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  • Submitted by yeaaaah on Jun 17, 10 at 5:00pm

    i think the same people that say getting just a handjob when you're married is awful.

    • Submitted by betterday on Jul 14, 10 at 3:49pm

      it's better than nothing, maybe it's "that time of the month"?

  • Submitted by IneptAdept on Jun 17, 10 at 11:56pm

    So, minor concern I'm sure.. but did she wash her hands before making the sandwiches?

    • Submitted by blueyaa on Jun 19, 10 at 11:44am

      haha. uh oh.

      • 64 82
        Submitted by marsho on Jul 12, 10 at 6:03pm

        I'll take mine with no mayo...

    • 73 83
      Submitted by thatguyrobbie on Jul 14, 10 at 4:27am

      bahaha great point ;p

  • Submitted by klangford on Jun 17, 10 at 7:54pm

    Thats still the honeymoon, call me in a year when your are in the kitchen making a sandwich with one hand and masturbating with the other.

  • Submitted by arthurlux on Jun 17, 10 at 4:54pm

    You'd do the same for her. Or at least you'd better after that bit of marital bliss.

  • Submitted by mountaineer30 on Jun 17, 10 at 6:47pm

    This text just seems...right

  • Submitted by SPARTAN34 on Jun 17, 10 at 5:25pm

    That is a badass woman!

  • Submitted by usmc_wife2009 on Jun 17, 10 at 11:13pm

    My hubby and I have been together 3 years and I still make him sandwiches and bj's with no strings attached. It just depends on the couple I guess.

  • Submitted by littlemamanyc on Jun 17, 10 at 4:56pm

    Newlyweds??

  • Submitted by RogerDorn on Jun 17, 10 at 7:16pm

    You married the perfect woman. Hope it was a PBJ.

  • Submitted by Meera on Jun 18, 10 at 10:47am

    My husband read this and gave me puppy eyes...

  • Submitted by yey on Jun 17, 10 at 6:12pm

    i do that for 1 night stands...

    • Submitted by jabby on Jun 17, 10 at 10:04pm

      && that's why you'll never get married.

      • Submitted by FistedSister on Jun 18, 10 at 3:09am

        You say that as if it's a bad thing.

        • Submitted by yey on Jun 18, 10 at 10:35am

          i get sick of my nail-polish after a week, how am i supposed to stay with one guy for the rest of my life?

          • Submitted by quoteXunquote on Jun 18, 10 at 3:58pm

            Did you seriously just compare your nail polish color to a long-term commitment with another human being? You've got a fuckload of growing up to do, champ.

            • Submitted by yey on Jun 18, 10 at 9:05pm

              a friend said that to me a while ago and i thought it fits.... and i know. i hope i do get mature, but i'm not right now and for the moment i'm ok with it, i'm having fun (:

          • Submitted by yeaaaah on Jun 19, 10 at 1:24pm

            are you 12?

    • Submitted by lil on Jun 18, 10 at 2:43pm

      awwwww poor thing

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 17, 10 at 7:10pm

    MOTHERFUCKIN SPELL SANDWICH RIGHT AHHH!!!

  • Submitted by Arnold on Jun 18, 10 at 1:29am

    Hell yes Houston!!!!! Texts like this give me hope! Lol

  • Submitted by bkeane1 on Jun 17, 10 at 5:00pm

    Today has been a good day for TFLN!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 17, 10 at 4:50pm

    Ahhh H-Town that's how we girls take care of our men =*D

  • Submitted by cfreymarc on Jun 18, 10 at 6:54am

    Just do special things like that for her to return the favor, both of you stay loyal and all will be fine.

  • Submitted by meester on Jun 17, 10 at 6:36pm

    I need to find a chick like that. Houston ftw

  • Submitted by justin1 on Jun 18, 10 at 11:06am

    Haha, u clearly haven't been married long. Just wait, you'll be sleeping in the other room eating gold fish off ur beer belly playing with a flap of skin that used to be ur dick. Also you will be bald and giving all ur money to ungrateful daughters who are out doing shot you'd never dream of. Marriage = hell

    • 81 96
      Submitted by lil on Jun 18, 10 at 2:52pm

      sounds like you know from experience.

