Texts From Last Night

road2nowhere's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week. http://tfl.nu/5pj6
  Replies (9) Good night (1392) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1435) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
  Replies (16) Good night (2351) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou
  Replies (20) Good night (3184) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life. http://tfl.nu/gxts
  Replies (1) Good night (1262) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party. http://tfl.nu/tru3
  Replies (7) Good night (1495) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here? http://tfl.nu/0zqj
  Replies (12) Good night (1676) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you http://tfl.nu/vw2w
  Replies (15) Good night (1521) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking. http://tfl.nu/5z7b
  Replies (11) Good night (953) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in? http://tfl.nu/sg75
  Replies (5) Good night (1711) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
  Replies (105) Good night (12348) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with? (1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info. http://tfl.nu/n3dd
  Replies (27) Good night (397) Bad night (2386)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G http://tfl.nu/pzjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1380) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Come down off the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go. (314): Come down off the roof. http://tfl.nu/d3mp
  Replies (3) Good night (1570) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe http://tfl.nu/uw0b
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1307) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day. http://tfl.nu/kwoe
  Replies (31) Good night (2017) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1584) Bad night (4651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3018) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sex on roller skates

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Floating mattress

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sex on roller skates (202): Floating mattress (301): Tie http://tfl.nu/1xsm
  Replies (7) Good night (1456) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts http://tfl.nu/oqnb
  Replies (8) Good night (1691) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls http://tfl.nu/fn2c
  Replies (10) Good night (636) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends? http://tfl.nu/7e4n
  Replies (20) Good night (2199) Bad night (2156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend. http://tfl.nu/inq1
  Replies (32) Good night (625) Bad night (2739)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Ugh he's texting me.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Ugh he's texting me. (1-204): Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/6r54
  Replies (5) Good night (1225) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.

  (310): View more from California

  Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures. (310): Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW. http://tfl.nu/xwjs
  Replies (11) Good night (1777) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina. http://tfl.nu/mqdf
  Replies (8) Good night (1151) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged http://tfl.nu/ocss
  Replies (4) Good night (1258) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/dyqg
  Replies (12) Good night (3602) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2149) Bad night (12683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6129) Bad night (39392)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June http://tfl.nu/abqo
  Replies (16) Good night (1613) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36328) Bad night (2645)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends. http://tfl.nu/r3vo
  Replies (3) Good night (1415) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (1776) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t
  Replies (7) Good night (2321) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (1723) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat. http://tfl.nu/3hhj
  Replies (12) Good night (2081) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a Thursday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend! (215): It's a Thursday. http://tfl.nu/79xq
  Replies (6) Good night (2685) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm sorry my penis didn't work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r
  Replies (10) Good night (334) Bad night (2011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his http://tfl.nu/p9g4
  Replies (45) Good night (538) Bad night (5929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
  Replies (18) Good night (1777) Bad night (6256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots. http://tfl.nu/c5aw
  Replies (33) Good night (4607) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual. http://tfl.nu/myfw
  Replies (23) Good night (5361) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7898) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3661) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name http://tfl.nu/jjfc
  Replies (3) Good night (2089) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet http://tfl.nu/qhid
  Replies (12) Good night (4036) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication. http://tfl.nu/g1e0
  Replies (18) Good night (1978) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year. http://tfl.nu/x76y
  Replies (18) Good night (3322) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38502) Bad night (2835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44011) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (42564) Bad night (8875)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions. http://tfl.nu/ogn1
  Replies (3) Good night (2398) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): i think i left a case of beer in your dryer http://tfl.nu/dfij
  Replies (10) Good night (2960) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup http://tfl.nu/qk1q
  Replies (12) Good night (3922) Bad night (1411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night.. http://tfl.nu/1tnp
  Replies (6) Good night (2579) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (5753) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
  Replies (20) Good night (1617) Bad night (4464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide http://tfl.nu/gj7h
  Replies (19) Good night (481) Bad night (3516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): You had a beer at 10:30 this morning? (1-905): Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol. http://tfl.nu/apvz
  Replies (30) Good night (3573) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it... http://tfl.nu/w07g
  Replies (20) Good night (2923) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers? http://tfl.nu/o0vq
  Replies (16) Good night (675) Bad night (4507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance. http://tfl.nu/bz9b
  Replies (14) Good night (999) Bad night (3920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed? http://tfl.nu/pvwt
  Replies (8) Good night (3538) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (3983) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I heard you threw up in your lap?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I heard that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I heard you threw up in your lap? (1-541): I heard that too. http://tfl.nu/s86w
  Replies (9) Good night (1345) Bad night (3406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f
  Replies (8) Good night (1487) Bad night (3218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00. http://tfl.nu/7rzt
  Replies (9) Good night (4798) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me. http://tfl.nu/mf2b
  Replies (11) Good night (2717) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (25) Good night (4969) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"... http://tfl.nu/z8ro
  Replies (19) Good night (2983) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g
  Replies (14) Good night (5113) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night. http://tfl.nu/apjs
  Replies (13) Good night (4233) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1
  Replies (16) Good night (4258) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6575) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4431) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11691) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic? http://tfl.nu/pwuf
  Replies (50) Good night (4295) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/prts
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions. http://tfl.nu/bksd
  Replies (14) Good night (683) Bad night (3582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (2745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/cddz
  Replies (9) Good night (4508) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him http://tfl.nu/igzq
  Replies (36) Good night (585) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish they made helmets for livers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I wish they made helmets for livers. http://tfl.nu/bj92
  Replies (12) Good night (5430) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg
  Replies (9) Good night (3879) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (27) Good night (8560) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/mg0o
  Replies (32) Good night (406) Bad night (7552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/ch0g
  Replies (8) Good night (6732) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv
  Replies (12) Good night (6157) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7833) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1284) Bad night (9354)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9144) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am? http://tfl.nu/mmwh
  Replies (6) Good night (3356) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets. http://tfl.nu/lw2y
  Replies (6) Good night (3036) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman. http://tfl.nu/lhzg
  Replies (25) Good night (4737) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/6rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1099) Bad night (5054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6369) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49178) Bad night (5106)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (4692) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6455) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn
  Replies (18) Good night (4540) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon? http://tfl.nu/25nz
  Replies (11) Good night (2231) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
  Replies (30) Good night (8868) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

  (626): View more from California

  well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks (626): well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person http://tfl.nu/xqyj
  Replies (13) Good night (6355) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1071) Bad night (6034)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
  Replies (27) Good night (5224) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5707) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51
  Replies (12) Good night (5677) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way. http://tfl.nu/a0to
  Replies (2) Good night (2493) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war http://tfl.nu/t68o
  Replies (32) Good night (724) Bad night (6303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5220) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9794) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch? http://tfl.nu/y5pd
  Replies (17) Good night (9728) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee http://tfl.nu/kgs2
  Replies (28) Good night (2435) Bad night (591)