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  (250): At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here. http://tfl.nu/zp01
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.

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  (850): I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs. http://tfl.nu/p0c7
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..

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  (412): You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off.. http://tfl.nu/ermc
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

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  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.

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  (815): I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes. http://tfl.nu/pp2q
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

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  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

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  (410): As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned. http://tfl.nu/df4g
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

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  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
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  (607): View more from New York

  I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

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  (607): I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable. http://tfl.nu/31u9
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