    • Submitted by sophiesikora on Jun 20, 10 at 2:29am

      Hahahahaha, poor baby.

  • Submitted by Thrax on Jun 17, 10 at 5:51pm

    Just wait. After a while you'll have to cook her dinner and much more just for a handjob

  • Submitted by Cajuns on Jun 17, 10 at 10:39pm

    Who's to say it won't last some of us sothern gals are just like that.

    • 80 93
      Submitted by lil on Jun 18, 10 at 2:44pm

      Thank God for Southern Girls:]

      • Submitted by mystomachurts on Jun 18, 10 at 7:21pm

        Hey now! I'm from way up North and I have many awesome girl friends in very long committed relationships and we ALL take care of our men properly. Blow jobs are a must... quickies on a lunch break... wearing sexy outfits in the bedroom just to please him. Its not just Southern Gals that know how to keep a man happy!

        • 75 84
          Submitted by Beeeecccaa on Jun 19, 10 at 1:03am

          Well, I feel awfully bad for you that you have to do so much work to keep a man happy. Really. Haha :)

          • Submitted by kawaiichan09 on Jun 19, 10 at 1:43am

            Right? It's definitely not that difficult. Feed them, fuck them, and they'll do almost anything you ask, happily.

          • 78 96
            Submitted by sophiesikora on Jun 20, 10 at 2:19am

            Haha, agreed.

  • Submitted by HDstudly on Jun 17, 10 at 5:35pm

    Man I like mixing it up; this sounds like my perfect marriage

  • 97 81
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 12, 10 at 9:35pm

    Niice lol

  • 99 91
    Submitted by schlop on Jun 18, 10 at 3:24am

    NEWSCHOOLERS

  • Submitted by jjiggle on Jun 17, 10 at 5:34pm

    I think that is AWESOME!

  • 92 82
    Submitted by LiZZiSTheSHiZZ on Aug 23, 10 at 10:01pm

    That's my boyfriends dream, eating a sandwhich while I'm giving him a blowjob. :P\n\nFun times.[:

  • 98 95
    Submitted by philo1215 on Jul 1, 10 at 7:33am

    One. Word. Keeper.

  • Submitted by flyincross on Jun 18, 10 at 1:54am

    You coulda got that without giving her half your shit, pussy…

  • 93 89
    Submitted by alan_ipod on Jun 17, 10 at 7:40pm

    That is amazing

  • Submitted by way on Jun 17, 10 at 11:01pm

    I would have done exactly the same thing

  • Submitted by Aviend on Jun 18, 10 at 1:56pm

    I'm glad the poster is happy about marriage -- the majority of you commenting make me sad for the future of our world... Commitment and making my man happy is something to live for. Cooking, cleaning, the bedroom... It makes him happy, which makes ME happy. Everybody wins.

    • Submitted by doubledd95 on Jun 20, 10 at 8:59am

      Cooking and cleaning should be shared. You're just another woman who gives in to the old standards that men are better than women so woman do all the cooking and cleaning. Marriage is about sharing.

  • 89 95
    Submitted by realmadrid on Jun 18, 10 at 7:03am

    Barney Stinson sais so, and Barney Stinson > all!

  • 88 95
    Submitted by icpinksheep on Jun 18, 10 at 5:33am

    Houston ladies :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 18, 10 at 1:39am

    feel kobe!

  • Submitted by OMGIamhere on Jun 17, 10 at 7:09pm

    Ben?

  • 78 77
    Submitted by KTHNXBUHBYE on Dec 29, 10 at 10:16am

    See? I knew I wasn't the only one. So we both get hungry after sex... -shrug-

  • Submitted by JM8615 on Jun 17, 10 at 11:12pm

    Did you get married straight out of middle school? Cause that's when I thought hand jobs were cool.

  • 76 76
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 18, 10 at 2:44am

    You got it good

  • 83 92
    Submitted by noah13 on Jul 4, 10 at 9:33am

    Uh.... Marriage as a whole is not a horrible thing. I personally love it cause I actually chose the right woman. A hot woman that masterbates to me instead of the other way around when we aren't together during the day. Then when we get home it's amazing sex time. And she's smart and she can cook. Marriage win. Nor marriage fail.

  • Submitted by michi0912 on Jun 17, 10 at 5:11pm

    I'd do that. XD\nI'm a girl, btw. :)

  • Submitted by kelsmoz on Jun 18, 10 at 1:41am

    I absolutely love this

  • Submitted by AxelRose on Jun 17, 10 at 5:55pm

    That's what Slash keeps tellin me

  • Submitted by kittykins on Jun 20, 10 at 8:59pm

    wow, there better be an awesome anniversary gift :)

  • Submitted by machaveli2 on Jun 18, 10 at 12:16am

    That girl must be amazing'!

  • 70 75
    Submitted by Magnee13 on Dec 20, 11 at 12:19pm

    This is a major win!!

  • 74 84
    Submitted by Michguy on Jun 18, 10 at 7:19am

    But did she clean up your cum?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 17, 10 at 8:22pm

    Lol handjob

  • Submitted by CatSnatchFever on Jun 18, 10 at 12:22am

    Did she wash her hands between handjob and making sandwiches? If not - that might not have been mayo on the bread...

  • 77 92
    Submitted by johnnyk on Jun 29, 10 at 8:46am

    You enjoy this it gets worse from what I hear hope u love her

  • 80 98
    Submitted by sal22 on Jun 19, 10 at 8:59pm

    Great wife:) wait.... Was she your wife before or after your handjob and sandwich ordeal?

  • Submitted by youknowbro on Jun 17, 10 at 9:58pm

    Haha hell Yeah

  • Submitted by iReplyInLyrics on Jun 25, 10 at 12:12am

    The game

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 17, 10 at 10:39pm

    If she's genuine, marriage is awesome

  • 66 72
    Submitted by 147man on Feb 8, 11 at 11:10pm

    Youre married and getting a handjob? Fuck that I'm never getting married.

  • Submitted by stevebauer on Jun 18, 10 at 1:05pm

    Kurt Cobain

  • 74 89
    Submitted by Savagejay on Jun 18, 10 at 10:38am

    Well played good sir

  • Submitted by kktt9211 on Jun 28, 10 at 2:12pm

    Ah that is the best

  • Submitted by doubledd95 on Jun 20, 10 at 9:04am

    You would hope once you're married a man would be mature enough not to text his friends details about his sex life.

  • 78 98
    Submitted by thegregster on Jun 18, 10 at 3:28pm

    Wow, this is an epic win. Sounds like the perfect marriage

  • Submitted by Beaglehead on Jun 18, 10 at 12:59am

    Looks like she'll be getting a... Cockmeat sandwitch

  • Submitted by Johnny_Ballgame1 on Jun 18, 10 at 11:23pm

    Handjob? Marriage sounds great except for when I'm getting a blowjob from 2 girls, then they go out, get me some food and then leave!!

  • Submitted by Kelleygirl32 on Jun 18, 10 at 1:09am

    That sounds like me!

  • 75 99
    Submitted by uberdouche on Jun 18, 10 at 9:22am

    Mayonnaise?

  • 72 95
    Submitted by Calitox on Jun 20, 10 at 10:59pm

    Hey when your married, your lucky if you even get a hand/blow job

  • Submitted by crazyjay34 on Jun 18, 10 at 1:37am

    Kobe!

  • 65 82
    Submitted by ohyeahhh on Jun 18, 10 at 5:28pm

    I know who says getting married is awful! The gal giving you pleasure and making the sandwiches. ;)

  • Submitted by degenerate on Jun 18, 10 at 10:27am

    In Soviet Russia, wife make sandwich with dick for meat!

  • Submitted by TomTomTom on Jun 18, 10 at 5:00pm

    Did she finish the job?

  • 64 85
    Submitted by finalflash08 on Nov 4, 10 at 10:08am

    This is fucking awesome

  • Submitted by plums on Jun 18, 10 at 11:32pm

    Superb

  • 67 93
    Submitted by udft5 on Oct 18, 10 at 11:59pm

    Just hope she washed her hands

  • 67 94
    Submitted by text_me on Sep 24, 10 at 6:24pm

    Shes a keeper

  • 66 92
    Submitted by amyxlove on Jun 30, 10 at 5:48am

    uhh, I don't even bother with handjobs :P

  • 69 98
    Submitted by joey147 on Jun 21, 10 at 2:04am

    Hell ya \nAwesome lol

  • 66 94
    Submitted by katethebl0ndie on Jul 17, 10 at 1:27pm

    I'd be giving him a bj if he was my husband

  • Submitted by joeypremo on Jun 21, 10 at 2:19am

    If you weren't married you woulda got head

  • 59 81
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 5, 11 at 8:07am

    Houston ladies representtttttttttttt

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 18, 10 at 10:47am

    Worst Russian reversal ever

  • Submitted by enjoy420 on Jun 17, 10 at 6:14pm

    What the fuck is up with u and sandwitches

  • Submitted by elite on Jun 19, 10 at 4:36am

    A handjob with the sandwich makes this okay... But next time, take her out to dinner, go home, and get laid!!!! Haha

  • 54 80
    Submitted by smithhart on Feb 13, 12 at 10:42pm

    Fucking perfect. Sounds like my girlfriend

  • 58 91
    Submitted by SAM1324 on Apr 20, 11 at 11:41pm

    A way to a mans heart, is through his stomach;)

  • Submitted by mistercain on Jun 17, 10 at 11:17pm

    Wait ten years. When she walks naked the sandwiches will jiggle from her ass.

  • 58 97
    Submitted by dewilliamson on Apr 26, 11 at 2:29am

    hmmm funny... that sounds like me... but im not married!

  • Submitted by carepolice on Jun 17, 10 at 5:09pm

    A girl being nice does not equal a girl being an awesome wife because she'll make you sandwiches all the time..

  • Submitted by caretaker22 on Jun 18, 10 at 11:13am

    Soon you pray for the sweet release of death or divorce.

  • Submitted by bitchfacee on Jun 18, 10 at 12:38pm

    Yeah it is. No matter what she does for you marriage is not great!!!

  • Submitted by notknown on Jun 18, 10 at 3:35am

    Isn't handjob like middle school?

  • Submitted by caretaker22 on Jun 17, 10 at 9:32pm

    Soon things will deteriorate to the point where all you think about is the sweet release of death and/or divorce.

  • 39 67
    Submitted by MrZachary on Sep 13, 12 at 5:01pm

    Tell the bitch to suck some dick, she is yours!!

  • Submitted by dongmaster on Jun 17, 10 at 10:46pm

    That's pathetic if ur excited about a handy U deserve a wife

  • Submitted by somerandomguyftw on Jul 11, 10 at 2:48pm

    that is a very awsome women right there

  • Submitted by guitar_boy on Jun 17, 10 at 8:05pm

    It's not awful if her dad trains her right.. :)

  • Submitted by uAllSuck on Jun 17, 10 at 10:34pm

    She sounds desperate.

    • Submitted by doubledd95 on Jun 20, 10 at 9:02am

      You're clearly an idiot. If she's married what does she have to be desperate for? You're desperate for people to think you're cool. You're not dipstick.

  • 33 77
    Submitted by Dawnalisa526 on Aug 25, 12 at 10:05pm

    Thats great!

  • Submitted by fig415 on Feb 11, 11 at 2:48pm

    One of the great ones

  • Submitted by amsantos69 on Sep 2, 10 at 11:50pm

    DUDE, worship her

  • Submitted by sexyupsguy on Jun 18, 10 at 12:31am

    She's teaching you how to take care of yourself already, eh! Soon you will be doing your own handjobs as you pretend she makes you a sandwich. Lol

    • Submitted by moron on Jun 18, 10 at 12:50am

      sounds like your wife sucks

  • Submitted by q8pvqqjt2f on Jun 17, 10 at 4:46pm

    First :D